


Heart Of Ice

by RobinTheSlytherin



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abandonment, Anxiety, Attempted Seduction, Dark, Death, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, Graphic Description, Gun Violence, Horror, Love, Love/Hate, M/M, Manipulative Relationship, Minor Character Death, Murder, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trust Issues, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-25
Updated: 2018-11-25
Packaged: 2019-08-29 01:25:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 20
Words: 69,966
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16734390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RobinTheSlytherin/pseuds/RobinTheSlytherin
Summary: A love that consumes everything it touches.[E FOR EXPLICIT ]. [Warning* EXPLICIT DARK CONTENT!/SLASH/Prostitution/Violence/Rape/Drugs]





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
Heart of Ice

Chapter 1

Yuri Katsuki lifted his fists into the air, breaking his ending pose, and cried out in triumph. The roar of the stadium was deafening. Tears blinded his eyes, and all he could think was, 'I did it! I did it!'

Oh God…. I….I did it…

He could feel the tears streaming down his face, but didn't care. Yuri squeezed his eyes shut, and bowed his head. He gasped for air, and thought of every moment of heartbreak, depression, hope, insecurity, and desperate love. He was transformed. A new creature that was both terrifying and beautiful.

Victor had waltzed into his life ,and shattered his fragile glass cocoon. He had stretched Yuri's wings out through every training session, delighting in the new emotions that Yuri would bear to him and him only. Yuri died a little every day, but was also reborn into something more wonderful than before!

And it was all because of Victor.

Yuri had almost suffocated with depression, and then like a God, Victor came and saved him. Before Victor, Yuri felt like a nobody. Yuri could find nothing good about himself, only that he was a fat, depressed, loser who choked on self-doubt and crippling insecurities. Tonight, however, Yuri had lost all sense of self control on that ice, he had let all his love for Victor possess him- he was dominated by it and submitted willingly!

Finally Yuri raised his head and smiled for the first time with a new kind emotion. 'I AM worthy of him…I'm finally worthy!' Yuri thought, feeling breathless, 'I was wrong to release him from being my coach. I WAS being selfish and stupid. Victor was right…my place is by his side, always'

'Victor! I have to find Victor!'. He bowed weakly to the audience who were still roaring his name and clapping madly. Wrought with utter exhaustion, his legs wobbled beneath him but he managed to make it to the edge of the rink, fully expecting Victor to be there with his arms opened wide….

But he wasn't.

Yuri looked around frantically as people came slap his back and shake his hand. Piles of flowers and gifts filled his arms. Yuri twisted his head this way and that ,searching for those icy blue eyes and sliver hair.

"Victor!" Yuri shouted over the masses, "Victor!"

"HEY Pork Cutlet Bowl!" Yuri jerked his head to his right only to find Yurio shoving him towards the opposite direction "Get your ass over to the damn kiss and cry! Your scores are about to be announced!"

There was no malice in Yurio's voice, in fact the fifteen year old sounded almost proud…and annoyed.

"Where's Victor?!" Yuri shouted over the crowd, excitedly" I have to find him!"

The blond rolled his eyes and huffed impatiently.

"How the hell should I know where that geezer is? Just get to the booth, he's probably already there, idiot!" again Yurio shoved Yuri towards the booth.

He grabbed his rubber skate guards, and popped them on as fast as he could, and ran towards the kiss and cry.

"Good luck pig!" Yurio shouted as Yuri smiled back at him.

His heart pounded in his chest. Something wasn't right, where was Victor?! He had just completed the best performance of his skating career. His heart had been filled with nothing but Eros…but where was Victor?

Finally he made it to the kiss and cry, but Victor wasn't there. Yuri became nervous now and sat down holding the pile of red roses he had been given tightly to his chest. His eyes searched and searched. Through the thick crowd, but still nothing.

"Ladies and gentlemen tonight we witnessed something completely new and groundbreaking from our underdog, Yuri Katsuki. It was only a year ago that Katsuki, having flopped all quads and falling dead last, had everyone under the impression that his performance in Sochi was to be his last. There was no way anyone thought he could make such a powerful comeback, and with his performance of Eros tonight there can be no doubt that he set a new standard to skating!"

"That's absolutely right, and if we look at the replay we can see just how much emotion he put into perfecting his form, making for a breathtaking performance. I can only imagine what the 23 year old skater is feeling at this very moment, but one this is for sure- in years to come we'll all look back at this performance as one that will go down in skating history! We can only imagine what his coach, Victor Nikiforov must also be feeling at this moment. The student finally surpassing his teacher! "

"Any moment now his scores will be announced, it seems to be taking longer than usual, although that comes as no surprise."

"But where is his coach? Having taken the season off, after five consecutive gold medals, Victor Nikiferov did the impossible to get his skater to this point.. Now we see Yuri Katsuki not only a shoe in for the podium, but also without his coach."

"He definitely looks as surprised as we are , but of course he just finished a piece that would make any coach proud. Wait….yes, the judges are ready to announce his scores! Ladies and gentlemen lets listen in to the results…"

Then there was silence. Utter silence.

Yuri sat staring at the screen before him. He blinked once, twice, three times….but no…that CAN'T be right….

"LADIES AND GENTLEMEN YURI KATSUKI REPRESENTING JAPAN, HAS JUST BROKEN THE WORLD RECORD SCORE, EARNING A TOTAL OF 366.15! YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST EVERYONE! YURI KATSUKI IS NOW IN THE LEAD FOR THE GOLD BY A LANDSLIDE! TODAY HISTORY HAS BEEN MADE!"

All around Yuri the flashes if cameras and reporters swarmed him. The audience screamed his name, the applause was deafening, yet despite that Yuri couldn't move. He stared at the glowing screen at his numbers until even those blurred. The ringing in his ears left him deaf and blind to his surroundings.

Suddenly someone had come to shake him.

"Yuri!" someone was yelling, shaking him by his shoulders "Yuri! Are you alright?"

Yuri blinked, realizing tears were streaming down his expressionless face.

It was Chris.

"Hello Chris." Yuri found himself saying without thought "How are you?"

"What? Yuri your in first place! How are you?" Chris looked worried as he gave Yuri another shake "what's wrong?"

Then his surroundings came back into focus and Yuri looked around frantically.

"Where's Victor?! Have you seen him?" Yuri panicked, shoving Chris aside "Where is he?! VICTOR!"

"Last I saw him he vas talking to his old coach, Yukov or something-"

Bending over, Yuri unlaced his skates as fast as he could, throwing them aside along with the roses he still held. He darted past the reporters and cameras clad in only his socks and his firm fitting skating piece. Around him cane a whirlwind of enthusiastic clapping and cheers, but Yuri didn't care.

Something is wrong. Very wrong.

"VICTOR!" he shouted again, and again, and again…

The fanfare was more than Yuri could take at the moment, and though he just achieved what no one, not even himself thought possible all he could think of was Victor.

Suddenly Yuri was grabbed roughly by his upper arm as someone dragged him towards the back stage waiting area where there was no one in sight.

Yuri's breathing hitched as he realized who was it that had dragged him off.

"Coach Yukov!" Yuri gasped , turning to latch into the older man "Victor where is he? Chris said he was with you."

"Who? ..Oh the Swedish blond. Yes, well," Yukov cleared his throat, clapping a large hard hand on Yuri's shoulder "Congratulations on your score. You must be proud. Plisetsky is up next. I have high hopes for him, but you've made this a challenge. One I hope he can-"

"Where is he?..."

Yukov sighed shaking his head, then turning his hard eyes on Yuri.

" He came to me as your performance ended. He was struck in a way I had never seen him. The motivation I thought he had lost over the past year suddenly took hold of him….watching your performance put him under a sort of spell I suppose you can say."

Yuri furrowed his brow, not understanding.

" He told me he was going back to Russia. I suppose I should thank you for that, I feared he would never return."

Yuri froze, his blood turning to ice. No, that can't be right. Victor promised to stay by my side! Was it what I said last night? Is he angry at me? No, he wouldn't just up and leave me like that. Victor wasn't the sort of person who could do that!

" Your lying…" Yuri whispered, he started to shake.

Yukov sighed and shook his head.

" Victor is done playing coach. Now that he has made you worthy of him, he us ready to compete again. You've come such a long way, my boy, you should be proud-"

"YOUR LYING!"Yuri screamed, the hysteria was building up to a peak. "Victor would NEVER leave as you say he did! Victor promised-"

"and what of his promises!? For as long as I can remember Victor has been motivated by one thing and one thing only, winning. Perhaps you are another win to him. Did you think those shameful displays you two put on actually meant something? THINK BOY! He is Russian, he is a champion for the motherland! Russia is not Japan, and the sort of thing you two were playing at just isn't done or natural where we come from. People are imprisoned and publicly tortured for displaying such affection for another man ….. Never the less, What I say is true. Absolutely. I have no reason to say otherwise. He was like a madman, grabbing me by my coat and begging to come back,and that I may be his coach again." Yukov said harshly and without regard to the meltdown Yuri was experiencing. "personality, I don't think his head was right, he was a man who looked possessed after your performance. Now if you will excuse me Plisetsky is up next and I cannot afford to waste my time coddling you. If you wish to speak with Victor, why not call him?"

Yukov sidestepped Yuri unaware of the younger blond Yuri hiding in the shadows with his hood pulled up, and listening to every word.

Yuri was rooted to the spot. He could hear the announcers muffled voice, he could hear the crowds cheering, he could feel the cold concrete floor beneath him, but felt nothing.

Slowly, agonizingly so, Yuri walked back towards the locker rooms. He retrieved his things, pulled on his shoes and coat and walked out of the stadium with his face mask drawn up over his nose and mouth. When he got outside he could still hear the roar of the people within.

Yurio must be performing now, he thought, taking his phone from his jacket pocket.

He hit the dial button and up popped a picture of Victor and Yuri that Phichit took while they were in Barcelona. Both wearing the gold luck charms that Yuri had bought for them. Victor had said they were engagement rings and that they would be married after he won the gold….he stared down at his own ring as he waited for Victor to pick up.

This is Victor Nikiforov, I'm currently away from the phone right now, provably in some compromising position with my katsudon- oh come on its adorable Yuri! Oh yeah- leave me a message and I'll get back to you soon!

Beep*

Again

This is Victor Nikiforov, I'm currently away from the phone right now, provably in some compromising position with my katsudon- oh come on its adorable Yuri! Oh yeah- leave me a message and I'll get back to you soon!

Beep*

This is Victor Nikiforov, I'm currently away from the phone right now, provably in some compromising position with my katsudon- oh come on its adorable Yuri! Oh yeah- leave me a message and I'll get back to you soon!

Beep*

Again and again and again Yuri dialed, walking away from the stadium, away from the podium, away from all he worked so hard for. He was numb. The last time he was here Yuri felt nothing but crippling depression, but now?...

It was as if someone had opened his chest, tore out his emotions, and filled him up with ice. His breathing was shallow and thin.

When he walked far enough away from the stadium Yuri raised his hand to signal for a cab. Surely Victor was back at the hotel, even if what Yukov said was true, Victor had to still be there.

A cab pulled up and Yuri slid in, still wearing his black form fitting skating outfit beneath his jacket. Some strands of black hair began falling over his eyes, but he didn't seem to notice. The driver gave him a strange look before asking where he should go. Yuri handed him his credit card and told him the nearest airport.

Even if hes already there, maybe I could catch him….

Meanwhile Yuri sent text after text to Victor hoping for some answer, any answer.

[Victor?]

[Have I done something wrong?...are you punishing me?]

[Victor?]

[Please, talk to me]

[Just tell me what I did! PLEASE VICTOR! PLEASE!]

[Is it about what I said last night? I'm so sorry. I was wrong to release you from being my coach! I was so wrong, Victor.]

[You can punish me however you want, just please say something!]

[Victor please]

[I'll do anything]

[Don't leave me…please]

[…I love you, Victor]

[Please don't leave me alone.]

Little did Yuri know that Victor was already on a private jet headed to Russia. He was bent over scribbling frantically, swaying to the music blasting in his earbuds unaware of anything else around him. His phone lit up multiple times, but he was too distracted to see the messages that filled his inbox. He could feel himself reverting back to his old ways. His focus was all consuming.

All he could see was that last performance. The way his body moved to Eros, the way he transformed himself into the God of live himself! He was Victors finest creation….

He…..

h…

Victor's hand stiffened. His whole body suddenly shot up out of his seat, dropping everything he was doing.

"Oh God, no." Victor breathed in horror. His pen dropped with a sharp thud. His stomach knotted so terribly that he thought he might become sick. "no,no,no!"

Victor plastered himself against the window, but it was too late. He was thousands of miles above the earth and far away from the man he loved.

"YURI!"  
.  
.

A/N. Thanks for reading! More drama to come!


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
Heart of Ice

Chapter 2

It had been over a year since he walked out of Grand Prix Final. He won gold by a landslide or so the media in Japan reported. Yurio came up second and Chris third. Reruns of the empty gold metal podium played for weeks after.

*flashback*

All stations asking the same question.

Where was Yuri Katsuki?

Yuri himself said nothing to his family when he arrived home in the dead of night.

He was still wearing Victor's black clad skating costume when he stumbled into the Yu-Topia bathhouse. His family were all sleeping, and nothing could be heard but the quiet patter of his feet.

I wonder what sort of a mess I made of their viewing party, Yuri wondered as he stared blankly at the handmade banners all around.

Slowly he mounted the stairs, took off the costume he once cherished more than anything, and left it on his old bed.

He made quick work packing everything in two large suitcases. Once dressed Yuri made his way back downstairs, leaving his keys and his cellphone on one of the tables. He decided to leave a small note telling his parents he would be in touch soon and not to go looking for him.

With that Yuri lifted his bags and walked out without looking back.

This life I once knew is over. All the love and life I had in me is gone. I gave everything I had, and still ended up being unworthy.

Everything was a lie. Every tender touch, every word that made me hope and dream…I was nothing but a puppet to be molded into Victor's plaything. He left me when I needed him most by my side. I was alone.

Yes, alone. Trust no one. Love no one. Love nothing, not even myself.

Yuri walked for what seemed like hours until someone stopped asking if he needed a lift somewhere.

Well…more like skidded to a stop and whistled at him.

Inside a black Lamborghini a platinum blond middle age man sat staring at him with hungry green eyes that raked over his form. Must be an American, Yuri thought, as he nodded to the man.

"Well come on in beautiful!" The man curled his finger in Yuri's direction to bid him. He opened up the door of his black Lamborghini, revealing a smooth leather interior.

Yuri nodded loading his bags in the back seat. He slid in and shut the door, unaffected by the mans large hand that now squeezed his inner thigh.

"Don't I know you from somewhere?" the man leaned in, smelling of cigarettes. Yuri didn't mind the smell. He didn't mind anything.

"No," Yuri said looking forward, his expression darkening "no one knows me."

"Well lets say me and you hang out a little before I take you where you wanna go, eh sugar?"

Yuri took off his glasses, putting them into his jacket pocket and nodded.

"Whatever."

"Shit! You are one beautiful piece of ass you know that?" the manlaughed, handing Yuri one of his cigarettes that look really expensive. "So, where to sugar?"

"far away from here" Yuri mumbled, taking the offered cigarette.

And with that the platinum blond man cranked up his music until his whole car shook and sped into the night.

*flash-forward*

Yuri's lilith frame moved through the pulsing club until he found a good place where potential clients might lurk. The rich ones were always wallflowers in such environments.

Metal house music hypnotized the masses of young scantily clad men and women. Tattoos, piercings, dark eyeliner, tight leather clothes, sex appeal, and drugs was all you needed in a place like this.

Yuri had cast away his glasses in favor of contacts, and his silky hair was now halfway down his back. Sometimes he held it back with a ribbon, but for his clients he almost always wore it down.

His figure skating body matched, with a delicate face ,and long hair attracted clients like flies to honey.

He wore form fitting leather pants today with a flowing red tunic of sheer that revealed his fine lean frame.

His knee high boots had a slight heel that was quite fashionable among men, and a chain around his neck. His tongue, lip, and ears were pierced, but even more shocking to his appearance were the tattoos.

Decorating his right arm was a full sleeve of beautiful fallen angels whose black wings were broken and bent in such away that made their fall look more like a tragic dance. On his back were also a pair of black wings that began at his shoulders and ended right above his ass.

Tonight he decided on black smoky eyeliner, nevermind that it was hard as fuck to wash off.

His whole look was what made him lots of money, enough for him to live comfortably as well as some left over to take care of his parents bath house.

Hard times had fallen on Yu-Topia, especially after his parents wrote to Yuri explaining that they would have to sell the bathhouse if they couldn't make ends meet.

No fucking way that was going to happen, Yuri thought , taking another shot.

With the bathhouse being the last in Hasetsu, Yuri promised to do everything in his power to keep it from going under.

He danced to the pulsing music, moving his body like a woman, just like Minako once taught him. Although he doubted she had this in mind when she taught him.

Another few shots and Yuri was feeling much more relaxed than before. He didn't know why, but for some reason he felt apprehensive about something. He had no idea what it could be, but it felt like a shadow stalking him.

Finally two well dressed men in their late thirties approached him and offered to buy him drinks.

"I don't take drinks from strange men" Yuri smiled sweetly caressing the taller mans chest "but I wouldn't mind taking something else…for the right price."

Yuri swayed to the music, turning his hips this way and that to show them what their money cold buy.

As soon as he turned and the men saw his round tight skaters ass, they were sold.

" how much for the two of us- at the same time?" the shorter man asked reaching out to stroke Yuri's long hair

Yuri smirked, American men always liked fucking a young Japanese man. He had no doubt these men were married and taking a 'business trip' away from their doting wives and blond children.

"$800 American dollars a piece. No kissing, but besides that-no holds bar. You get me all night in whichever position, or hole you want." Yuri smiled stirring his new drink with his middle finger "I can top or bottom. Its whatever you like."

"And if we want to choke or slap you around?" the taller one asked, sliding a hand over Yuri's ass

Yuri shrugged nonchalantly, taking a sip of his drink.

"Whatever, just make sure you assholes don't make me bleed. If you do its double."

This perked the interest of both men and without hesitation both of them agreed to the fees of $1,600 each.

Yuri raised an eyebrow then pulled a pill from his pocket, and popped it into his mouth, before downing the rest of his drink.

"Alright lets go." Yuri started walking towards the back exit, motioning for the men to follow. "there's a hotel near here we can go to. They don't ask questions, just pay up front with cash and leave a little tip."

Both men followed behind like vultures, but still Yuri couldn't shake the feeling that he was being stalked.

Felt it days before while he was walking home from the club, then again yesterday after leaving a client…and now again.

What the hell was it?

"I get that ass first tonight!" one man called dibs on Yuri as they followed him closely.

"fine with me. I plan to have loads of fun with that small mouth of his." The other laughed "lets see how much it can take!"

Yuri was moved by none of this. Did these tired ass frat has beens think they could intimidate him? It was difficult to remember a time only a year and a half ago when the simple touch would send him blushing uncontrollably.

They walked another five minuets when the sound of an extra pair of shoes made Yuri turn his head at the sound.

"So you got a boyfriend or something?" one of the men asked as he came up from behind to slide a hand down the beneath the band of his leather pants. The man squeezed a handful of his ass, and soon the other man had his hand on Yuri's other ass cheek.

Before Yuri could answer a smooth voice with a thick Russian accent came from behind them, making Yuri stop dead in his tracks.

"As a matter-a-fact he does"

Both men turned to face the voice. But before either one of them could respond Yuri ran.

He had never run sofast in his whole life! His heart hammered so hard in his chest, Yuri thought he might have a heart attack at any moment.

He could hear a single pair of shoes not far behind, gaining on him.

Fuck! Why did he have to smoke so many goddamn cigarettes?!

He wove through the streets leaving his two co fused clients far behind.

Damn! All that money I could have made tonight! Why now?! And why the fuck was HE here?

He couldn't run forever, and his stamina, no matter now strong it was, was still weakened from what it was a year and a half ago.

It was only when a black SUV came hauling ass around the next corner,and slammed on the breaks did Yuri leap onto the hood, sliding off the other end. He could have laughed at how ridiculous this was if he hadn't been so damn scared.

For a moment he thought he was free when suddenly a small blond figure tackled him to the ground.

Hard.

Yuri gasped rolling over onto his back only to see a the blond punk who tackled him smirk down in triumph.

"Bet you didn't see that one coming, did you pork cutlet?"

Yurio Plisetsky…and he wasn't alone. Out of the other end of the SUV came Phichit, and Chris who had been driving.

Yuri sighed, letting his head fall back and eyes shut in defeat.

Then came the sound of those familiar footsteps.

"Yuri…." Came the smooth sound of his voice. It was full of yearning and warmth.

Yuri said nothing. He remained as he was, he wouldn't give them the satisfaction.

"Yuri…please-"

"GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU PIECE OF RUSSIAN SHIT!" Yuri roared leaping to his feet to face the last person on earth he wanted to see.

Victor Nikiforov hadn't changed one bit. Not his face, nor his hair, or fashion sense. Nothing had changed, which infuriated Yuri worse than anything.

Yuri, who was nothing like the timid 23 year old they had remembered him to be, glared hateful and unblinking.

Could this really be the young man who once had a heart as delicate as ice?

"Yuri, please…" Victor pleaded "I know this is hard for you, but I need you to come with us."

"Go. Fuck. Yourself. You. Piece. Of. Russian. SHIT!" Yuri enunciated, taking a threatening step closer.

Yurio having lost all patience sent a swift kick against Yuri's back causing him to lose his balance.

"You can't even keep a proper balance anymore either?!" Yurio shouted, getting in Yuri's face "So what you some kind of fucking junkie now too?"

"Don't forget one hell of a fuck toy too!" Yuri laughed hysterically sending the blond crashing down as he kicked his feet from under him.

"Enough!" Phichit cried falling down to wrap his arms around Yuri.

"Please Yuri. Come with us" his Thai friend begged, reaching for Yuri's delicate hand.

Yuri looked away from his friend, suddenly feeling sick and asashamed.

Yuri didn't look up to meet Victors eyes. He refused to acknowledge his presence at all.

He wasn't ready for this. He didn't want to face anyone. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"Yuri?"

"No." he hissed , shaking his head.

Then the unthinkable happened. Victor fell to his knees before Yuri and wrapped his arms around him tightly.

"Yuri, we don't want to hurt you!…Please let us help. We want to help you! God, I did this! I'm so sorry Yuri! Please! I'm s- so sorry!"

Yuri struggled to free himself.

"let me go!" he twisted and fought, but Victor was stronger, he was always stronger.

Then Victor had him in his arms, with one arm under his legs and another behind his back.

Yuri pounded Victors chest and kicked, but it was useless. He was in the SUV and the next moment they were speeding off into the distance with three men wondering what the hell they were going to do, and one still fighting as hard as he could to escape.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
Heart like Ice

Chapter 3

*flashback*

Victor was frantic. He reached the nearest steward, shaking and faint.

" I need to get off, please its urgent. There's somewhere I need to be!" Victor practically screamed, he was really shaking now.

The reality of what he had done was sinking in like a slow knife.

He left!

How could he just leave Yuri?!

"We need to turn around, please I'll pay anything! Money is nothing to me!"

"Mr. Nikiforov, I'm sorry but we've already taken off. Your going to have to wait until the 6 hour flight is over then. We have other passengers and can't just turn around for you….I'm so sorry sir. Is there anyone we could contact for you over the radio?" the steward asked, genuinely concerned the silver haired man might faint.

Victor perked up. His phone! He had never moved so fast, nearly tripping over his own feet.

What Victor saw next as he opened his phone made him cry aloud. He sank to his knees clutching the phone, reading each heart wrenching text.

[Victor?]

[Have I done something wrong?...are you punishing me?]

[Victor?]

[Please, talk to me]

[Just tell me what I did! PLEASE VICTOR! PLEASE!]

[Is it about what I said last night? I'm so sorry. I was wrong to release you from being my coach! I was so wrong, Victor.]

[You can punish me however you want, just please say something!]

[Victor please]

[I'll do anything]

[Don't leave me…please]

[…I love you, Victor]

[Please don't leave me alone.]

Victor gripped his phone with both hands, pulling one away to cover his mouth. This had been sent nearly an hour ago.

How could he have lost himself for so long? He remembered having bouts of obsession so severe that he would sometimes collapse from hunger or dehydration. He had his last one when he was 25, having practiced skating and studying different types of choreography for five days without eating or sleeping or showering. It was only when Yakov slapped him so hard he was knocked off his feet did Victor wake from his obsession.

Quickly Victor began typing. Then stopped deleting his message.

He began.

He stopped.

He began.

Delete.

Began.

Delete.

…what could he possibly say to Yuri? What pathetic excuse cold ever make up for abandoning the man he loved?

It was the Grand Prix Final. Tonight was Yuri's moment. He had built himself and come so far from the skater he once was.

Yuri's heart was soft and easily devastated at the slightest change. He was pure and just starting to realize how much greatness he had in him.

And now?

Victor buried his face in his hands, what had he done?! What was wrong with him? what kind of person abandoned someone they loved?!

"DAMMIT!" Victor shouted, banging his fists against his thighs.

All he could remember watching his young Japanese fiancé blazing through the air. There was a beautiful madness behind his dark eyes.

Yuri was speaking to him though his performance. He shinned radiantly.

"I know what love is, and I'm stronger for it!" Yuri had said at his press conference. He was speaking to Victor then, and now he was doing the same thing.

Quad.

I love you

Triple axel jump.

I am yours

Outward spread eagle.

I offer you my whole heart.

He was flying, weightless.

Victor wanted to race out onto the ice and run his hands over Yuri's hips, over his slender thighs, feeling his iron beneath the form fitting costume.

But the more he was pulled in the more he began to lose himself to the madness of Eros.

That was when things got hazy. He remembered grabbing Yakov and begging him. Running. Feel breathless. Yurio screaming at him to stop. The cold air. A cab. He was writing in his notepad, outlining move after move, step sequence after step sequence. His mind was on fire, and he could think of nothing else.

Victor blinked numbly, still holding his phone in his limp hands.

There was nothing on this earth he could say. No apology could ever suffice.

Yes, it would be better just to wait until his plane landed. He could catch another to take him back and use that time to think of what to say next.

There was a flat screen television in front of his section. Dreading what he might find Victor found a channel live streaming the GPF.

But what he saw next made him leap to his feet.

"- ladies and gentlemen it seems the award ceremony will have to continue without its gold medalist, Yuri Katsuki. History was made tonight, but the question on everyone's minds remains the same. Where is Yuri Katsuki?"

"what's more shocking is that his coach, five time gold medalist, Victor Nikiforov seem to have walked out in a hurry during the middle of the performance. Many have reported seeing the frantic skater ,after his performance, running from rink side and then disappearing backstage. No word on the whereabouts of the young skater or his coach, but one thing we do know is that Yuri Katsuki's performance is one that will go down in history as one of the most compelling, and stunning pieces we have seen thus far!"

Victor choked back sob, his blond hair falling in front of his icy blue eyes.

"You did it Yuri…you won." Victor breathed through his fingers that covered his mouth.

And I have proven just how unworthy I am of you, Victor thought looking out the window to see nothing but endless clouds.

I took away your moment, Yuri, but I promise I'll find you when my plane lands.

I will find you.

Little did Victor know that it would be another year and a half till he was to lay eyes on Yuri again…

And nothing could prepare him for what came next.

-*flash forward*

I could not hate anything more than I hate you right now, Victor Nikiforov, Yuri thought, grinding his teeth.

"Why did you come after me? Why did any of you bother? You're wasting your time and MY money" Yuri snapped tucking a loose strand of black hair behind his ear "that was $3,200 you fucks cost me!"

"STOP IT YURI!" Victor cried squeezing his arms tighter around the younger man desperately. Tears streamed down Victors face, burying it in the nook of Yuri's soft neck. It was all he could do to keep himself from really going over the edge.

"Just stop this! This isn't you!"

"Oh but it is. It really is." Yuri laughed bitterly, allowing Victor to cry and kiss his neck.

"But this doesn't have to be a bad thing you know…."

The SUV became silent as Yuri spoke in the most seductive tone. His body relaxed now, allowing Victor to hold him in his lap without protest.

" as a matter a fact, this could very well be your lucky day" Yuri turned his head to look Victor in the eye for the first time.

Yuri held Victors red rimmed gaze, slowly leaning his ass back against Victor's lap. He rolled his hips from until a blush appeared over the Russian's cheeks.

Yes, I can feel you hardening beneath me, Yuri smirked continuing his play.

"Did you know I fucked men for a living Victor?" Yuri drawled smoothly "Did you know I took their money for a night with me? Do you know what sort of disgusting things I've done for money? I bet you'd like to find out."

Yuri laughed sweetly feeling the men's discomfort and arousal his proposal.

His eyes slid over to Yurio who stared out the window with a hard expression. His arms were crossed and his hood was pulled up covering most of his face, but Yuri knew the body language of men well enough now to know when they wanted something he was offering.

"And you Yurio, haven't you ever wondered what it would be like to fuck me hard? I won that gold by a landslide, even though you worked so hard. It was all for nothing wasn't it? All those months of training- all to end up behind me…..wouldn't you like to punish me Yuri? Wouldn't you like to take me from behind? I bet it would be painful. I bet you could make me cry. Wouldn't you like to humiliate me in front of Victor, and Chris, and Phitchit?"

Yurio said nothing, but Yuri could tell the blond was imaging everything Yuri said.

"You really are a disgusting pig, aren't you?" he finally sneered turning to face him.

"Your defeat and humiliation will come on the ice,Pig" the blond said quietly, leaning so close to Yuri that he could feel Yurio's breath on his lips. "I don't give a shit how many assholes fucked you. I even give less of a shit that you did it for money. What pisses me off was that you ran away like a damn coward!"

Yuri was unmoved, in fact he found it hilarious to see Yurio so upset.

"You could have found another way to get your revenge on that bastard geezer! You could have stayed and won the gold again and again. You could've stole it right from under Victors nose so that he would never have the satisfaction of winning again for the rest of his pathetic career! That's what I would've done!" Yurio was now shouting in Yuri's face, forehead against forehead. "Instead you acted like a little cunt and dropped off the face of the earth! GOD I WANT TO PUNCH YOU IN THE MOUTH!"

Yuri couldn't help it, he broke eye contact first, gasping back his laughter. It bubbled in him, genuine laughter that he hadn't felt in ages.

"Y-yurio!" Yuri laughed doubling over on Victors lap, a lap that was still deeply aroused "Oh Yurio I've missed you, please don't ever change!"

Victor flinched at Yuri's friendly banter with the blond who only rolled his eyes and pulled away to look back out the window in response.

"fucking doorak" Yurio huffed.

They drove another two minuets in silence before Chris finally spoke up , adjusting his rearview mirror to wink at Yuri.

"Nice look you ave there Yuuuuuri, you remind me of an old lover I had once vhen I was younger. He vore his hair long un dark like that too" Chris babbled on happily as if the situation was completely normal. "I ad just completed my first GPF. After I won silver, Ville took me to his hotel and gave me the night of my life!"

Chris slapped the steering wheel as he merged onto the freeway. Yuri noted his surroundings, slowly slipping a hand into the front pocket of his leather pants. No one seemed to notice this.

"He's pretty big in the music industry now, travels all around like us. Obviously our passions for skating and music tore us apart, vat vith touring un training. Sometimes ve meet up and have a little fun vhen he makes rounds in Sweden."

Phichit perked up, enjoying the change in the atmosphere.

"Ville? Why does that so familiar?" Phichit wondered aloud "Ville…Ville, Ville,Ville…..hum. Whats his last name?"

Chris smirked, leaning over.

"Ville Valo," Chris whispered dramatically " he's the lead singer in the band H.I.M."

"OH MY GOD!" Phichit gasped, he reached to grab Chris's shoulder "NO WAY NO WAY NO FREAKIN WAY!"

Chris was obviously enjoying the gushing attention Phichit gave him, smiled broadly.

"I KNOW RIGHT?!"

"LIKE~JUST WOW!"

"RIGHT?!"

That was when Yurio slammed his fist against the back of Phichit's seat.

"Would you two idiots SHUT THE HELL UP?!"

Chris and Phichit laughed, and carried on just to annoy Yurio.

Meanwhile Victor squeezed Yuri against him tighter, afraid at any moment he would lose him again.

"Yuri," Victor breathed into the younger mans ear nuzzling it as he did so. "My Yuri…"

Yuri stiffened. His dark eyes darting out the window for a sign or familiar landmark. He found it and quickly tapped his thumb against the screen of his disposable phone . It was still in his pocket, hidden from sight. Again another landmark, another familiar sign. He kept typing and pressing the send button praying HE would answer.

This wasn't the first time Yuri had been in trouble, but he always knew who to contact, regardless if he really wanted to or not.

"I won't let you go again,Yuri. I'll take care of you," the Russian whispered tenderly on the verge of tears.

His pocket vibrated silently so that only Yuri felt it. He smiled darkly to himself, allowing Victor to lift his pale hand to stroke Yuri's jawline.

He wanted to rip that hand off of his face, and yet Victors touch stirred in him feelings he'd rather just forget.

"No matter whats happened, I'll mend your broken soul Yuri. I don't care how long it takes. I've searched for you for so long, you have no idea…" his hands were now stroking the sides of Yuri's upper arms. He squeezed the delicate arms, then leaned in to smell Yuri's long hair.

It smelled sweet like a woman's perfume, sweet and cheap. Victor surprisingly loved it! It intoxicated him, causing his member to stiffen beneath Yuri.

" I'm never letting you go Yuri," Victor inhaled again, shutting his eyes against the younger man. "I'll atone, I'll be your slave forever. God Yuri, I've missed you so much."

"Ve're almost to the hotel," Chris announced, then resumed his conversation to Phichit about his famous sometime lover. Phichit listened eagerly, although he would glance back at Yuri every now and then to give a warm, sympathetic smile.

As they approached the hotel Yuri sent out one last text, praying it had been seen.

The hotel was grand, with tall white columns wrapping around the rustic porch. Expensive cars were everywhere and Yuri could make out crystal chandeliers glittering within.

Nice, Yuri thought, better than the usual holes I wind up sleeping in. Of course he had a comfortable apartment with all the luxuries he could want.

Alexander kept him comfortable, for a reasonable price. Although the man was married, he had grown attached to Yuri from the moment he met Yuri in Japan.

Yuri could still remember Alexander pulling up in his black Lamborghini. Yuri remembered how broken he had been that night, and how utterly alone he felt.

He didn't love the middle age blond man, but he didn't dislike him either. He was sort of like an uncle figure….

…except Alexander liked to fuck him in the ass once every few weeks in return for the luxuriously furnished apartment.

So yeah, like a pervy uncle.

After Chris parked, all five young men made their way towards the front doors or the hotel, which were massive and made of brass.

Apparently they had already checked in because they headed strait for the elevators, making sure to keep Yuri between them in case he make a break for it.

Victor held him around the waist with one arm, and with the other pulled out his phone dialing a number

"Da, we're headed up now…da….da, lets do everything just to be safe. I have no doubt he is." Yuri shot Victor a seething glare.

What the hell was going on?

"We may need more help…da…da, its that bad."

Yuri jerked away from Victor hoping to escape out the elevator before it closed, but was caught again by all four men. The doors slowly closed as he struggled.

Alexander, you good for nothing son-of-a-bitch, you better find me!

After a moment Yuri gave up slumping against the elevator door I defeat.

"Yuri we only want to help." Phichit pleaded

"You try that again Pig and I'm going to kick you into next week!" Yurio grumbled, jerking the front of his tiger hoodie.

"We have some doctors waiting upstairs for you Yuri" Victor explained, his voice becoming firm "my sources who found you told us about the drugs. I want you taken care of, and I refuse to see you continue to kill yourself. We also need you tested for any stds you might have picked up -"

"I don't have any diseases." Yuri snapped, but not in the least offended. Hell, Alexander even demanded it before he visited Yuri , when he wanted some release. "I see a doctor once a month and I don't fuck without a condom….unless I'm paid very VERY well."

Victor flinched tightening his fists at his sides until the skin over his knuckles turned white.

Yuri smirked at the pain it caused Victor.

Good.

"lets go." Victors voice was hard. He held Yuri's upper arm in a vice grip that caused the younger man some pain.

As they exited the elevator Yuri's heart rate started to slowly increase. He didn't want to be examined, he didn't want to be there with any of them!

Why can't they just leave me alone?

Seeing Yuri's face scrunch with emotion made Victors heart break. He looked so helpless, and for a moment he could see a shadow innocence flicker behind those dark eyes.

"I'm sorry Yuri, but this is for your own good" Victor said as he opened the door to his suite.

Inside were a team of doctors each at their own station with makeshift curtains, stirrups, metal instruments, sterilized areas, and a bed with arm and leg straps.

Yuri felt the color drain from his face.

It took all four of them to drag Yuri into the room, and even that couldn't stop his mounting hysteria which bordered on mad.

"LET ME GO! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU All!" tears of fear and hate ran down his face and he tore and clawed at them.

One doctor with rimmed glasses and a white coat stepped forward and shook his head, no doubt having seen patient's in Yuri's state countless times.

"DON'T TOUCH ME! STOP! PLEASE STO-"

He could feel a needle pierce the side of his neck and a few moments later he lay unconscious with all four men heaving and sinking down to the floor in exhaustion.

"Are you sure Katsudon is worth it NOW, Victor?" Yurio panted, surprised at how much strength the Japanese punk had.

"Always." Victor said quietly, not taking his eyes off of Yuri even for a moment less he disappear again. "He'll always be worth it."

A/N- So I had fun imagining the inspiration Yuri's look to resemble Ville Valo. If you don't know him I suggest you google/Pinterest/or look him up on youtube asap. He is GORGEOUS!...Also our little Katsudon is in for much more than he realizes. Fair warning, it WILL get darker as the story progresses. Kay, now tell me what you think so far. Please forgive my typos. I'm literally writing all of this on my phone and publishing it there as well. So its usually a little hard to edit the way


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Note!   
> I know nothing about medical procedures or anything dealing with medical personnel.  
> .  
> So yeah.

Heart of Ice

Chapter 4

Yuuri was lifted onto a crisp white stretcher gently, and wheeled over to the first examination table.

Victor had interrogated the Katsuki family relentlessly into giving him Yuuri's medical history. He gave the file to the hired doctors who were sworn to protect Yuuri's privacy by law…HIPPA or something like that.

It was only when Victor sat the Katsuki family down did he explain to them the I formation his private detective had given him.

He left out the detail of Yuuri selling himself, but other than that his family deserved to know the truth after a year and a half of worry.

He was received by them in a manner which lacked the warmth the had previously been given.

They knew the reason their son had disappeared was because of Victor. Still, they hadn't shut him out completely.

Victor found out Yuuri had been in contact with his family. He sent them money and only called them twice to let them know he was fine, but not to try to look for him.

The calls were brief, and always ended with Yuuri sobbing.

" He just cried and said-"

"Mama… taihen m-mōshiwakearimasen…"

Mom I'm so sorry…

"calls have been coming in less and less," his mother cried into her husbands shoulder "his voice is different too! H-he's so sad. I can hear it so clearly that he wants to come home but can't. The last call was the worst…"

Yuuri's mother cried uncontrollably, her shoulders shaking as if she couldn't go on.

Yuuri's father wrapped his arms around his wife and squeezed her tightly

The man held his wife, then sent Victor a withering glare.

"He was on speaker phone… Everyone heard." The Japanese elder said in a harsh voice "Someone was hurting my boy. I don't think he meant to call us, but we heard everything none the less. A man was….."

Yuuri's father stopped, his voice breaking as he remembered it.

"Yuuri was being raped. He cried out like a dying animal. It was the worse sound I had ever heard. He begged the man to stop, we could hear our son being beat, and then when the beating was over we could hear nothing but our son crying out like a small child."

"He cried out for his mother for what seemed like ages, and then…." Yuuri's father stopped attempting to compose himself. "and then he cried out for you, Victor"

Now ,as Victor watched Yuuri's lilith form being undressed on the examination table, he thought on all of this.

Meanwhile, Chris, Yurio, and Phichit stood against a wall far from where the doctors worked.

Yurio had his arms crossed and looked down at his feet as they undressed Yuuri.

Chris watched quietly, from a distance, knowing words were not needed at the moment.

Phichit, on the other hand , sat on the floor with his knees drawn up to his chest. He tried not to pick at his nails, but the stress was clearly getting the better of him.

"They have a lot of work to do, guys." Victor said "if you want to go back to your rooms, I can update you when the doctor's are done."

All three men nodded in exhaustion, then left a moment later, except for Yurio who stood by the door for a moment longer

The blond had his blue eyes locked onto Yuuri's unconscious form. Something vulnerable flickered behind Yurio's eyes causing Victor's mouth to part slightly and eyes widen.

Then, just as suddenly, it was gone.

"Don't fuck this up ,Victor." The blond Russian said, blue eyes flashing dangerously.

"The last time I saw him ,before he became this ...thing….there was so much pain in his expression . I thought he might die from it. When Yakov told him you had left , I could see something burn out in him. I didn't realize how much light he had in him, until now."

Victor stared at the blond and nodded.

"I know what you mean."

Yurio gave no indication he had heard him as he walked out the door and shut it behind him.

Turning back to the examination table, Victor steadied himself. It was going to be a long night.

He looked at his watch.

1:45am

Hours passed, but still the examination hadn't been complete. There was so much to deal with, so much damage.

Victor sat by Yuuri's side, holding his ring less hand in his own. Victor himself still wore the gold band Yurri had given him.

He didn't dwell on it though. He couldn't.

Victor couldn't think of anything else except for Yuuri's bruised hips and thighs. His icy blue eyes trailed back up Yuuri's delicate body until he saw the tale tell signs of bruising around his neck.

Someone had choked him recently, Victor thought, feeling murderous.

More bruises on his back along with track marks in the crook of his arms.

The doctors had administered a catheter into Yuuri's urethra and pulled samples of urine to be tested.

Opioids, and lots of it.

No wonder Yuuri acted so erratic.

Finally one of the older doctor approached him with a serious expression. Victor didn't like it.

"Many people who work in the sex industry rely on uppers, especially men." One of the doctors explained as he pulled at one of Yuuri's eyelids "Yes, you see? There. The pupils are practically pinpoints. There was once a group of teen boys I treated that had been trafficked for years, as sex slaves. All of them were addicted to opioids, and treating them was a difficult thing. I imagine this won't be easy either, Mr. Nikiforov but you need to stay strong. The worse is yet to come."

"How much worse can this get?" Victor asked, holding onto Yuuri's soft hand even tighter.

"For the next week Mr. Katsuki will be in the process of detoxing.

" If he hadn't been using for very long there's a chance this wont affect him long-term."

The doctor took off his round glasses to rub his tired eyes.

"Longterm?"

The doctor nodded "weakened immune system, respiratory depression which means no competitive skating for the rest of his life, and of course gastric issues….but he seems like he could bounce back from this with intensive treatments and rehabilitation…if he can follow through."

Victor nodded.

"Whatever it takes, whatever he needs I'll take care of it. Money is no issue, all I ask if for privacy. This is a delicate situation."

"Right," the doctor sighed rubbing his brow "Now onto something I find we should address next….we've found evidence of violent rape, as well as signs of past trauma to his rectum. On the outside there is some slight swelling and scars from past tears, but inside we've found scaring that's indicated severe hemorrhaging. It's a wonder how he hasn't died yet. The opioids he took most likely dulled his senses. They tend to do that. I imagine he took them to ease the pain and reality of being penetrated so violently."

Oh Yuuri….

"Now as for the detox. Its going to begin with dizziness and severe sweating and nausea. He's going to become extremely sick like a bad case of the flu. When that happens expect him to try and bargain with you. He'll do anything for a fix and he'll say anything. Don't believe a word of it. I wouldn't put your guard down until after he's clean. We don't know how long its been since he's had a fix, so we plan to keep him under for a bit longer to pump his stomach."

Victor reached out to stoke Yuuri's face.

"Also I'm relived to say that Mr. Katsuki is clean of any sexually transmitted diseases. We got lucky there, but not by much. There's still so much damage, but first we need to focus of the detox before any real therapy can begin."

Victor just wanted all of this to be over, but nodded none the less.

He had a fantasy that when Yuuri opened his eyes he would smile up at Victor and ask him for some Katsudon. He wouldn't remember the last year and a half, and everything would be back to normal.

"Do what you have to do." Victor sighed as he held Yuuri's hand.

When Yuuri woke up the first thing he noticed was the soft bed beneath him. At first he thought he was back at his apartment.

He tried rubbing his eyes ,but found his wrists were bound.

"wha-"

"Yuuri," came a soft Russian voice.

Yuuri froze. The events of the night before were coming back to him. He locked eyes with the Russian and cried out in a panic.

No!

Yuuri fought madly against the binds that also held his ankles too. He had slack enough to bend his knees to his chest, but not enough to jump to his feet.

He jerked himself, arching his back off the bed and screamed.

And he didn't stop screaming.

Victor sat silently by his side with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

He had one leg crossed over the other, and arms folded across his chest.

He gave no expression as the young man continued to struggle.

They were alone now, and all evidence of the doctors examination, save for the bed straps, were gone.

"Let me go! You have no fucking right to keep me here! This is kidnapping you son of a bitch!" Yuuri cried, falling back helplessly against the pillows.

He was scrubbed clean now.

He wore soft, white, cotton pajama pants, with a white v-neck which was just as soft. Victor made sure he washed off the makeup from Yuuri's face himself. He did so lovingly, almost crying when he was finished. THIS was the Yuuri he remembered.

His long hair was combed, and Victor wasn't ashamed to admit he spent over an hour stroking it away from Yuuri's face. He planted kisses all over the younger mans face while he slept, knowing what would come when Yuuri woke.

"Yuuri," Victor spoke quietly, his silver hair covered his left eye, "Your still high. You need rest now. "

" Let me out of this fucking bed."

"No."

"Let me out of THIS FUCKING BED VICTOR!" Yuuri shouted, pulling against the binds that held him.

"I SAID NO!" Victor shot out of his seat, taking Yuuri's wrists in his and pinned them down over his head.

Yuuri stopped struggling, shocked that Victor had surprised him this way.

Victor's face was inches from his own ,and then quite suddenly, it wasn't.

Victor had closed the distance between them and kissed Yuuri passionately. Yuuri fought at first, twisting his head this was and that.

However, after a few moments Yuuri stopped and accepted the kisses. He submitted and allowed Victor's tongue to part his lips and fill his mouth.

The kiss was hungry yet tender, unlike the kisses he received from his clients or even Alexander. It was warm and for a moment Yuuri lost himself in that kiss.

When Victor did pull away, he noticed something that nearly made his eyes fill his tears.

Yuuri was….blushing.

Victor smiled down at the younger man and held the sides of his face in his hands.

He's still my little Katsudon piglet, Victor thought as he looked deeply into Yuuri's eyes.

When Yuuri didn't answer Victor kissed him again, and again, and again….

Their kisses became deeper and more passionate. By this time Victor had straddled the young Japanese man and began stroking his body.

Yuuri found his body responding to Victor's hands and a moment later he felt Victors cock harden against him.

It was all a haze of passion that Yurri hadn't before felt. Victor's touches were gentle and precise. He had enough slack on his binds that Yuuri could open his legs to allow Victor to lay between them.

"Tell me you want me to take you." Victor breathed as he slid his hands up Yuuri's white shirt. "say it with your own words, or I'll stop all of this now."

Yuuri could feel himself blushing.

What the fuck was that about?

Victor's hands now slid beneath the waistband of his pants, and Yuuri could no longer take it.

"Fuck me you Russian piece of shit!" Yuuri begged then lifted his head to kiss Victor again. "Take all of me. Now, before I change my mind!"

Victor didn't need to be told again. His hands had pulled down Yuuris pants to his ankles revealing his smooth lilith body to him.

Yuuri's member was already painfully hard as he lowered himself to put it in his mouth.

Yuuri cried out. It had been ages since someone sucked him off. Usually he was the one who serviced his clients, so the act itself came as a surprise.

Victor worked Yuuri's cock with his mouth lovingly, but pulled away as Yuuri neared the edge.

"Beg me Yuuri, tell me what you want me to do." Victor growled stroking Yuuri's inner things until he reached the young mans soft ass.

"Ride me Victor, do it now!" Yuuri practically screamed, spreading his legs farther apart. "dominate my ass like you've always wanted. I want it inside!"

"want Yuuri?" Victor teased lifting his fingers to his mouth.

"please…" Yuuri panted struggling against the binds "fuck me Victor."

That was all Victor needed. He made quick work stretching out Yuuri with his fingers, but the young mans body was so relaxed that he didn't need to spend much time on that.

"Tell me." Victor breathed.

He had unbuckled his pants until his large cock sprang out, and began stroking the outside of Yuuri's hole gently.

"mhh!" Yuuri moaned aloud.

Victor rubbed harder. He took Yuuri's as cheeks in both hands and spread them wide.

"Tell me how much you need me Yuuri. Let me hear you!"

Yuuri couldn't take it anymore.

"fuck me like you might lose me again, fuck me like a woman, fuck me so hard I won't want anyone else inside me but you!" Yuuri said breathlessly "God, I hate you so much….FUCK ME VICTOR!"

And that's exactly what he did.

Victor held the head of his cock against Yuuri's ass and pushed. The tip was in and Yuuri wiggled, his body begging for more.

There was a wet slippery sound as Victor pushed in more. Yuuri's eyes shot open and rolled to the back of his head.

"I've dreamed of you taking my ass since I was fourteen, Victor!" Yuuri licked his lips "don't hold back!"

Victors hands went to the back of Yuuri's knee and one quick movement later he was inside of Yuuri.

He pounded his cock into the younger man. Yuuri bounced up and down crying out senselessly.

"I never want another man to fuck you again!" Victor panted shoving his cock deeper "Tell me you won't fuck anyone else but me! Say it!"

"Ah!...o-only-ah! Only you-u!" Yuuri cried through his teeth "only you!"

Victor seized what

was left of his better judgment and kissed Yuuri so deeply he hoped the other man could feel how much he truly loved him

What Victor failed to notice was Yuuri's free hand slide into Victor's pants and retrieve his cell phone, which he tucked under himself.

Because no matter what passion he felt for the older Russian, no matter how much he loved him, or wanted him- Victor had abandoned Yuuri

to a life of torment.

He had to pay, and hurt just as much as Yuuri had.

Victor thought he knew what Yuuri had suffered?

He hadn't the slightest fucking clue.

Still, he had to admit, he always wanted his first time to be just . like . this.

Too late for that , Yuuri smiled to himself, for now he would just enjoy the long awaited moment while it lasted.

He wanted to savor every touch.

A/N-…..I am a terrible, terrible person. Something is deeply wrong with me ,and I'm sorry.

That is all.


	5. Chapter 5

Heart of Ice

Chapter 5

Yuuri lay, still bound to the bed, when Victor had finally pulled himself out. He kissed Yuuri as he stroked back his long black hair away from his clean face.

"This changes things." Victor said with a small smile. "Perhaps I should have waited until you were better, but I already waited long enough. Your mine now Yuuri. Completely mine."

Yuuri smiled back and nodded.

"Yes…but maybe we take things a little slower next time." Yuuri smirked looking down at himself.

" I didn't hurt you did I?" Victor was looming over him in an instant, examining Yuuri's naked form with a furrowed brow.

His expression was priceless.

"No, that's not what I mean, Victor." Yuuri snorted "I mean we should take… whatever this is, slower. Its been a long time, and things aren't like they were before."

"Da…I understand. Whatever you want." Victor agreed as he tucked himself away. "I'm just happy you're here with me."

He smoothed back his silver hair, trying to regain a little composure. His heart felt lighter than it did since Yuuri had disappeared.

"Um…Victor?" Victor turned to Yuuri eagerly at hearing his name.

"Yes?"

"Can I use the bathroom?"

For a moment Victor hesitated.

He didn't trust the young man not to run again. What if he became violent again?

"Victor, my pants are by my ankles and I have cum in my ass" Yuuri said obviously, rolling his eyes. "You can stand outside the door while I take a shower if you don't trust me. I promise I won't try running again."

Yuuri's expression was genuine and Victor nodded.

"Alright, I just want to help you get better- you know that right?"

"Right." Yuuri smiled.

Victor brushed back Yuuri's hair again, kissing his forehead as he did so.

"I love you, Yuuri."

Victor then leaned over, turning his back to him so he could unstrap Yuuri's ankles.

Yuuri's smile faded. His hazel eyes darkened and any softness he had shown previously hardened like ice.

He slid Victor's phone behind him near the base of his back. Once the straps were off he pulled up his pants, rolling the phone into the back of his waistband.

Victor noticed nothing.

Slowly Yuuri stood up noticing the familiar initials on the hotel appliances.

ALC

Noticing Yuuri looking around, Victor chimed in-

"Its an Alexander Lom-Crof Suite." Victor explained "Its an exclusive hotel, very private. Usually I don't stay somewhere so luxurious, but its quite an accommodating retreat if you wish for privacy and peace."

Yuuri almost laughed.

My my, Isn't life just a little bitch, Yuuri thought.

He made his way towards the bathroom door when Victors voice came from behind him.

"leave the door open, please."

Yuuri wanted to stab something in frustration. He wanted to scream until his lungs gave out, but instead just turned to give Victor a smile.

"Of course, I was going to do that anyway." Yuuri shrugged and pulled off his white shirt before heading into the bathroom.

Victor watched his shirt fall to the floor and the young man enter the bathroom. He sat down after a moment and buried his face in his hands.

Yuuri's arms and back were covered in the most beautiful tattoos. Yes, it didn't fail to capture Victor's attention, especially since those tattoos were nothing but references to a fallen angel.

Is that what Yuuri thought he was?

Fallen and damned?

He could forgive the tattoos, since there was little he could do about it, but his piercings had to go.

Victor loved Yuuri's long hair that reminded him so much of himself when he was seventeen. Except Yuuri's sat halfway down his back where's Victor's reached the base of his back.

Yuuri's black hair was layered and silky, and when he moved his head ever so slightly his hair became liquid.

His body remained slender with all the right muscles the ass and legs. This gave Yuuri a more feminine figure, which many skaters also had, including himself.

Head still buried in his hands, Victor could hear the water from the shower, and the curtain draw back. He could feel the steam from the hot shower seep out, and he decided now was the best time to gather some clean clothes for Yuuri to have when he finished.

Meanwhile in the shower, Yuuri took Victors phone in his hands and unlocked the home screen.

Still the same password after all this time? Yuuri shook his head, what an idiot.

He punched in Alexander's number though text and sent him a text as fast as he could.

His own phone had been taken along with his clothes and pills. No matter.

[Its Yuuri. At the Vinyard Village ALC location. Come now.]

Yuuri set the phone to silent, and clutched it praying Alex would answer. He didn't have to wait long.

[I KNOW! YOU MESSAGED YOUR LOCATION TO ME HOURS AGO! I THOUGHT SOMEONE FINALLY TRAFFICKED YOUR ASS TO SOME GODDAMN MEXICAN MOB BOSS- SHIT YOU SCARED ME! I'M IN THE LOBBY NOW! WHERE ARE YOU!?]

[Trying to escape. Victor found me. Can you have room service brought up by an attendant? I'm in room 309. Tell the attendant to act as if they're one Victors fans. I can run for it while he's distracted.]

[If your not out here in one hour I'm going to break down that door and drag you out.]

[just order the fucking room service, asshole.]

[sure thing sugar. Miss that sweet voice already.]

[Fuck off.]

[Oh I plan to ;) ]

Yuuri rolled his eyes the peek out of the shower to find Victor folding some white garments with his back turned to him.

Good. He still hasn't noticed his phone is missing.

After his shower Yuuri wrapped a white towel around his waist, tucking Victors phone under the fabric. He was carful to keep it hidden while he dressed.

Luckily the white pants he given had pockets which allowed Yuuri to hide the phone without trouble.

He made sure to delete the messages he had sent, just in case.

When he exited the bathroom he noticed how dark it still was outside. He wondered if it was even 6 am yet, he hadn't bothered to check the time on the phone.

"Yuuri I had some breakfast sent up for us. Lets eat together, I'm sure you must be hungry."

Yuuri nodded and sat himself across from Victor. The meal had already been set out for him. It looked like a feast.

Eggs, waffles, potatoes, ham, oatmeal, scones, baked danish, omelets, orange juice, coffee…..Yuuri's stomach growled making Victor chuckle.

"Please eat my little Katsudon." Victor said, making Yuuri's heart lurch.

It had been so long since he heard Victor call him that. It was harder to hear than he thought it would be.

Yuuri leaned over the table, just as took a bite of his eggs.

After a moment he paused to look up at Victor.

The silver haired man was watching him, resting his chin on both of his folded hands. Yuuri could see the black button down shirt hewore, which tailored the Russian like a dream.

Yuuri fixed his eyes on Victor until his eyes began to water.

No! Stop this RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Yuuri thought refusing to get pulled back into Victors hypnotic gaze.

He then reached over the table to unbutton the top three buttons on the Russian's shirt.

Victor pulled away for a moment unsure of what Yuuri was doing, then relaxed at the young mans gentle touch.

"There, much better." Yuuri purred.

Victor's eyes flashed then narrowed dangerously.

"careful Yuuri, or you'll make me lose my self control again."

"tell me again how that would be a bad thing?"

"Yuuri…" Victor paused , looking for the right words "You make me weak, you're the only one in this world who can. But right now I need to be strong for you."

Victor grabbed his partners slender hand in his, squeezing it tightly.

"Your hands are already beginning to shake, Yuuri."

Yuuri froze.

Victor was more observant than he thought. What else had he noticed?

"Your starting to sweat Yuuri…I think its time we get you back in bed. I won't tie you down-"

"I bet you enjoyed that too." Yuuri chuckled darkly, sitting back into his seat.

Victor lifted an eyebrow in amusement. His fingers traced his lower lip and then suddenly he began staring at Yuuri intently. His icy blue eyes raked over him. Slowly, Victor brought his ring to his lips and kissed it.

Yuuri looked away, wondering what was going through the Russian's head at that moment.

"I can't say I didn't like it. No, I confess I loved every moment of it. Having you helpless under me, listening to you cry out as your wrists and legs were bound. Were you in a more stable condition, I think I would have take it further.…but perhaps we can save that conversation for a more appropriate time."

Yuuri shrugged, taking another sip of his cranberry juice.

He patted his lips with an embroidered white napkin with the initials ALC on them.

He smirked into his napkin at the initials.

So I'm at THIS hotel, am I? Yuuri thought in amusement.

However that amusement soon came to a halt as he felt the first wave of nausea washed over him.

Dammit, I DO feel the itching start to creep up! Its getting worse. What did they do to my leather pants? I know there's at least three more pills left. Alex usually dropped off a months worth of uppers every time he visited.

It started the night Yuuri met Alexander.

They raced through the streets, music blazing and windows rolled down.

Alexander had his hand on Yuuri's inner thigh stroking it firmly. Tears rolled down his eyes as images of Victor holding him and laughing with him flooded his mind. He still didn't understand why Victor abandoned him…what sin had he committed? Or perhaps Victor only used him.

"Hey sugar, what's wrong? Aren't you having a good time?" the middle aged blond asked slowing down near the shore of a nearby beach. It was pitch black save for the glow of the moon casting its light over the white sand and waters.

"I….I want…" Yuuri turned his red eyes away looking at the black waters ahead. "I just want to die."

"Die? Why the hell would you want to do that, sugar?"

Yuuri responded though his words lacked emotion.

"I was at the World Grand Prix Final….and he just left. That performance was going to prove all of his hard work wasn't for nothing…that I was worthy of being coached by him."

"World Prix?"

"I skated harder than any of them, I pushed myself to the limit…but when I looked for him, Victor had disappeared like smoke." Yuuri turned to Alexander, a man he had only just met and cried in front of him like a child.

"hush now- here I got something that might help" Alexander smirked handing Yuuri a bright pill that looked more like a piece of candy."

"what is it?"

"medicine." Alexander laughed. He look Yuuri's face. In his hand till his lips pursed apart, then slid the pill though along with one of his fingers.

Caught off guard at having a mans finger in his mouth, Yuuri pulled back and reflexively swallowed the pill.

"Tastes nice, doesn't it?"

Yuuri didn't respond. He felt himself starting to get nervous around the middle aged blond and sat back in his seat.

"So, this Victor guy dumped you at an event ,and you lost the competition or something?" Alexander continued not noticing Yuuri's growing discomfort.

" I didn't lose. I won the gold."

Alexander looked impressed then finally asked for Yuuri's name.

Immediately Alexander turned and pulled out his phone. He typed in Yuuri's and Victors name along with the words 'World Grand Prix Final'.

He watched video after video of Yuuri and Victor, and of Yuuri's performance that was posted only hours ago. He was impressed, but even more than that he felt a kind of possessiveness take over him.

Yuuri danced with soul and passion. What sort of man could move so….womanly, yet still assert an aura of power and grace?

More importantly what kind of man could leave such a skater? He was an artist in the ice, there was no doubt about that.

This Victor, or whoever he was, had been the cause of what Alexander saw before him.

He glanced over to the angelic Japanese man ,and was stunned at how drawn to him he was. He wanted to know more about him.

At a glance Yuuri looked no older than 17. His features were extremely soft as if the slightest touch against his white skin would bruise him.

His eyes, although red rimmed and puffy, were so gentle and innocent. His pink cheeks were flushed with emotion and tears.

Alexander reached over to wipe them away. Yuuri made no move to show he cared, but allowed Alexander to touch him just as before.

Alexander wondered just what else the young man would allow him to get away with.

"You can stay with me for a while…if you want." Alexander offered reaching for the back of Yuuri's neck.

He turned Yuuri to look at him.

The young man did, but gave no indication that he heard him.

"Stay with me tonight, Yuuri. I can make you forget the Russian. I can make you forget about everything."

Yuuri's eyes flickered.

"what?"

"Let me help you forget HIM." Alexander whispered.

He pulled Yuuri gently by the neck, and leaned over to kiss the young Japanese man deeply.

At first Yuuri stiffened, but after a moment relaxed. He was still nervous, and Alexander could feel him shaking beneath him.

He pulled away.

"Here, take another one," Alexander offered another bright pill to Yuuri who hesitantly took it. "It'll take the edge off."

Yuuri nodded and swallowed the pill quickly.

"Good boy." Alexander squeezed the back of Yuuri's neck. His hand slowly crept through the back of the young mans hair until he had enough in his hand to give it a little tug.

Yuuri let out a small sound, which pleased Alexander.

After a few minuets of touching and kissing Yuuri, Alexander put his Lamborghini in drive and flew down the freeway till they arrived within minuets at the luxury hotel that looked more like a mansion.

'ALEXANDER LOM-CROF SUITES', read the curling gold letters against the front of the hotel , which looked to be carved from white quarry.

The doors were large and bronze, and the landscape thick with trees that surrounded the hotel.

"This is one of my hotels," he explained, pulling up to the valet area. "Its quite a selective place with all the luxuries you could want for. It's a hidden retreat to those with wealth and influence."

Yuuri felt the drugs course through his body and Alexander's words became difficult to understand.

He could feel someone unbuckling his seat belt and take him by the hand.

It was a good feeling.

Alexander was right, he did feel much better. In fact, he felt as if he could do anything. His heart beat wildly and every sensation was amplified. Colors and lights sparkled before his eyes, and Yuuri smiled with a dreamy expression.

Alexander's hand came around his waist, leading him through a grand lobby towards golden elevators.

He was pulled into a room with thick white curtains and white clean surfaces.

"Welcome to Alexander Lom-Crof suites, Yuuri." Alexander whispered in the mans ear, nuzzling it as he did so.

Alexander was kissing his neck, wrapping his large muscular arms around Yuuri's waist.

After a moment , Yuuri began kissing him back. He was enjoying this.

Feeling Yuuri's receptive mouth open wider, Alexander lifted the delicate man off the floor and carried him towards the bed. He undressed Yuuri slowly, making the young man blush and squirm.

"Have you ever been with a man?" Alexander growled hungrily.

Yuuri shook his head.

"Or a woman?"

Yuuri blushed deeper, looking away.

" I see." Alexander pulled away to find a small bag by his bedside.

"I have a desensitizer lube that warms up on contact. I'll go slow, and take my time. I'll make you feel so good you'll forget about any other man who wronged you." Alexander pushed Yuuri's naked body back, spreading his legs until Yuuri's ass was exposed.

It was the most beautiful thing Alexander hand ever seen.

Yuuri was flush and without a blemish on him. His glasses had been cast aside revealing more expression.

Alexander was rock hard, and true to his word , he took his time.

Yuuri moaned at first as he was stretched out. And only gave away to sweet cries when Alexander entered him.

Bu the time Yuuri was comfortable, Alexander had grabbed the smaller man and lifted him over his cock so that his legs hooked behind his elbows.

He lowered Yuuri down onto his cock and pumped him fast. Every now and then he would lift him up again, only to roughly drop him back down.

Yuuri seemed to enjoy it so Alexander took him to the large glass window and had Yuuri lean against it. His slender hands, and the side of his cheek leaned against the glass which overlooked the countryside. It was really a sight.

Alexander placed a hand on the small of Yuuri's back, guiding him to bend over and arch his back.

Such a smooth body, Alexander thought blissfully as he entered Yuuri again, and again, and again.

He threw Yuuri on the floor and fucked him until rug burns appeared in the young mans knees.

He took him against the dinning room table, then again in the shower.

"You know I've thought about this for a while, but you really do have a strong stamina." Alexander said ,minuets after he had cum inside of Yuuri.

Yuuri's muscles tightened causing Alexander to cry out sharply, and pull out.

"Don't say that." Yuuri snapped though his drug haze. "Don't ever say that."

Alexander had no idea why Yuuri reacted so sharply to his words.

He reached for the young man, but found him stiff to his touch and drew away.

Never the less, their relationship continued like this over the next year and a half.

And with every passing day, Alexander's obsession for Yuuri only grew. He wanted Yuuri to always have need of him, in whatever fashion he was willing to give.

The cravings were getting worse, but Yuuri refused to let the coming symptoms get the better of him.

I'm in total control. I've always been in control, whether or not Victor knew it, even in the throws of passion.

It was a trick he learned on the streets with his clients.

Suddenly as Yuuri and Victor finished their breakfast, there came a knock on the door.

"room service!" the voice called cheerfully

Victor frowned.

"that's strange…I didn't order any room service."


	6. Chapter 6

Heart of Ice

Chapter 6

Victor opened the door expecting an attendant with a tray. Instead two huge bull-like men in black uniforms and sunglasses stood on either side of an equally muscular man with blond hair, blue eyes, and a smirk that made the corners of his mouth twitch.

"Alexander Lom-Crof," the elegant man introduced himself flashing a wolf like grin.

Victor looked at the man in shock. Why was the owner of ALC here?

The man looked to be in his late forties. He was well dressed with a gold ring on his left hand and a Rolex on his right.

The men in black uniforms were obviously this mans body guards.

"Pardon the intrusion," the middle age blond said smoothly, without a trace of courtesy. " but I do believe you have something of mine."

He shoved past Victor, making his way to where Yuuri sat, his eyes wide with surprise and irritation.

"What? What are you doing- get out! This is a private suite and I'm going to have to ask you to leave-" But Victor was cut off by the two security guards who flanked him, blocking Victor from moving any further.

Victor watched the blond bend over ever so slightly, placing one finger beneath Yuuri's chin, tilting his face up to look at him.

"Your idea was stupid and brash. Get your things, the car is already downstairs." The blond commanded , giving Yuuri's chin a playful tug.

"asshole," Yuuri sneered, but stood at the mans command never- the -less "I worked up an appetite, okay? Christ, I can't even finish breakfast without you up my ass about it."

Yuuri!" Victor's voice pleaded, as he tried shoving past the body guards. It did no good, but Victor wasn't about to give up without a fight.

Betrayal stabbed at his heart but he crushed that feeling down with all his might.

Meanwhile Alexander had looked past Yuuri to the tangled bedsheets and straps attached to the bed.

He stiffened in the way an animal did before it was about to attack.

All was quiet for what seemed like ages. The atmosphere in the room changed, and Yuuri felt a sudden sense of dread.

Alexander stepped towards the bed, ripping at one of the sheets and pressed it to his face.

He inhailed.

"Alex, lets go. I'm starting to come down, so lets move before I start tweaking." Yuuri said, completely ignoring Victors struggle.

This is bad, this is so very bad.

There was only one time Yuuri saw Alexander look like that, and the man who crossed him ended up on life support because of it.

A bad dealing with money and drugs…Yuuri wasn't sure why. He didn't ask, nor did he want to find out.

But now Yuuri felt fear creeping under his skin, and didn't know what to do.

Alexander turned slowly, so slowly that Yuuri knew something was something wrong with the man. He looked fucking insane!

When he turned to face Victor there was n expression he hadn't seen before.

Yuuri stepped back unconsciously, and knew something bad was about to happen.

Alexander's expression was cold and murderous. He took a step towards Victor, still clutching the white sheet in his fist.

"Hey what's going on here?" it was Phichit's voice. He, Chris, and Yurio stood in the doorway of their suite, taking in the entire scene.

"I want to leave NOW Alexander! Right now!" Yuuri yelled, he reached to grab Alex.

It was the biggest mistake of his life. In an instant Alex had him by the throat, squeezing him so hard Yuuri thought his neck might snap.

He was no match for Alexander.

And then chaos descended. Yurio, Chris, Phitchit, and Victor roared over the blood pumping in Yuuri's ears. They fought with the security guards, but couldn't get past them to Yuuri.

Yuuri was at the total mercy of Alexander, who gave no indication of relenting.

Victor was crazed, blinded with white hot rage. He fought, desperately trying to save to Yuuri. He roared, making the most inhumane sound.

Yuuri's eyes watered as he gasped for air that wouldn't come.

"So you just spread your legs for him the first chance you got?! Huh- you little whore!" Alexander slammed his ring hand into the aide of Yuuri's face, causing him to crash to the ground painfully.

"I can see why he up and left you! And you were weak enough to let him fuck you like nothing ever happened? Does he even know what you DO Yuuri? That you go out of your way to fuck anyone with blond or silver hair for money? Fucking-worthless-piece- of-ASS!" Alexander roared.

"Please," Yuuri whispered hoarsely, trembling hands closing over his own ears "please s-stop Alex! I can't bear-"

"But you could bear being fucked by him? By a man who treats his fucking dog better than a fucking little Jap whore?"

Yuuri gasped for air where he landed, clawing at the carpet beneath him.

Then came the worst. Alexander began kicking Yuuri again and again until the young man could do nothing but scream and curl away like a child. The pain intensified with every blow.

He was kicked in his stomach and lower back….and then Alex kicked his legs relentlessly.

No, God please! Not my legs! Yuuri tried crawling away, but was always kicked back down again.

Alexander grabbed Yuuri's upper arm, jerking him up only to throw him into the glass coffee table behind him, and again the kicks came.

High pitched whimpers escaped his lips. He paled, while the pain overwhelmed him.

It seemed like ages till the blows stopped. And when they did Yuuri could hardly move. Victor was still roaring like an animal, fighting with all the rage of a madman. He was filled with dark rage

Phitchit had been knocked out and was regaining his senses. Yurio was still fighting like a damn honey badger, as was Chris .

However there was no fight left in Yuuri. He lay trembling and sobbing quietly.

Then after a moment Alexander, still panting with fury turned to Victor and the others.

" Get these sons a bitches out of my fucking hotel, especially that silver hair piece of shit!" Alexander roared.

He turned on his heel and roughly yanked Yuuri off the floor like a rag doll and lifted him into his arms.

A small pitiful sigh escaped Yuuri's tight lips. He pressed his teeth together to keep him self from making a sound, but in the end he let out a cry of pain that made him hyperventilate badly.

"V-v-vic..V-" was all Yuuri could gasp from where he was held.

Alexander stepped towards Victor, as he held Yuuri's trembling form which then suddenly went limp in his arms.

" You did this." Alexander hissed, standing inches from where Victor was being held with his arms twisted behind his back. "if only you had stayed away, none of this would have happened! You think you know Yuuri Katsuki? You don't know shit Nikiforov."

"I WILL kill you," Victor promised in whisper, his icy blue eyes feral and unblinking.

Alexander threw back his blond head. His booming laugh filled the room.

"Oh if you only knew the extent of Yuuri's depravity. This isn't the sweet skating angel you once knew. All that purity and innocence he displayed on the ice is dead. Can't you see for yourself what sort of monster he's become? I'm the only one who knows how to handle him now. Just give up on him already, you did so once, what's one more time?"

The seething emotion seemed to drain from Victor's face with every word Alexander spoke. He looked down at Yuuri's unconscious form in the mans arms, his eyes wide and unseeing.

Alexander strode past the roughed up men, with one body guard in tow.

As he reached the door he stopped, turning to face Victor Nikiforov with a look of triumph.

"He deserves this just as much as you do, you just don't know it yet."

And with that Yuuri Katsuki disappeared once again, leaving Victor like a ghost in the night.

To his admonishment his eyes filled with tears, and the words thoughtlessly slipped out of his mouth.

"I've lost him. Yuuri is dead…"

.  
.

A/N- drop a review or I'll kill them all! Muhahaha!


	7. Chapter 7

Heart of Ice

Chapter 7

Yuuri was dreaming.

He stood in a room filled with mirrors. They surrounded him. Each mirror held in image of himself, except no two images were alike.

He panicked, turning around and around, desperate to find the true Yuri Katsuki.

Which one? Which one?

Each face was like a different mask that Yuuri had built up for each role he played.

But which one was his true self?

In one mirror sat a sadder version of himself, his eyes downcast. This one wore his old glasses, and was slightly chubbier than the others.

" I'll never be good enough. Its time to retire…" the image whispered in defeat.

Another image pressed its lilith body against the glass pane, motioning for Yuuri to come to him. He was sexual and flushed with heat. There was nothing this one wouldn't do.

It disgusted Yuuri to see himself like that. It always had.

Yuuri turned away to find another image of himself screaming in agony. He was on his knees ,pounding the floor with his fists and crying.

"Why did you leave?! What did I do?! TELL ME! PLEASE VICTOR!...please, I love you…"

Another image was dancing upon the ice happily. The image smiled broadly as he landed a triple quad salcow with easy perfection. He smiled blissfully as he glided upon the ice, his arms behind him like a dove in flight.

'Stay Close To Me' was echoing within the mirror, and at that moment Yuuri yearned for the ice.

Another image showed Yuuri covered with tattoos and piercings, his hair long and wild. He leaned against the frame staring strait into his own eyes.

Slowly the image brought a brightly colored pill to his mouth and swallowed it.

Hundreds of images followed, each calling out his name.

"Yuuuuuuuri" a smooth voice drawled to his left.

Yuuri saw Alexander standing with a pill in his outstretched hand.

"C'mon sugar, we both know you need some medicine."

Yuuri flinched.

No, he didn't want it! He didn't want to feel numb anymore! He wanted to live his life and be happy again!

He turned to run in the opposite direction, but came face to face with none other than Victor.

The silver haired Russian looked just like he did at Finals with his long brown coat and gloves.

The image lifted his arms, much like Victor would always do after each performance ,and beckon Yuuri to come.

The image smiled ,and cried out his name enthusiastically.

"Yuuri!"

Yuuri let out a laugh which sounded more like a sob and started moving towards Victors waiting arms.

His fingers nearly reached the side of Victors face when his arm was grabbed roughly, causing him to fly backwards.

"NO!" Alexander roared "I'll kill you before letting you go back to him! I'll KILL YOU!"

Yuuri tried to scream, but his voice caught in his throat as he was dragged farther and farther away from Victor, who still held out his arms to him.

Yuuri was dumped on the passenger side of Alexander's black Lamborghini.

Alexander hadn't bothered to buckle the young man in, but instead dumped him like a piece of garbage.

The black sleek car raced down the highway, weaving in and out of traffic dangerously.

Alexander's knuckles were bone white as he clutched the steering wheel with an iron grip.

The thought of Yuuri fucking other men had never bothered Alexander before. Hell, he even watched the young man have sex with other men in FRONT of him! In fact, it often turned him on to share him with other men. Alexander loved watching Yuuri transform.

He reminded Alexander of a real life Dorian Grey.

The old romantic philosophical novel of a young angelic man whose portrait contained the fount of his eternal youth. The once innocent Dorian Grey becomes a slave to hedonism, and the fulfilment of his life through every sort of pleasure- no matter how depraved or taboo. As the years pass the never changing Dorian Grey remains as beautiful as ever, while his portrait grows increasingly decrepit and hideous with each passing sin he commits.

Alexander wondered what Yuuri's might look like.

I should have him painted for me…on a ruined bed after I fuck him. Yes, that would be perfect.

Alexander had been Yuuri's first, and how sweet he had been!

He glanced over at the delicate form crumpled in the passengers seat and sighed.

He saw the tension in his small frame, even as he lay unconscious. Bruises began forming around Yuuri's neck and face. His whole body began changing colors of various shades of purple and red.

He reached over to stroke an angry bruise on Yuuri's hip bone, which was exposed. He liked how tender the young mans skin felt, and how easy it blemished.

Yuuri flinched at his touch as he slept.

He pulled his hand away for the moment, placing it back in the steering wheel.

I can't forgive you for fucking that Russian, Alexander thought angrily, you're going to have to show me how sorry you are Yuuri.

Meanwhile miles away in a black SUV four men sat in silence as they left ALC suites and headed to the nearest Hilton they could find.

They checked into a room under Chris's name and sat in the room in utter silence.

Victor had noticed that his phone had gone missing soon after Yuuri had been taken. They had been kicked out and left feeling bitter disappointment.

Phitchit was still crying with his face buried in his hands. Chris sat on the edge of the bed looking down at the floor.

As for Yurio, the blond had his back to everyone as he stared out the large window. His shoulders were tense.

Victor didn't bother to sit down. He leaned against a wall with his shoulders hunched and head bowed so that his silver hair blocked his eyes from view.

After what seemed like hours Victor spoke, his voice detached and void of emotion.

"I'm going back to Russia first thing tomorrow."

All heads slowly rose, and turned towards Victor, all wearing expressions of horror and disbelief.

"I don't know what I was thinking coming to America. I don't know why I bothered looking for someone who hates me so much! Its hopeless….Yuuri is too far gone."

Stunned silence deafened the room. No one moved.

And then suddenly someone did.

Yurio was in front of Victor in an instant. His fist slamming into Victor's stomach so hard the older man doubled over and fell to his knees.

He didn't have time to recover.

Yurio kicked the man in the chest sending him sprawling onto his back.

His foot came down on Victor's chest to keep him down. He leaned over the older man, pointing a threatening finger in his face.

"So what-Yuuri thinks you're a piece of shit and hates your guts? You ARE a piece of shit! You're a real douche, you know that? I swear if you give up on that pig now, after all that's happened, I'm going to make you regret it for the rest of your life- LOSER!"

Victor's eyes were wide with shock as he opened his mouth to speak, but Yurio wasn't finished.

"I TOLD you not to fuck this up old man, and what did you do? You screwed him as soon as you could! Didn't you even hear what the doctors said? He had internal bruising and scarring! He was still high and helpless- no matter what you think you felt from him! Of course he's going to lie to you- HE'S. A . FUCKING. JUNKIE! I don't know what you'd call it, but I say you as good as raped him!"

Chris stood up now, coming to stand by Yurio.

"He's right ,Victor." Chris said in a tight voice "Ve trusted you to be levelheaded, and vatch over Yuuri. You knew exactly vhat Yuuri had done , and the lifestyle he had been caught in. To leave him now vould be a travesty and a betrayal you could never atone for."

"Victor don't leave Yuuri! That man is hurting him! Don't you even care?!" Phitchit shouted, crying like a child.

Phitchit himself wore a shinner and a split lip from the altercation earlier.

Victor cried bitterly in silence, bringing his arm to cover his eyes. He was ashamed and riddled with guilt, so much so that he thought he might die from it.

"OF COURSE I DO! I love him more than anything!" Victor shouted angrily. "I messed up, and I keep messing up. Don't you think I know how badly I ruined Yuuri's life?! I DID THIS! And the first chance I got, yes- I fucked him! I wish I had never gone to Hatsetsu, I wish I had never fallin in love with him! God, I wish I had never been born! Yuuri would've been better without me ever having met him!"

"Wallowing like this only makes you more pathetic than you already are! Do something! Be the man I thought you were ,and go after them!" Yurio took his foot off of Victor.

"And by the way, going to Hatsetsu was the best thing that ever happened to Pork Cutlet! You gave him a reason to fight, and the ice gave him a reason to live! He was actually happy, he opened up and took chances! He was alive on the ice in ways I could never be! Give that back to him Victor! If you can get him back to the ice, you can save him!"

"he hates me-"

"He hates everything…most likely he hates himself even more. Which is why we need to save him. He isn't in control and based on how desperate he was to get away I doubt he knows what real love is anymore. How many assholes do you think it took for that concept to be destroyed? I bet he doesn't even understand that sex can be beautiful and pure. It's a tool for him now- its work!"

Yurio knelt down removing Victor's arm from his face.

"He WILL die if we leave him now. The Victor I know wouldn't allow such a monster to keep hurting Katsudon….so in the end its your choice, just like it was the day you hopped on that plane to Japan. You saved the pig from his own self destruction once, and you can do it again…. So will you stay?"

He offered Victor a hand.

"This is your last chance. If you really love the piggy, you'll help us get him back from that monster."

Yurio stared down Victor.

"Well?"

Victor sat up and clasped Yurio's hand firmly.

Yurio was right.

If there was any piece of the old Yuuri left, he would fight to get him back. Yuuri didn't just skate for the sport of it or even for perfecting his art. No, he was emotional being that fought his inner demons on the ice. He used it to convey unspoken words and feelings that infected himself, and like the calm after the storm Yuuri would retreat from the ice healed.

What a sight he had been, the first time Victor had seen him preform. At the time neither Victor or Yuuri knew much of each other personally, but the young Japanese skater had his attention.

He didn't just preform his routine, he lived it, basked in it! This wasn't acting, it was soul bearing!

Victor couldn't take his eyes off of him.

And then Yuuri fell. He fell again and again.

What happened? How could someone with so much soul fall like Babylon at its peak?

And then Ciao Ciao announced that Yuuri let him go as his coach, and not only that but he was also retiring.

He remembered feeling a sense loss at the potential that could have been.

And then that viral video.

He watched on the sofa of his condo, Makkachin lounging in his lap, his eyes hard and unblinking.

What was this? Victor thought angrily, how can someone skating my gold metal winning routine just up and quit?!

Did his coach not push him? Did he lack confidence or motivation? Clearly he has the skill set to make the podium- hell he could easily metal the gold if he tried hard enough!

So what's the problem?

Victor took no time in packing his bags. There was no other option than getting to Japan as quickly as he could. He would fix this. He was obviously the only one who cared enough to do so.

"Yuuri Katsuki," Victor smiled to himself "I WILL save you."

Now as he looked up and Yurio and the others, Victor was hit with the same feeling of protectiveness.

Yuuri didn't belong to Alexander, nor did Victor have any right to take Yuuri for himself so selfishly. It was the ice that owned the young man, and Victor would do everything in his power to reunite them once again.

Whether or not Yuuri ever came back to him seemed so much less important now.

He couldn't proclaim his love for Yuuri if he couldn't give the young man back the one thing that filled him with purpose and worth.

He looked down at his golden ring then back up at the others.

God how he wished that blond bastard was here now. He would gut him without a moments hesitation. He would kill him for what he had done to his….

"Lets get him back." Victor said, his voice dangerously low and silky.

Anger colored Victor's face and twisted the edges of his mouth, and then suddenly he was on his feet smoothing back his silver hair. Malice slowly sharpened his eyes, giving a menacing glint to the icy orbs that caused the others to back away.

"Chris, give me your phone. I need to pull up a tracker app…I believe a certain little piglet is in possession of my phone."

When Yuuri woke his body was overwhelmed with pain. He ached all over. He blinked so that his eyes could focus, but was met with a pair hard blue eyes.

Without any conscious thought involved, Yuuri had thrown himself off the bed and scrambled back until he felt the solid wall behind him.

He tried to remember the events prior to his passing out, which slowly trickled back into his mind.

Alexander had beaten him to a pulp.

He looked around and saw he was back at his own luxury apartment that Alexander had bought for him…..and he was naked.

Alexander stood up grinning like feral wolf down at Yuuri's cowering form.

Yuuri's entire form went rigid, but he made no move to run.

"I'm glad to see you with so much energy Yuuuuuuri" Alexander drawled, towering over the young man.

Alexander noticed Yuuri's hands shaking, but he was unsure whether it was from fear or the withdrawals. Smirking, he reached to pull out a plain bottle from his pant suit.

"You want some medicine, don't you Yuuri?" Alexander chuckled darkly.

He kneeled away from Yuuri, pouring two pills into his hand which he outstretched to Yuuri.

"You're shaking sugar, its going to get bad very, VERY soon. And I know you don't want to try and ride through it like last time."

Yuuri stared at the bright pills in Alexander's hand. God, he wanted them so bad. His whole body needed the sweet release of those poisonous opioids.

"Get away from me!" Yuuri roared, slapping Alexander's hand away from him causing the pills to roll under nearby furniture.

Alexander barked with laughter. He lunged for Yuuri who fought as much as his wounded body would let him. He was like a deer thrashing in the jaws of an alligator. It was futile, but still he fought wildly.

"Yuuuuri," Alexander panted, inhaling the scent of Yuuri's silky hair, "You fucked that Russian, didn't you? I bet his cum is still inside of that ass, just waiting to slip out….that won't do, not at all."

Alexander dragged Yuuri to the bed, throwing him face down.

Before Yuuri could turn around he grabbed both of the young mans delicate arms and twisted them behind his back.

Yuuri cried out pitifully.

Alexander loved that sound.

He took both of Yuuri's wrists and held them down hard with one hand. With the other he unbuttoned the front of his slacks with ease and slipped himself out. He was already painfully hard.

Yuuris face turned to see Alexander positioning himself over him.

He cried out and screamed until his face turned a deep shade of purple. Alexander didn't care, and was pleased to see the thin veins bulge from Yuuri's neck as he violently shoved himself inside.

"P-PLEEEEASE! AHHHHH! GOD, PLEASE STOP!"

Alexander pounded Yuuri harder.

Yuuri screamed in the most inhumane voice Alexander had ever heard. He shoved Yuuri's face into the mattress causing the young man to thrash desperately for air.

Every now and then he would allow Yuuri to gasp in a mouthful of air, only to immediately shove him further into the mattress.

"Did you like his cock in you Yuuri? Did you like being his bitch? YOUR MINE! DO HEAR ME? I'LL KILL YOU BEFORE I LET YOU GO BACK TO HIM!"

Yuuri felt like he was going to pass out again. He wanted to die.

"Whats wrong sugar? Does it hurt? Shhhhh, its alright- cmon baby take it, shhhhh…yes, make daddy proud!"

Finally after what seemed like an eternity, Alexander cried out, and fell on top of Yuuri's bloody form.

He clutched the young man tightly, still deep inside of his and rolled over on his side.

Yuuri was deathly pale, his red rimmed eyes like glass, and body limp.

Had he not been breathing in slow, shallow gasps, one might assume that he was dead.

There were no more tears, no more cries of pain, no more fight left in him.

He was like a hollowed out tree, without any leafs or branches. Just rotten and dead.

It had been so long since someone touched Yuuri without wanting sex. But that didn't matter so much to him anymore.

Until now…

He just instinctively stiffened and drew away from anyone who touched him gently. When men would try and give a little romance to Yuuri, he would drop those clients in a heartbeat.

He didn't feel as if anyone else had the right to show such affection to him, or that he even deserved it.

That was the only way he could bear other men having their way with him.

Alexander had found him once after he had been raped and cared for him.

He cried when he saw that his phone had dialed his parents by mistake…no doubt they had heard the entire awful thing.

Still that was nothing compared to what Alexander had just done to him….nothing at all.

Alex might have been a spiteful, aggressive, old pervert, but he never stepped out of bounds with Yuuri without his consent.

So as he lay beaten and bloodied against Alex he could only stare blankly up at the ceiling. He felt sick from the withdrawals, and sick living inside of his own skin.

How did he allow things to get to this point?

He yearned for a warm touch, but also felt as if an action such as that was reserved for the pure, a consolation for goodness.

Pain blinded him now like nothing he had ever felt, and he welcomed it.

He had a thought before the pain caused him to pass out again.

A thought that reached into his heart and settled there.

The thought suddenly made him happy. It was the sort of feeling you got on Christmas morning when you saw presents piled just for you….he smiled before letting the darkness take him, and could only think-

'When I wake up, I'm going to kill myself'

And with a small smile Yuuri shut his eyes and gave into the pain.


	8. Chapter 8

Heart of Ice

Chapter 8

Yuuri lay tangled in the blood stained sheets even after Alexander rose to shower and dress himself.

He made himself coffee and lunch, read the newspaper from the day before, and turned on the television to watch some local news.

All the while Yuuri remained motionless in the bed with a dreamy expression on his face.

A phone began to ring. Alexander answered it.

"What?... Oh! Hi sweetie!... Yes, daddy will be home tomorrow morning. Did you now! Wow! Such a big girl!...thats good sweetie, yes…yes daddy is very proud of you. Keep up the good work, princess!" Alexander rose from the sofa, smiling into his white cell phone, and sat at the edge of Yuuri's bed.

He reached over to stroke the young mans thigh, every now and then pausing to give it a squeeze.

He noted the slight dreamy smile on Yuuri's face, pleasantly surprise by this.

"Yes, daddy will be on a late flight tonight- no I promise I won't miss your birthday for anything!...sweetie? Could you put your mother on the phone? Yes, I love you too…Yes, teddy too…alright…Love you princess…"

Alexander paused for a moment and leaned over to kiss Yuuri's inner thigh. He smiled at Yuuri who still wore what seemed like a smile.

Then a woman's muffled voice came through his cell phone.

"Hellen?" Alexander's tone took a 360, and suddenly all the doting sweetness was replaced with a menacing growl. He removes his hand from Yuuri and stood up to pace the room.

"What the fuck do you mean by having our daughter call me? I don't give a shit if its her birthday tomorrow- you knew how busy I would be this week! Are you that fucking stupid or do you just like getting me angry? …I bet you do you little bitch! NO ,SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU DON'T GET TO SPEAK UNLESS I TELL YOU TO! I give you an allowance EVERY month to keep your fat ass mouth shut and our daughter happy, and you go and pull something like this?...Listen you little cunt, I don't give two shits…No you can't…"

Yuuri's eyes drifted away from Alexander's pacing form to look past him at the bottle of pills on the table.

He blinked.

The sun spilled though the large windows warming the room. His apartment was on the 10th floor of the high rise, so the view was spectacular.

He wanted to take in the view before he…..

He tried to rise off the bed, but fell back down again. It was too painful. He would have to wait till his body was rested enough to stand.

"...Don't fuck with me ,Hellen. My flight is tonight and if our the house or our staff aren't in order by the time I get there, your ass is gonna pay!...Don't worry who I'm with, that's none of your Goddamn concern…okay Hellen, you want to know? Haha! Okay bitch! It's a woman who knows how to handle this cock. She isn't a frigid cunt like you, and she actually knows how to please me. …oh yes bitch, so you better wise up before I take our daughter away. Remember you're replacable. Everything I own is."

Click.

Yuuri turned to look up at Alexander who rubbed his furrowed brow in irritation.

A moment later he walked over to a wall dedicated to all the records Yuuri loved , and collected over the past year.

He took one off the wall at random and slipped it out of its powder blue sheath.

"Lana Del Rey ,'Blue Velvet', huh?" Alexander looked over his shoulder at Yuuri "you like this kind of music?"

Alexander set it in Yuuri's record player, lifting the needle and setting it on the record carefully.

A dreamy voice came out in the form of a ballad. It had a nice rhythm.

"She wore bluuuue velvet

Bluer than velvet was the night" sang the melodic voice, filling the room.

"Sometimes I REALLY want to kill my wife, like just stick a gun in her mouth and watch her brains fly!" Alexander sighed walking away from the record player.

He sank down beside Yuuri to stroke his face.

"Softer than satin was the light

From the staaaars

She wore bluuuuue velvet

Bluer than velvet were her eyes

Warmer than may her tender sighs

Love was ours"

" I need to head back tonight, but I have a few meetings before then." He lifted Yuuri's delicate bruised hand to kiss it.

Yuuri was silent apart from labored breathing as Alexander touched him.

"shhhh, sugar…daddy forgives you. Its okay now, I'm gonna forget how badly you hurt me." Alexander bent over to kiss Yuuri's forehead "I'll be back the day after tomorrow. Duty calls, and all that rot."

"Leaving?" Yuuri whispered in a broken voice as if he didn't understand the meaning of the word.

"You gonna miss me, huh sugar?" Alexander gave Yuuri's ass a firm slap. "Damn you have some strong stamina, we'll have to test your limits when I return….fuck, you're beautiful Yuuri. You're the only thing in my life that I would fight desperately for….you wouldn't leave me would you?"

He reached over to lay Yuuri on his back so he could straddle his delicate body.

"Ours a love I held tightly

Feeling the rapture grow

Like a flame burning brightly

But when she left, gone was the glow of bluuuuuuue velvet-"

Yuuri winced but remained docile beneath Alex.

"I don't think I could stand it if you were gone when I came back," he buried his face in Yuuri's neck and inhaled "I would find you, you know that don't you? I would hunt you down, no matter how far you went….I love you so much it drives me crazy. You ARE my beautiful possession, Yuuri. Do as I say and I'll give you anything.… now kiss me before I leave, or I might get angry again."

Yuuri remained motionless under Alexander, even though the tips of their noses were touching.

Instead of waiting for an answer, Alexander took hold of Yuuri's lips and bit them. A huff of breath escaped his lips as he trembled involuntary.

A gentle swipe of the tongue, grazing of his teeth on Yuuri's lips, and then roughly taking his mouth again. Deeper and deeper he kissed until both drew apart and gasped for air.

Yuuri's eyes fluttered closed as a deep moan escaped his lips involuntarily from the pain he was still experiencing…there was nothing sexy about it, however ,Alexander didn't take it that way.

"God Yuuri, I'm going to miss you." Alexander pulled away, and stood, straightening his perfectly tailored suit. "Get some rest now. There's still some coffee in the pot. If you need anything just give me a call….oh, speaking of calling. I left your phone on the table. Interesting new cover you have. Looks like the phone is wearing a pink military suit. It suits you."

Yuuri heard his heavy footsteps retreating, then paused a moment at the front door.

Alexander turned to survey the room with approval.

The room was filled with all the luxuries anyone could ask for. He spoiled Yuuri with fine clothes, even though he preferred to dress like a gutter punk. The room was filled with books, records, art, high tech appliances, and a view that was absolutely killer.

For what fifteen thousand dollars a month bought, this place wasn't too shabby. Yes, it was the perfect white ivory tower for his little pet.

Alexander felt a sense of giddy pleasure seeing the bed stained red ,with Yuuri tangled on top. If time permitted he would have taken a picture.

Ah well!

"See you in a few days, sugar!"

The door shut.

The music skipped then began again, filling the void of the apartment.

Again it replayed.

And again.

And again.

"She wore bluuue velvet

Bluer than velvet was the night

Softer than satin was the light

From the stars

She wore blue velvet

Bluer than velvet were her eyes-"

A pair of silver blue eyes invaded Yuuri's thoughts. It was their warm presence that kept Yuuri laying motionless on the bed where Alexander left him.

Those silver blue eyes….

There was such comfort in them that he didn't realize who those blue eyes belonged to for a moment….and then a face formed around those eyes. Silver hair falling over his left eye.

Victor.

He closed his eyes and allowed the beautiful Russian to occupy his thoughts. For the first time in a long time, it didn't hurt to think of him.

Perhaps it was because the weight of life and the future had lifted from Yuuri.

He remembered being twelve and receiving his first poster of Victor Nikiforov.

He remembered crying and holding the poster to his chest. It was the most wonderful gift anyone could have given him.

In the poster Victor wore his hair long and tied back. His head was tilted back and arms raised gracefully.

He wore the black costume that would later be given to Yuuri to use and win the gold.

Oh yes…he won the gold. Yuuri completely forgot.

However, it was Victor's eyes in the poster that Yuuri was drawn to. Their expression was deep and soul bearing.

He always loved the color of Victors eyes. It was the color Yuuri imagined a Russian winter might look like.

Alexander's blue eyes, on the other hand, were hard as steel, cold, and penetrating. They held none of the compassion and generosity that Victor's did.

Victor.

"….Love was ours

Ours a love I held tightly

Feeling the rapture grow

Like a flame burning brightly

But when she left, gone was the glow of

Bluuuuuue velvet…"

Yuuri had experienced a summer of love, those months with Victor. He was grateful for every single moment, and cherished them in his heart.

Yuuri remembered that moment when Victor returned to Japan to be with Makkichan at the animal hospital, unsure if his precious friend would survive.

"Even if I'm not here, I'll be with you in spirit." He had said to Yuuri.

Yes Victor, you're always with me. Sometimes in the form of a ghost, sometimes as an angel…but you are always with me.

"She wore blue velvet

But in my heart there'll always be

Precious and warm a memory, through the years

And I still can see blue velvet through my tears"

Victor's eyes as he watched Yuuri preform, Victor's eyes as he joked with Yuuri, Victor's eyes as he kissed, and made rough love to him.

Yuuri could feel the pain, he could feel himself rising from the bed, he could feel his feet stumble towards the window.

Victors eyes as he held Yuuri's jaw gently in his white hand. Victor's eyes filled with drunken laughter. Victors eyes wide and playful.

For a time he had been happy, happier than he ever deserved t be. It would be ungrateful not to acknowledge that truth.

"Its warm…" Yuuri said quietly, raising a bruised arm towards the large window.

He stumbled, like a newborn giraffe then fell to the floor, wincing in pain. He rested his hands on his bloody thighs.

He listened to the music trying to block out the pain.

Again he rose to his feet.

On the bedside table sat a plain golden box, Yuuri reached for it and opened it slowly. He hadn't touched it in over a year.

Slowly he lifted the lid and stared down into the box which held a single golden ring.

He picked up the ring, sliding it smoothly onto his left hand. He dropped the box which broke into pieces at his feet.

He barely noticed. His focus instead was on the ring which gave him comfort to wear.

Then he turned back to the task at hand.

He reached the window seal and slowly climbed up until he balanced himself on all fours.

The latch was right above his head waiting for him.

Yuuri unlatched the large window and swung it open.

The screen fell ten stories below, but Yuuri barely noticed.

The wind burst through the apartment, whipping Yuuri's hair back. It felt so nice.

"Victor," Yuri spoke quietly, looking up into the blue sky above "I love you…."

Yuuri brought his ring to his lips and kissed it one last time…

"That's the place!" Victor shouted over Chris's shoulder.

The SUV swerved into a parking lot that belonged to a white high rise condo complex.

It was impressive.

"So do we actually have a plan? I mean he could be in there anywhere!" Phichit fretted like a worried mother.

The building was indeed massive, but that didn't worry Victor.

"The tracker app tells me the exact address where my phone is. Its telling me suite 101….that must be on the tenth floor." Victor unbuckled his seatbelt.

Chris didn't bother finding a parking spot. Instead he stopped the car right in front of the buildings massive spinning glass doors.

"Lets go." Chris said following suit.

Yurio had his hood pulled over his head. He was already out of the car and headed through the front doors by the time the others exited the car.

He ran to the front desk, where a short red headed girl stood. She wore a white tailored uniform and a bright smile.

There were elevators to her left, but apparently no one could enter without a building badge to scan in. It didn't surprise him that there would be some sort of security for a place like this.

The apartment was no doubt that blond bastards, so he had to think of something quick.

"Good afternoon sir! How can I help-"

" I'm visiting a friend- Alexander Lom-Crof."

"oh," the girl blinked " I'm sorry but Mr. Lom-Crof just left a few minuets ago."

"what?!" Yurio tried to control his anger, but he knew time wasn't on their side.

Victor, Chris, and Phichit were behind him now looking just as worried.

"Well what about a short girly looking Asian kid? His name is Yuuri. He has long black hair and tattoos, probably looks a little beat up!"

But the red headed concierge girl wasn't paying attention to Yuuri, instead she had her wide eyes fixed on Chris.

She put her hands over her mouth to cover her gasp, but she had become too excited.

"Oh my God! Your Christophe Giacometti, the Swiss skater!" She squealed, coming from behind the counter like a bouncing bunny.

"I'm such a huge fan, I've watched you skate for years! Wow, I can't believe your actually here!"

Chris was a tall man and used it to his advantage, he bent over her, flashing her a dazzling pearly white smile.

He raked his hand through his two tone blond hair, blue eyes hooded beneath his long eyelashes.

"Believe it my darling, I'm so happy I was able to brighten your day." Chris had switched on his unapologetic, sexual personality. "and especially for someone as beautiful as you, I ave to say red hair is my favorite to look at."

The others watched in horror struck fascination as Chris reached down to kiss the girls hand sweetly. He looked into her eyes and gave her a wink.

Yurio had seen the same reaction from Yuuko in Hasetsu when she saw Victor preform Eros for the first time. And without a beat the girl fell backwards holding her nose which began to bleed.

Chris caught her and wiped her nose clean with a handkerchief from his pocket.

"Sorry for causing so much trouble," Chris purred, helping her to stand "but we were all hoping to visit our good friend Yuuri today. He isn't feeling well you see. And I know I would be able to train with more motivation if we could see him, but we forgot we needed a card to get it."

The red headed girl was behind her deak in an instant, typing furiously into her gleaming white computer.

The box next to her made a noise and a moment later a plastic card popped out.

"here!" the girl shoved the card at Chris with the most concerned expression "It's a temporary card that should last for about an hour! Please work hard Chris and stay motivated! I'll be cheering for you!"

In response Chris handed the card behind his back to Victor, who took it and ran to the elevator followed by a disgusted Yurio ,and Phichit who refrained from taking out his phone to take a picture.

Chis meanwhile bent over to kiss the girls cheek, causing her to nearly pass out again.

"Merci!"

A moment later they were piled into the elevator. The playful atmosphere instantly evaporated.

It was the longest elevator ride they had ever been on. The soft music seemed to stress everyone out even more, and when they got to the tenth floor all of them sprinted out of the elevator like a stampede of wildebeasts.

Suit 101

"There it is!" Phichit shouted.

They stopped themselves before slamming into the door, except for Yurio who ran into Chris.

Victor swiped the card causing the scanner to turn green and beep.

What they saw as they opened the door made every single heard drop.

Only the sound of the wind was heard rushing past their ears.

A bloody Yuuri stood on the ledge of the wide open window. He didn't seem to notice them and I stead was occupied with kissing a golden ring that sat upon his finger.

His leg lifted to step into the open space below him when Victor sceamed.

"YUURI!"

He flew to the window, leaping over a blood stained bed with all the speed and agility he could muster.

Victor had nearly thrown himself out the window trying to catch the younger man.

And by some absurd miracle, he did.

He had Yuuri around his slender waist, and heaved him back through the window where they both sank together on the floor.

Yuuri still had his eyes closed as he buried himself in Victors arms.

"Yuuri!" Victor cried angrily, holding the young man fiercely to his chest. He began kissing Yuuri's hair, wrapping his arms so tightly around the young man that he had almost lost.

"Victor…" came Yuuri's broken voice. Victor held his breath, torn in agony at how ragged and worn it was.

"Victor, t-take me home….I-I wanna go home with you….p-please."

And with that Yuuri sobbed bitterly against Victor's chest. He screamed and screamed as much as his body allowed him to do.

And they watched him let every hysterical cry out until there was nothing but silent tears and quiet sobs.

"Yes, Yuuri…..lets go home."

The music continued to play on the record player as Victor held Yuuri, at last ending the sweet ballad-

"And I still can see blue velvet through my tears…"


	9. Chapter 9

Heart Of Ice

Chapter 9

No one commented on the state of the blood stained bed.

There were no words needed to describe what they already knew happened. In a way they felt as if they arrived just in time, and yet were also too late.

Yurio swiped away angry tears as he ransacked Yuuri's closet for some comfortable clothes for Yuuri to wear.

Currently the young man was being cradled naked in Victors lap. Yurio had never seen someone look so haggard.

What if they had gotten there just a few seconds late? Dammit! This wasn't suppose to happen to Katsudon!

Yurio felt sick. They should have done more. He couldn't help take the blame upon himself.

And if he had jumped Yurio would have regretted every foul thing he had ever said to Yuuri in the past.

He could still remember the look of terror in Katsudon's face when he called him a loser a few years back. He cringed at the memory, and wished he could have said something more encouraging…..

However, that wasn't the type of person Yurio was when he was 15. At 17 years old, he knew how fragile a skaters heart was.

We all have hearts of ice, Yurio thought sparing a glance towards Yuuri.

He was rocked slowly, and held firmly to Victors chest.

Victor himself looked as if he was barley keeping it together, but he remained strong for Yuuri's sake.

Chris and Phichit gathers bags and began loading them with Yuuri's personal affects.

When Yurio retreated from the closet he brought with him a pair of soft cotton socks, underwear, black leggings with a large comfortable cashmere sweater. He also found a pair of lace up leather boots, a black cap, and some Channel sunglasses.

Yurio kneeled beside Yuuri and spoke quietly to him.

"Hey pork cutlet, its Yurio. I'm gonna get you dressed, okay?" Yurio waited for Yuuri to acknowledge him.

Yuuri tilted his head against Victor's chest in a slight nod.

"Okay, I'm gonna put these socks on you." Yurio made it a point to tell Yuuri exactly what he was doing before actually doing it "now lets put on your underwear…..okay good….I'm going pull these pants on you, I'll go slow in case its uncomfortable…now just slide your hand through the sleeve of the sweater. Take it slow, Katsudon . Yeah, this was the softest thing I could find…..here, its bright outside I thought a cap would make you a bit more comfortable. Oh and here are some sunglasses- Chris! Phichit! Lets get going!"

Yuuri tried to stand, but Victor would allow nothing of the sort.

"Just rest now, we're going home. To my home in Russia." Victor whispered gently in Yuuri's ear, as they retreated from the apartment " The winter nights are so lovely there. And at night you can see a blanket of stars across the sky. I have a home in the country with my own lake in the back. It freezes over ,10 out of 12 months during the year. Around the land are white mountains and skating on the lake is like a dream…..you'll see what I mean soon."

He continued to whisper into Yuuri's ear down the elevator and through the lobby, where Chris made quick work distracting the red headed concierge before kissing her full on the mouth as a farewell.

Phichit handed Victor his phone that had been on a table in the apartment and tucked it away.

He completely forgot all about it while they were in the apartment.

No one spoke a word during the long drive. They wanted to get as far as possible from that place.

Finally after two hours of driving they reached a double tree hotel. Chris paid for a deluxe family suit with four beds, and kitchenette.

They silently agreed that sharing a room was the best choice. Yuuri needed them now more than ever.

The four men agreed that Yuuri was never to be left alone. And for the time being that meant each of them took turns holding Yuuri.

The young Japanese man hadn't said a word yet, but allowed Victor to bath him as soon as they entered their room. He was slow and gentle as he cleaned the grime and blood off of Yuuri.

The water turned pink from the blood, and had to be drained twice.

He had been beaten badly, and quite obviously raped.

The water dripped from the fosset echoing with each droplet that fell.

"Sorry." Yuuri looked up weakly, his eyes unfocused.

"for what?" Victor asked, disbelieving that Yuuri should be apologizing for anything.

"I ran away." Yuuri explained "after the Grand Prix Final….after Worlds… I'm sorry I ran away…"

Yuuri slumped against Victor as he continued to wash him gently.

"No, Yuuri." Victor said firmly, cupping the young mans face in his white hand. "Never apologize to me. I was the one who ran….I allowed myself to run after an obsession that I thought I had control of…and when I cane to my senses it was too late."

Yuuri looked at Victor with tired red rimmed eyes, but said nothing.

"If I had only stayed…..oh Yuuri….I…I did this to you! Its all my fault. You gave your heart and soul to me, and I betrayed you."

Yuuri shook his head, he lifted his hand out of the water and placed it over Victors.

"I'm responsible for everything I've done to myself." His voice was quiet.

Victor was about to argue when Yuuri's face became tense and tight. His lower lip quivered.

Yuuri bit the sides of his cheeks. He wouldn't cry. He wouldn't cry! Instead he sucked in great gulps of air to hold back those tears, pulling it all back inside him, pushing it back down into the empty place. Even though he was nearly immersed in the warm water, he began to shake and felt on the verge of hyperventilating.

Amazingly, Yuuri felt warm hands on his shoulders, pulling him back up until he was braced against Victor's chest. The Russian was talking to him in low soothing tones that he could barely understand from so far down in his dark place.

After a moment Yuuri regained his surroundings. He cleared the lump in his throat and said in a weak voice-

I-I Iwas the one who started using the drugs…. I was the one who gave up, and let men do whatever they wanted with me. I was the one who fought so hard to destroy myself ,until nothing was left of the old Yuuri Katsuki….I could have chosen a different path. This one seemed to be the one that would help me forget. I just wanted it all to stop."

Victor hated how hollow Yuuri's voice sounded. He reached out to brush Yuuri's long black locks of hair away from his face, but the young man turned his face away.

"What do you fucking want from me?!" his voice quivered to the point of breaking. "Why do you do that?"

"Because I love you, Yuuri." Victor said, reaching to turn the young mans face to look at him. "I love you so much. And I want nothing from you."

"But why?" Yuuri asked desperately "Don't you understand all the things I've done? I'm unworthy, filthy and twisted…why the fuck do you still love me?!"

His voice rose, surprising Victor.

" You asked me why I love you…the answer is simple." Victor shrugged "Every moment I have ever spent with you has been the happiest times of my life. I was selfish and vain before I met you. You have no idea. Then when I saw you skate my routine online, I was furious that the world would allow you to fade from the ice so easily. Why did no one see the greatness that I saw? So I went to you, thinking you would remember the night at the banquet, but you didn't. Still , you let me into your world. You let me make a fool out of myself trying to get you to open up…and then suddenly you did, and it was beautiful. You made me laugh, and cry, and love so deeply….oh Yuuri, how could I have NOT fallen for you?"

Yuuri lifted his hands from the water and brought them to his face. He was in tears, but didn't make a sound.

"I was a dying man before I met you, Yuuri. I may have looked happy, but I was ready to walk away from the ice all together. In a way you saved me."

Yuuri let out a bitter laugh.

" I guess this makes us even now."

Victor could not conceal the hurt and shock that crossed his face. That moment when he saw Yuuri step off the ledge was the worst moment of his entire life. The image burned in him and made him ferociously protective.

This need to love and protect Yuuri left him at a loss and flailing about for words to make sense of his feelings. But all he found was an upheaval of his emotions that whirled inside of him like chaos.

"Yuri Katsuki" Victor said softly, tracing the young mans features with his fingers. "I won't let you sacrifice yourself any further."

It was a vow he intended to keep.

Victor washed Yuuri's hair after another moment of silence, and poured warm water over him gently.

Yuuri was staring into the water as he was washed. His body ached and he longed for the comfort of a warm bed.

A moment later Victor wrapped him in a white robe and carried him to the edge or one of the beds.

He dressed Yuuri in a long white flannel shirt that was taken from his apartment, clean underwear and a pair of white socks. Victor brushed the mans hair, and braided it loosely to the side. He remembered doing this when he wore his hair long years ago. After Victor approved of Yuuri's clean and neat appearance he lifted him effortlessly into bed, tucking him in snugly.

He looked so small and young beneath the layers of clean sheets.

Victor could hardly bear to see him so vulnerable. He looked more like a child than he had ever seen him.

As Victor turned away, the cuff of his sleeve was tugged at.

Victor looked down to see Yuuri clutching it in his delicate hand. His gold ring winked at him in the light, making Victor step towards Yuuri eagerly.

"don't…" Yuuri croaked, letting more tears roll down his face, "don't leave me."

" Never," Victor promised, bending over to kiss the young mans forehead "I was just about to turn down the lights."

After Victor dimmed the lights he crawled into bed behind Yuuri, and drew the young man near to him.

He turned Yuuri to face him then wrapped his arms around him so Yuuri would have no choice but to lay his head against Victor's chest where he instantly began to fall asleep.

It didn't seem real to Victor, he felt a pang against his heart. Yuuri was with him again, and even though things were far from over at least, Victor could say, he had this moment to cherish forever.

After a few hours Victor was awoken to soft whimpers. Yuuri's sleep wasn't quite so peaceful anymore. Victor sat up, watching the young man for any signs of strain that flickered over his features.

His lips tightened and his brow furrowed as he began to toss his head back and forth. Victor noticed that Yuuri was sweating profusely.

Uncertain what precisely to do Victor reached out to touch the young mans face.

"S-stop!" Yuuri cried quietly "Alex stop!..h-hurts"

The bedside lights flickered on one by one. Phichit was the first one to slip out of bed and hurry to Yuuri's side.

"Yuuri, shh its okay." Phichit whispered.

Yuuri's body twisted, and he looked as if he might be having some sort of fit.

"Its alright Yuuri you're safe, its me Victor." He said softly, resting his hand on the Japanese mans delicate face.

It frightened everyone to see Yuuri in such a state.

To everyone's surprise Yuuri turned towards Victors touch, and some of the tension eased from his face.

How long had it been since Yuuri had received any sort of warm affection without the threat of violence or sex?

Victor felt a pang of regret, having took Yuuri while he was strapped down.

His desperate need for kindness had been so starved that a simple gentle touch caused all his fears to abate.

"Sometimes…." Phitchit paused kneeling down, resting his head on the edge of Yuuri's bed. "sometimes bad things that you go through need to filter through your dreams…memories come back to you ,and send your mind directions it shouldn't go. Sometimes you say and do things because of them, and you don't even know why… but that's okay, I think."

Victor continued stroking Yuuri's face when Yurio spoke up.

He sat with his back turned at the edge of the bed, clenching the bedsheets with an iron grip.

"If he's having a nightmare, wake him up. He's been through enough shit already. Don't let him suffer in his sleep too." Yurio grabbed his pillow off if his bed and returned, shoving Phitchit aside.

The blond Russian then proceeded, to everyone's shock, to slip beneath the covers on the opposite side of Victor, so that the two Russians sandwiched Yuuri.

"Turn off the damn light and go to sleep." Yurio snapped, draping his arm over the sleeping Yuuri and scooting closer to him. "We need to get up early to book our flight, and I don't need any of you dragging tomorrow."

Everyone blinked at Yurio's newfound warmth, although his words were sharp.

Chris chuckled then turned to Phichit with his blue 'come hither' expression.

"I vouldn't mind a cuddle party, looks like fun!"

Phichit , always being a good sport snickered and jumped into bed with Chris, nearly tackling him in the process.

"kinda feels like the sleepovers I used to have as a kid!"

"Yeah! Lets snuggle!"

"wow you smell nice!-"

Yurio growled.

"If you damn degenerates wake up the pig, I'm going to kick you in the teeth!" Yurio grinded out through his clenched teeth. "Now, shut your holes!"

And as the lights went out Yuuri's tense body relaxed between the two men, who held him protectively the entire night.


	10. Chapter 10

Heart of Ice

Chapter 10

Victor woke before anyone else. His focus was on Yuuri where he lay next to him. Victor propped up on his elbow, unable to take his eyes off of the young man.

Yurio had ended up sprawling over Yuuri, and half the king size bed during the middle of the night, with one leg hooked over Yuuri and another arm draped over Yuuri's midsection.

The both looked quite comfortable. The blond Russian was even drooling on his pillow slightly ,and looked like a sleeping kitten.

Yuuri looked just as comfortable.

He took a moment to gaze down at the sleeping man he loved.

Victor drew his gaze down to Yuuri's throat which held a bruise in the shape of a hand.

Several buttons were undone on his flannel shirt, exposing hints of his smooth chest.

He shifted in his sleep which caused the fabric of his flannel to also shift…revealing one small pink nipple.

Without thought he reached out to skim his fingers over Yuuri's throat, moving down until he felt the rosy nipple beneath his fingers.

So soft….delicate…

Hard desire took control of Victor, making him ache with need. He remembered feeling this way when Yuuri had woken up strapped to the bed, helpless beneath him and so beautiful.

"You have my whole heart, Yuuri," Victor breathed softly into the young mans ear "You possess my body and soul…always."

The familiar feeling of thoughtless obsession overcame Victor. His eyes became glassy, as he dared to bend over Yuuri to plant a light kiss over the boys bruised throat.

Then another and another.

His tongue traced Yuuri's clavicle without any of the sleeping men around them being the wiser.

How he wished they could be alone for a moment. He would wake Yuuri with sweet soft pleasure. The kind that was slow and sleepy and hungry.

He moved up kissing Yuuri's jawline and continued to do so when he reached the young mans soft lips.

He felt territorial and demanded the kiss ever so gently. Victor was too far gone to care if anyone awoke. He took Yuuri's mouth, slowly parting his lips until Yuuri unconsciously opened his mouth to Victor's familiar kiss.

The Russian was welcomed into Yuuri's mouth with a soft moan, which allowed Victor to stroke his tongue against Yuuri's

He was almost to the edge when Victor pulled back, face flushed and heated.

No, a voice in the back of Victor's mind snapped at him.

He blinked, realizing what was happening.

He flew back away from the bed in horror at what he was so very close to doing to the young Japanese man he loved so dearly.

He all but flung himself out of bed, glancing quickly around the room to its other occupants who were still sleeping soundly, unaware of Victor's molestations.

What the fuck am I doing?

He's already had men force themselves on him. If Yuuri does wish for you to touch him, it'll be on HIS terms, not yours.

Victors mind was conflicted with what his body wanted, and in the end he pulled away, although still painfully hard.

As he was about to turn away Victor noticed more bruises had appeared overnight on the side of Yuuri's face.

The sight of it made Victors blood boil. He fought to regain control of his anger ,and arousal he wished would disappear.

He knew he could hurt Alexander horribly for what he did to Yuuri. It was a feeling he hadn't experienced before, and it frightened him. His personality had never been a violent one. He was the type of person who wanted to be everyone's friend, he had never suffered from long bouts of sadness, and always bounced back to his cheerful self no matter what happened.

He was slowly losing his playful personality. The side of him that was always in high spirits and optimistic, was fading away.

Besides his competitive nature and drive to perfect his craft of the ice ,that overtook much of his youth, Victor usually had a very good handle on his inhibitions.

But now ,it seemed ,he was failing. Possessiveness, lust , dominance, and rage were driving him to do things he would normally stop himself from doing.

Yes, Victor was not only sure he could hurt the man…. But kill him too.

He noticed his white hands shaking with fury, and decided now was as good a time as any to hop in the shower before anyone woke up.

In the shower Victor still couldn't shake the feeling of rage.

He tried steering his mind away from his anger by touching himself.

He held his member in his hand and stroked, thinking of Yuuri's helpless body laying on the bed just beyond the bathroom door.

He wanted to fuck Yuuri until all traces of other men disappeared from the young mans mind. And God ,was there anything more wonderful than the taste and smell of Yuuri's skin?

How was it that Yuuri could change so drastically, yet remain so sweet to Victor?

Finally, as the image of Yuuri sleeping helplessly plagued his mind, he felt the sweet release he so desperately needed.

His body shook from his climax and all he could do was lean his face against the tile wall.

The last spasms left his body, making him twitch every now and then, but the rage remained.

What the fuck was wrong with him?...

He slammed his fist into the porcelain tiles, earning bruised knuckles, but still no relief from his anger. He tried to understand what that violent burst of energy was about, when someone entered the bathroom.

Victor hadn't moved or even cared that someone had interrupted him.

"You okay Victor?" it was Phitchit, he sounded worried.

Victor shook off the violent emotions and tilted his head back against the water with a sigh.

This wasn't a good time.

"Just trying to deal with everything that's happened…I'll be okay." Victor said as if trying to convince himself of his own words.

The sound of running water filled the silence that followed. Victor didn't feel very much like having a conversation about his feelings, and moments after he had cum no less.

"liar." Phichit said simply, sitting on the edge of the toilet.

Yes, Victor thought, he was a liar.

"Your hurt and angry just like the rest of us." Phichit confessed quietly "I just can't stop thinking of that look in Yuuri's eyes after you pulled him back through that window."

"What did you see?" Victor asked after a moment, with morbid curiosity, or perhaps it was something else.

"he looked…pleased." Phitchit whispered, obviously frightened. "for a brief moment I think Yuuri believed he was actually dead… he just leaned back into your touch and looked completely blissful. It was just for a split moment before he understood what had happened….I don't even think the others saw it. There was a lot of panic."

That was indeed disturbing, Victor thought, calming down from his anger.

"Victor," Phitchit asked, his voice filled with a sadness Victor didn't understand. "how could someone be so happy about killing themselves? This isn't the Yuuri I remember. This is someone entirely different…I thought…I thought perhaps when we found him that everything would be like it was before."

Victor leaned against the tile wall, rubbing his red fist.

"he's still Yuuri." Victor muttered defensively, but not at all convinced himself. "I'll help him find his way back."

"Will Yurio also be accompanying you to your home?" Phichit asked

Victor sighed.

Yurio had been staying with Victor while he searched for Yuuri. The seventeen year old blond Russian demanded that Victor update him daily, and pestered him non stop, until one day the blond showed up at his apartment in the city demanding that Victor let him stay with him.

'"just until we find Katsudon"' Yurio had said, shoving past him into his apartment.

There was nothing Victor could say to change the boys mind.

'" Good, because I wasn't going to leave until we found that idiot. And someone needs to make sure you're doing everything you can to find him. So no slacking asshole!"

"Yuuri, Yurio, and I will be staying at my home in the country. The apartment in the city wouldn't be suitable." Victor shut off the water and grabbed the towel Phichit had thrown over the curtain rail.

When Victor exited the bathroom he noticed Yuuri beginning to stir. He sat at the edge of the bed, placing a comforting hand against Yuuri's head.

Yuuri blinked looking around at his surroundings before sitting bolt right up in bed. His eyes were wide with panic as he took hold of where he was and who he was with.

"Yuuri, its alright. Your safe…Yuuri?" Victor spoke quietly, trying to reassure the young man.

The young man was silent, and there was a grey cast across his face that Victor didn't like. He looked as if he had reached the limit of his ability to deal with chaos in his life, and now just expected it as soon as he woke up.

"Yuuri?-"

"I'm fine." Yuuri snapped shortly, pulling off the covers that had wrapped around him during the night.

Yurio snorted awake, realizing his leg and arm were still draped over Yuuri. He pulled them back as if they had been burnt, and sat up along with the Japanese man, looking awkward at the position he had just been in.

"Need to take a piss." Yurio muttered, excusing himself before he slammed the bathroom door behind him firmly.

A moment later the bathwater turned on, and like a cat Yurio yowled-

"Which one of you bastards used up all the hot water!?"

Chris chuckled from his bed, applying concealer to a bruise beneath his left eye.

Yuuri looked over Chris, then turned to Phichit noticing he too had a bruise on his face and sported a split lip.

"You're all hurt." Yuuri said quietly.

Everyone looked at Yuuri with serious expressions.

"It vas vorth it." Chris insisted , throwing his concealer into his bag. His tone left no room for argument. "Friends are always vorth it…"

"Yuuri? How are you?" Phichit asked sitting next to Yuuri .

"fine." Yuuri snapped, obviously avoiding any conversation that dealt with yesterdays events.

"You can talk to us if you want. It okay if you-"

"I said I'm fine, Phichit!" Yuuri yelled, his voice filled with shame and fury. His eyes flicked with a thousand different emotions, and he didn't trust himself enough to speak anymore.

Phichit flinched, obviously hurt but didn't press him further.

No one did.

Another hour and everyone was washed and dressed. Yuuri decided to wear his outfit from the day before, preferring the soft leggings and cashmere sweater that covered most of his bruises.

He allowed himself to be lead from the building without protest. Apparently Victor was taking him to his country house in Russia along with Yurio.

Yuuri felt numb to it all. It was difficult to think much less speak to any of them. What could he tell them that they would even understand? It seemed more appropriate not to talk about IT at all.

Being beaten, raped, and of course attempting to throw himself out the window.

Not exactly a conversation he desired to have. Ever.

Fire flared inside of Yuuri. He wouldn't be cornered into opening up. He felt cold and full of frustrated rage.

That morning as he looked at himself in the mirror ,before showering, he couldn't help but choke back a sob.

His hands clutched the sides of the sink as he gazed into his own reflection. The look behind his hazel eyes scarcely looked human.

And now as they piled into the black SUV, Yuuri noticed how they looked it him. Worried , tense, afraid, sad? Yuuri didn't know what to make of their expressions, nor did he care.

It was Victor however that concerned him a the moment.

"You have my whole heart, Yuuri," Victor had said that morning, believing Yuuri was asleep "You possess my body and soul…always."

He remembered Victor's tongue massaging his and feeling the mans hands all over his body. He could have opened his eyes, could have thrown the man off….but he didn't.

In fact, Yuuri found that he welcomed Victors words and touches. When he had suddenly withdrawn, Yuuri wanted to scream.

He didn't exactly know how he felt about the situation, he wasn't what you would call a love expert. Sex, yes, but love?

No. Not in the least.

Victor spared a glance towards Yuuri , only to see lonely confusion clouding behind his hazel eyes.

He wanted to say something to the young man, but decided instead to place his own hand on top of Yuuri's.

Yuuri made no motion to grasp Victors hand, but he also hadn't pulled away.

A few thousand miles away Alexander Lom-Crof dialed the call button which was labeled 'Yuuri'.

He sipped his wine, and waited as the phone began to ring.

No answer.

Again he called.

Nothing.

By the tenth call Alexander held his phone in an iron grip.

His wine glass had shattered in his opposite hand, and blood began to pour from it.

"Oh Yuuri," Alexander said quietly, punching the dial button again. "Don't make me kill you, sugar."


	11. Chapter 11

Heart of Ice

Chapter 11

When the five men arrived at the airport, Chris withdrew Yuuri's passport and identification from the pocket of his coat, and handed it over.

Yuuri seemed shocked, and completely taken off guard. He didn't think about needing these essential items until he held them in his hands.

"Phitchit and I found then at the apartment on your bedside table and packed them along with everything else we thought you'd need." Chris took out a lollipop from his pocket , offering it to Yuuri who cocked an eyebrow and shook his head in response.

"More like threw everything that looked important in trash bags and ran like hell out of there." Phitchit muttered, pulling out his hamster case phone to check the time.

Meanwhile Victor was still in possession of Yuuri's old phone, which he had taken from him during the night of his examination.

A number labeled 'A' kept calling, which made Victor so angry he finally forced himself to toss the phone into the nearest trash can before he could answer it.

Alexander was trying to get a hold of Yuuri? Well, that was too damn bad. Victor would make sure that blond animal never laid eyes on Yuuri again.

He still felt murderous rage boil within him.

Once they had their tickets the five men headed to the nearest café which had the fewest people and ordered drinks.

Phitchit ordered Yuuri a frozen strawberry lemonade, causing the Japanese man to stare at him in shock.

"What?" Phitchit asked, looking worried "Its your favorite still, isn't it?"

Yuuri nodded.

"Yeah…I just didn't think anyone would remember something like that about me." He said, taking the cold drink like it was the most precious thing anyone ever gave him. "Thanks Phichit."

Usually when a guy ordered him a drink, it was something disgustingly strong that caused Yuuri to become drunk as fast as possible.

Yuuri looked thoughtfully down at his drink with a small smile, then after a moment took a sip. He shut his eyes at the sweet tangy flavor, and let out a sigh of pleasure.

Victor made a mental note to make sure to stock up on frozen strawberry lemonade, when they returned to Russia.

After an hour of silence and worried glances aimed towards Yuuri, the young man snapped. They were treating him like some kind of thing to be pitied and he hated it.

"Would you all stop treating me like a fucking bomb that might go off?" Yuuri snapped causing the four men to jump. "If you want a discussion, fine! Ask away! I don't give a shit! But stop treating me like broken glass!"

They stared at Yuuri in shock, neither one of them unsure what to say.

That is until Yurio opened his big fat mouth.

"Why the hell were you with a bastard like that?" Yurio asked angrily.

Yuuri narrowed his hazel eyes at the blond. They wanted answers? Fine.

"because I liked his cock and I liked his money even more." Yuuri said coldly, without emotion "and because he offered to keep me comfortable. But mostly because he took my mind off of Victor….actually, yes. That's probably the ONLY reason. He gave me drugs, kept me high. And fucked me until I couldn't think strait. This past year has been nothing but a drunken haze. And I've frankly enjoyed it."

Victor hadn't been ready for Yuuri's blunt response. His heart broke, but he had to remind himself that he already knew of what life Yuuri had been caught up in. Still, it wasn't an easy thing to hear

Never the less, Yuuri actually offered answers, no matter how terrible they were to hear.

"So you just stayed with that psychopath and let him abuse you? His money and dick couldn't have been that irresistible." Yurio slammed hi fist on the table "I know you're an idiot, but not that big of one!"

Yuuri took a sip of his frozen lemonade, shrugging one shoulder.

He suddenly wanted something much stronger to drink.

"This was the first time he did something like this. Beat me to a pulp and-"

"raped you bloody? Yeah, that makes everything okay then!" Yurio said, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Yuuri stared over his cup at Yurio for a long moment before setting his drink down slowly, cocking his head to the side as he did so.

"In what way did I give you the impression that I was okay?" Yuuri spoke in a tight voice. He flashed a dangerous smile, leaning forward on his elbows.

The atmosphere changed drastically. It was cold and dark and full of rage. The Yuuri who spoke now wasn't someone to be crossed.

"Was it when he was choking me until I passed out? Was it the blood staining the bed, as you so eloquently put it- raped me bloody? Or maybe it was when I decided to pitch myself out of a window?-"

Phichit gasped, reaching out to take hold Yuuri's wrist gently, causing the Asian man to yank it away violently.

"Yuuri, please we just want you to feel free to speak to us, if you want. We don't want to force you into a conversation you aren't ready for!"

"And when exactly would I be ready to explain why I tried to kill myself?" Yuuri sneered "How do I explain to you, with all that bright hope swimming behind your eyes, that I find my life holding no more beauty or worth, or love. What's laughable is that you all don't even seem to realize that I'm already dead."

A dead silence followed Yuuri's haunting words. While Chris looked like a petrified Adonis statue, Phichit was in tears. Yurio stared across the table coldly at Yuuri, but without any real hate in his eyes.

It was Victor who moved suddenly, causing the others jumped in surprise.

He grabbed Yuuri by his wrist and pulled the young man to his chest. Expecting Yuuri to fight back, Victor braced himself for the blows, which never came.

Instead, Yuuri pressed his face against Victor's lean chest and breathed in deeply. His eyes became heavy with emotion that he tried to bury deep inside of himself.

"You should have just let me die," he shook his head which made his silky black locks fall over his eyes. "however, I realize I am not dead….I am very much alive. Although what that amounts to I don't really know."

Victor crushed Yuuri to his chest and let out a sigh.

"It means everything, Yuuri."

Yuuri winced at the Victors words. Unconscious of what he was doing, Yuuri lifted his hand to rake the nape of Victors neck. His smell was intoxicating Yuuri, calming him down.

There was so much pain he wanted to release, so much of it that Yuuri thought he could die from it. Far worse was the terrible rage that he felt that no one could possibly understand what horror he went through. But it was his fault wasn't it? Yuuri was sure of it.

And as for Victor…..he was still unsure about his feelings. Sure his body responded to his touch, it always had, but Yuuri couldn't shake away his resentment.

Still, he allowed Victor to hold him, and basked in his warmth and smell.

It was true. Yuuri had actively, although unconsciously, sought out clients with the same lean build, light blue eyes, and fair hair as Victor.

Sometimes he would accidentally cry out his name while he was with these men. Not that they ever gave a crap.

There would be moments, the morning after Yuuri slept with these men, that Yuuri would have a flash of insight as to why he was drawn to them.

They would roll over, or open their eyes and smile up at him, causing him to climb swiftly out of bed. Shocked with himself, Yuuri would gather his clothes and run like hell out of the hotels like a someone possessed. He would run until his legs and lungs gave out. And then he would find an alley to throw up in, and cry.

He felt such a feeling rise in him now. He tried to claim control of his hands. They shook and itched.

How he wished he had a pill to take…just one little pill.

Finally Yuuri sighed, shaking his head.

"I don't know what the future holds, I hadn't thought about the future for a long time. But you don't have to worry…I won't try to throw myself out of another window." Yuuri promised in a hard broken voice, unsure if he should remain against Victors comforting embrace.

"besides," Yuuri smiled weakly "I almost forgot how good frozen strawberry lemonades were."

.

After another hour the plane set for Russia announced that it would be boarding soon.

Phichit would be going home to Thailand and Chris to Sweden. They needed to get back into training for competition soon, but promised they would skype often.

Chris took Yuuri in his arms, his hand slinking through Yuuri's long hair. The 27 year old Swedish man kissed both sides of Yuuri's cheeks, then pulled away slowly to look at Yuuri with his big blue eyes.

"I still have two more years left in me." Chris whispered so no one could eavesdrop "The very thought frightens me vorse than anything else….please try and make it back before I retire. I long to go into battle vith you on the ice one last time."

And with that he kissed Yuuri full on the mouth just like he had with the red headed concierge. He winked before pulling away, and bowed to give Yuuri yet another kiss on the hand.

Yuuri nodded in response, but promised the man nothing.

Chris was really something. He had always respected his passion and performance. He reminded Yuuri of the goddess Aphrodite. He loved that Chris was so unapologetic in his display of beauty and affection and pure sensuality. He was an infectious sort of personality, that could make men or women fall for his charms.

Phichit, being slightly shorter than Yuuri wrapped his arms around the Japanese man fiercely. He said nothing for a few minuets, but eventually Yuuri gave in to Phitchit, after feeling the mans quiet tears dampening his collar.

"…thank you Phichit." Yuuri said quietly. "And….I'm sorry for everything. I'm glad I saw you again."

He had known Phichit longer than any of the others. He considered him a true friend even now. Phichit's bruised face and split lip was proof enough of how far and deep his loyalty reached.

Yet despite the passing of time, he was still the same as ever. Still full if life an innocent dreams. Yuuri envied him.

"I'm sorry for everything too, Yuuri." Phitchit said gently into his ear. "Your still my friend, you'll always be my dearest friend."

And then Phitchit began to sob uncontrollably, holding Yuuri tighter around his midsection.

"I don't want to leave you yet, Yuuri. We only just found you…but I understand why Victor is taking you to his country house." Phichit rambled "My mother used to tell me how she spent 9 months ,away in the country, while she was pregnant with me. She said it healed her…so maybe nature will heal you too. It has a funny way of doing that. Its like giving your soul a breath of fresh air, after feeling suffocated for so long."

Then suddenly Phichit pulled away and rummaged through hia backpack till he found what he was looking for.

It was a small plushy hamster on a keychain. He held it out to Yuuri like some sort of precious offering.

"My mom gave this to me before my first competition. She said it would bring me luck and it would take away my fears." Phichit laughed weakly "I know its stupid…but I thought maybe…I-I guess-"

"Phitchit I love it," Yuuri said honestly, taking the keychain. "but are you sure? It was a gift from your mom."

Phitchit's face brightened "I don't need it anymore! Take it! I'm sure It'll bring you so much good luck!"

And then just like that Phitchit was crying again. He nearly tacked Yuuri with another hug.

Yuuri didn't know what to say to that. Why was he so incapable of offering comfort like this to another when they quite obviously needed it.

"Phichit?" Yuuri breathed, finding himself momentarily speechless.

When Phichit pulled away wiping away his tears with the back of his hand. There was a determination behind his friends eyes that he realized how very strong Phichit was.

"Promise you'll watch my performance when I make it to worlds!" Phitchit asked with a smile, trying to put on a brave face "promise me Yuuri, just like you did when we were in our dorm together. Remember Yuuri? We'd watch the competitions together and promise each other that we'd support one another- even if we ended up competing against one another. Remember Yuuri?"

Yuuri couldn't help but smile at this friend.

"I'll watch every performance. I promise."

After a few more hugs, Phichit took out his phone, excitedly

"lets take a selfie!" he clapped.

It took some convincing, but Yuuri finally gave in. He swung his arm around Phichit's neck and leaned in close together until the sides of their heads touched.

Phitchit gave the camera a wink, as held Yuuri closer. The shutter went off ,capturing the image of two friends smiling.

Before Phitchit could ask, Yuuri covered his friends mouth with his tattooed hand.

"You can post it to your Instagram if you want."

Phichit let out a muffled bubbly laugh through Yuuri's hand. He raised up two thumbs enthusiastically.

Finally the moment of departure came. He waved goodbye to Chris and an emotional Phitchit as he boarded the plane.

He noticed Victor's strange expression a they made their way into the plane.

But that lasted only a moment before he realized what sort of plane he was boarding.

Instead of rows of seats, the plane was filled with luxurious private cabins. Yurio had one of his own and proceeded to throw his things inside if a small closet and shut the door.

Then he opened it again, poking his head out to thrust his finger in Victors face accusingly.

"Keep your hands off of the piglet, you old geezer! And you!" he shifted his gaze to Yuuri before throwing him an eye mask "Get some sleep. At least 5 hours. You look like shit."

And with that Yurio shut his cabin door with a snap.

"how long is this flight exactly?" Yuuri asked quietly, following Victor into his cabin.

Victor made no eye contact with him, which irritated Yuuri fiercely.

"about 12 hours." Victors muttered without turning around. "Yurios right you should get some sleep."

" I'm not tired." Yuuri snapped back. "and you don't tell me what to fucking do either."

Victor spun around, his eyes burning with an emotion he couldn't place.

"Good to see you saved all your pent up rage just for me. I was starting to feel left out. God knows you keep looking for new ways to wound me." Victor said in a low shaking voice "I'm trying Yuuri! I hate myself for everything I've done to you, but I'm trying! Can't you at least see that much?"

"Try harder!" Yuuri stepped closer to Victor, grabbing the man and forcing him to face him. "because I won't forgive you! Not ever! I hate you! I hate everything about you!"

"Liar." Victor responded, remembering how Phichit had said the same thing to him.

"Fuck off…..you Russian piece of shit." But Yuuri's words lacked conviction, and instead of being full of malice, they were weak and small.

Victor closed the space between them, slipping his arms around Yuuri's waist so that their chests touched.

His head rested against Yuuri's as his icy blue eyes looked into Yuuri's hazel ones.

"You can hate me…just let me stay near you." Victor pleaded quietly "Even if you hate me, I swear to always stay by your side…please allow me that much."

"you talk like you want to be my slave." Yuuri said, instantly calming down. Victors smell had always calmed him, it reminded Yuuri of winter and ice.

"Yes…perhaps I do." Victor looked pensive and gazed at the young man in his arms. "I would be happy for the rest of my life serving you. "

"Don't say things like that!" Yuuri snapped "You don't even know the person I am anymore…right now I'm so desperate for some dope I would sell myself to everyone on this fucking plane for just one hit. Do you have any idea how sick that is?"

Victor shook his head, his silver hair falling over his left eye.

"You could never sicken me, Yuuri…but this is something I will be addressing. I told you, I wouldn't let you sacrifice yourself anymore. I meant every word." Victor stood to full height towering over Yuuri. "and I don't intend to let another man or woman lay so much as a finger on your body. I want you all for myself, even if that means I myself wasn't allowed to ever touch you again. I can't control how possessive I am over you."

Yuuri's eyes widened.

His heart hammered wildly in his chest at Victors words. He would not deny that his body reacted so intensely to the beautiful Russian.

"But I know I've betrayed your trust so many times that I doubt you'd ever want me as I want you." Victor finally let Yuuri go, turning away to get as far away from him as he could without leaving the cabin. He sat on a small elegant sofa, his head hung and hands laced behind his neck. There was nothing but defeat surrounding the man.

Yuuri stared at Victor then shut his eyes so that he could see nothing.

"and what if I did?..." the words left Yuuris mouth surprising even himself.

Victors head snapped up. His eyes locked onto Yuuri who stood with his eyes shut as if bracing himself for a blow.

Yuuri's delicate yet slightly muscular form was beautiful to look at. A skaters body always was. The curves in the legs, especially in the thighs and round shapely bottom made any skater appear feminine. The soft masculinity of the man has overwhelming.

His long black hair was silky and beautiful. Hadn't one of the skaters from Italy called him a 'closet girl' once? He could see why. But no, Yuuri was no girl. He was a man in full bloom, perhaps even more of a man than Victor.

The form fitting pants that clung to Yuuri, the cashmere sweater that hung so perfectly over his frame. How could Victor not be enchanted with Yuuri?

"I want us to start over." Victor said at long last "from the beginning."

Yuuris opened his hazel eyes. Victor saw confusion flit across his soft features.

"What are you talking about? What do you mean start over?" he asked, caught off guard.

"I want to start over, Yuuri. I want to court you properly." Victor explained sincerely "I want us to start our relationship over again. We never actually ever went on a proper date, I mean we had that day in Barcelona…but I mean something more than that."

"I don't understand what your asking me…" Yuuri shook his head, taking a step back.

Victor smiled, then crossed the small compartment to close the space between the two of them.

" Yuuri Katsuki, will you go out on a date with me?"

Yuuri was too stunned to take another step back.

"a-a date?"

"Yes." Victor said with a soft eager smile "A date. We can take walks around the lake holding hands, or skate on it under the moonlight, and I can cook katsudon for you and we can drink wine over candlelight….and at the end of the night I'll kiss you goodnight and return to my own separate room. No sex, no rushing or forcing anything. A start over."

When Yuuri didn't say anything, Victor spoke again.

"I don't know how good I am with romance…I've always done things spur of the moment. Even the time I said we would get married after you won the gold, I never even asked you- and that was after our first 'date', if that's what you want to call it. So yes, I want to try for romance. I want to try and win your heart all over again!"

He didn't realize there were quiet tears rolling down Yuuri's cheeks until he was done speaking.

"You'd do this for me?" Yuuri asked unable to believe his ears. His hazel eyes searched Victors in confused wonder.

The Russian smiled sadly, knowing what the young man was truly asking.

The only love he had known had a been a lie. He had been used over and over again. He had been abandoned by the first man he ever loved, and beaten to a pulp by the second man who he let into his life. Naturally he believed himself to be unworthy, as if a genuine relationship was something he was unworthy of.

"Of course I would. Yuuri, I'd die for you." Victor whispered, kissing the palms of Yuuri's delicate hands, memorizing their lines. "I'm doing this for me."

His hazel eyes glowed with warmth of his own freewill, and for a moment Victor held a glimmer of hope in his heart that he hoped would never go away.

A/N- review to ease my melancholy

*stares into the abyss*


	12. Chapter 12

Heart of Ice

Chapter 12

.

Yuuri and Victor sat side by side the entire flight in a comfortable silence. Every now and then Victor would reach over to grasp Yuuri's hands when he notice them beginning to shake.

He hides the symptoms of his withdrawal well, Victor worried, he must be suffering a great deal.

After about four hours of this Yuuri fell asleep, his head falling on Victors shoulder.

His body is exhausted.

Carefully he detached himself from Yuuri so that he could pull his seat back to make the Japanese man more comfortable. Yuuri stirred in his sleep but did not wake.

Once he had Yuuri in a reclined position, Victor took a blanket from the cabin closet and draped it around him.

He looked so vulnerable and wounded.

There was a story his father would tell Victor and his siblings when they were younger.

It was a story about a princess who fell in love with a hunter. However an evil sorcerer, jealous of the hunter, placed a curse on the princess. He transformed the beautiful girl into a swan who would only transform back under the light of the moon.

The princess is desperate to get back to her love and flies away to search for him. Then she finds him, he's holding his bow and quiver. He too is searching for her, and without realizing it he shoots her in her swan form.

As she falls she transforms back into the beautiful princess, but it is too late. She dies and the hunter kills himself for what he had done to the girl he loved.

Victor thought about what that hunter must have felt ,seeing the broken form of his princess.

He felt such a feeling now.

Hadn't he broken Yuuri?

Yes, his own prince ,who he shot through the heart, now lay bruised and broken.

"I'll pay for what I did to you, Yuuri." Victor vowed.

He reached out to stroke Yuuri's jaw, but did no more than that.

He meant what he said to Yuuri about starting over. He wanted to take things slow. Victor would woo the young man, and prove his love. He didn't care how long it took. He would wait forever, if that's what it took.

When the plane descended, he reached out to gently shake Yuuri awake.

The young mans hazel eyes snapped open, looking wildly around.

The momentary shock faded, and Yuuri rubbed the sleep from his eyes.

"how long have I been out?" He asked after a moment.

Victor smiled at the sleepy man. "nearly eight hours. You needed it."

"eight hours?!...huh, I haven't slept that long in….well, actually I don't really remember when the last time I slept for so long."

"we're about to land at Pulkovo International Airport. Then we'll be taking a car about another hour from here to my lake house." Victor explained

"I need a hard drink." Yuuri sighed, rubbing his temples.

"Well we are in Russia," Victor smirked "I'm sure my stores at the lake house should still be filled with choice spirits. I think we could all use a drink after these past few days."

"Yes. Lets get drunk tonight." Yuuri nodded seriously "I can hold myself much better with alcohol than I had before."

Victor cocked an eyebrow, "What a shame. I did rather enjoy watching you at the last banquet."

"Yeah, you and everyone else." Yuuri shook his head "too bad I don't remember a thing."

Victor remembered how Yuuri danced so carefree with Victor. How their bodies pressed up against one another passionately, and glided drunkenly across the ballroom floor. He could still hear Yuuri's drunken, carefree laughter in his head. It was imprinted and would never leave him.

"Yes, it is too bad." Victor smiled sadly.

When the plane landed, Yurio was still asleep. Victor woke the boy up by throwing a pillow at him.

The blond Russian really was like a cat. He yowled and hissed curses at Victor, who escaped having a shoe being thrown at him.

When he returned to his cabin he noticed Yuuri sitting, still in his cashmere sweater.

Victor tried to hold back a snort of laughter, but not well enough.

Yuuri narrowed his eyes.

"What?"

"nothing really….Just find it amusing that you'd think I'd allow you to brave a Russian Winter day without a proper coat."

Victor opened the closet to retrieve a thick fur lined emerald coat, black leather gloves, and a fur lined hat.

"that's a beautiful hat." Yuuri commented noticing the hats emerald green fur matched the coats.

"Its called a shapka-ushanka. Most people think it looks funny, but its extremely warm." Victor explained.

He handed them over to Yuuri who looked down at the magnificent items. They really were beautiful.

"Hurry and dress yourself. I won't allow you to leave the cabin improperly dressed."

At that moment Yurio stumbled into their cabin, dressed in a heavy wool coat. Yuuri noticed the blond didn't have a hat or gloves, and frowned.

Yurio noticed the Japanese man staring at him with concern ,and rolled his eyes.

"I was born in this frozen hell, you idiot." The Russian Tiger smirked "I'm used to it, and rather enjoy it. But you? You'd freeze your sorry ass off without all that stuff- also wheres your scarf?"

Yurio reached into his backpack before he could answer, and retrieved a long knitted scarf, throwing it at Yuuri's face.

"Unfortunately I didn't think to pack an extra pair of insulated boots, but the ones hes wearing should do for now." Victor commented, stroking his bottom lip with a ling white finger in contemplation. "Ah well, I'll be sure to purchase a proper wardrobe for you-"

" I don't want you to pay for me!" Yuuri snapped, feeling the heat rise in his face.

Both Russians looked at him as if he were insane.

Victor shook his head, while Yurio let out a "Tsk!" between his teeth.

" you obviously have no fucking conception of how brutal the cold can be here. You've never experienced -47c weather, or you wouldn't be protesting. This isn't America or Japan, this is the fucking TUNDRA MOTHERLAND."

"I can pay for my own clothes though!" Yuuri protested.

"Yuuri, I completely understand. And I don't mean to say I'm trying to pay for you- your worth more than anything money could buy." Victor explained patiently "but we did whisk you away without properly preparing you, and since I know how brutal the weather is here, I would like to take responsibly."

"Just shut up and get dressed!" Yurio snapped in response to Yuuri's glare.

Outside the weather wasn't just cold…it OMFUCKING-GOD-WHAT-KIND-OF-UNHOLY-WEATHER-IS-THIS?!

Yurio mostly shuffled behind Victor and Yuuri, still in a dazed from being woken up, but he didn't seem give the cold air any attention

Yuuri in the other hand was wearing layers of clothes and the wind still managed to cut through them all.

Victor gave him a knowing look which translated into- 'I told you so- now let me buy you some clothes!'

They made their way towards the front gates when Yurio turned around to face the two men, tucking his blond hair behind his ear.

"I need to visit grandpa for a few days." He said, pulling out his cell phone to dial a number "I'll meet both of you at Victor's place by the end of the week."

He glared up at Victor.

"So don't even think about fucking the piggy, or I'll drag your ass across the lake and break it open to shove you in it! Got it?"

Victor held up both hands in surrender.

"You don't have to worry-"

"like I didn't have to worry last time I told you not to fuck around? Yeah, I trust you as far as I can throw you. Katsudon!" Yurio turned to face the Japanese man "if that old pervert tries anything tell me and I'll kick his ass for you!"

Yuuri nodded, making Victor blush a violent shade of magenta. People around the platform threw Victor disgusted looks of outrage, causing the blond to smirk in satisfaction.

"Okay- okay!" Victor shouted, pushing them towards the baggage area "I get it. I'm finished if I touch Yuuri- happy now?"

"not even slightly" Yurio grumbled , shoving his hands deep into his pockets.

The car , which was an elegant Lincoln town car, was mercifully warm with heated seats. Yuuri was thankful to be sitting in between Yurio and Victor.

Yurio was dropped off in front of a small yet charming house with a red roof. His grandfather was already sitting on the front porch, smoking out of a white pipe.

"Grandpa!" Yurio's sulking manner instantly melted into sweetness. Something neither of the men in the car had ever seen from the blond Russian boy.

He leapt out of the car, forgetting its occupants and dashed up the concrete steps, throwing himself into his grandfathers arms.

"Yurochka!" his grandfather, Nikolai Plisetsky, shouted lifting the slender boy into his arms.

Yuuri smiled "So much for being the Russian punk."

Victor nodded smiling at the sight of Yurio's brightening expression. The boy kissed his grandfathers cheeks, crying as he did so.

"He truly is just a kitten." Victor nodded, motioning for the driver to go.

They drove in silence for another hour away from the city. They drove towards a part of the land that seemed forgotten to the outside world. The farther they went the thicker and more beautiful the trees became.

Yuuri stared up in wonder at the icy nature that surrounded him. It was a wonderland of ice and snow, and he felt as if he were entering someone elses story.

"I played in these woods with my sisters as a child." Victor spoke quietly, lost in the scenery that surrounded them. "I know every inch of this forest."

"So is the lake house your families?" Yuuri asked.

Surprised by Yuuri's interest, Victor turned and smiled, his eyes lighting up like Christmas.

"Yes! Er, I mean…hum, well technically it belongs to me since I am the eldest and now head of my family." Victor explained "When my father died I inherited this house. My two sisters inherited two comfortable cottages, and my youngest brother….well he was away at boarding school when my father died. He was 8 at the time, I was 17, and my sisters were both 15….anyway my brother inherited his own country house, although its no where near as large as the lake house."

There was something off about Victor's tone when he talked about his brother, but Yuuri decided to leave it alone.

"Your father died?...I'm sorry." Yuuri found himself saying.

Victor brushed it off.

"Don't be. I'm not."

Yuuri looked at Victor in surprise. He hadn't ever heard the man sound so cold and detached. There was a darkness behind his eyes that bothered Yuuri.

"anyway," Victor shrugged, staring back out the window "I haven't seen any of my siblings since the funeral. I just left after that to continue skating. It was the most important thing to me…like I said before, I was vain and selfish before I met you Yuuri. That wasn't a lie."

Yuuri said nothing, although he wanted to ask Victor if he was still in contact with his family at least.

Yuuri thought about his family: his mom, and dad, his sister Mari, even Yuuko, Takeshi, and Minako. He missed them all. But speaking to them at this point was impossible….so in a way perhaps he did understand Victor's choice.

"We're here!" Victor suddenly exclaimed, pointing beyond a neck of trees.

To say that it was a house was an understatement….this was no ordinary house, not by a long shot.

Yuuri's jaw dropped.

Yuuri gazed at the two-story column portico. There was a garden in surrounding the front driveway which was brilliantly illuminated, and made the fluted columns seems wonderously tall.

Yuuri could see that the many rooms of the entire manor were aglow. He could also see chandeliers hanging from within its magnificent confines.

The style was unlike much of the architecture he had seen through the Russian cities they passed. It was Greek Revival style, and it was glorious.

And the lake! It was frozen solid of course, but it looked more like glass than anything and was vast. If the sheer size of the lake wasn't impressive enough the mountain range that surrounded and reflected on the frozen lake was.

He felt like he had just entered another world. A wonderland of ice and snow and beauty. He couldn't say what was more beautiful: the manor, the lush forest, the frozen lake, or the mountains. Surely this is what a skaters heaven looked like.

Yuuri turned to Victor, but as he was about to open his mouth to speak he noticed Victors concerned expression.

"Victor?" Yuuri said quietly, but the mans brow only creased deeper.

"Someone's here. The house shouldn't be that bright." There was a slight panic in his tone.

Yuuri didn't understand why Victor was troubled. Who could he have been so worried about?

As they pulled into the driveway Yuuri got his answer.

The massive French doors to the manor opened and from the threshold walked two smiling women.

They were identical and couldn't have been any older than Yuuri. Their hair was long, and sat in a long braid at their hips. Even their clothes were the same shade of pastel purple. Both wore expressions that Yuuri recognized in Victor when he became overly excited about something.

The car stopped and both women came skipping happily towards the car.

Victor let out a sigh of relief when he saw them. It was a happy sigh, and one that Yuuri smiled at.

"VIIIIITYA!" one of the girls cried waving her hands in the air.

"Vitya! Vitya! Vitya!" the other called skipping happily towards the end of the driveway.

"Varinka! Valentina!" Victor shouted happily, opening the car door to run into their waiting arms.

He towered over both girls, who seemed tiny in comparison.

He scooped both girls up, one in each arm and spun them around happily.

They were like children, Yuuri thought as he stepped out of the car and slowly walked around to the other side.

So happy and carefree.

After a moment the girls were released and peered around Victor, smiling brightly at Yuuri.

They spoke to him excitedly in Russian causing Yuuri to cock his head in confusion. Seeing his distress the girls glanced back at Victor.

"English or Japanese" he replied to their questioning expressions.

"Oh! I love English!" clapped the first girl, nodding to her twin.

Victor strode towards Yuuri, linking his arms with the twin girls.

"Yuuri! I'd like you to meet my little sisters, Varinka" he motioned to the silver haired girl to his left, then his right "and Valentia!"

"its so nice to meet you!" Varinka said

"Yes! Vitya's never brought a boyfriend home before….well actually he hasn't been home since he was 17, but we're so glad to meet you!" Valentia agreed

" Vitya, why didn't you tell us you were going to visit?-"

"Yes, Vitya! And you haven't called us in nearly two years! All we get are stupid birthday cards once a year!-"

"Not that we don't appreciate your cards!-"

"We save each one-"

"but its really very naughty of you to avoid giving us a call every now and then!"

The girls huddled around Victor who laughed nervously, lifting his hands in surrender.

"Sorry, I've just been really busy. But I am glad to see you both." Victor sighed, scratching the back of his neck "I didn't expect to see you here. Yuuri and I decided to get away from the city for a while."

Yuuri bit the inside of his cheek at Victors obvious lies. He was a terrible liar.

"I don't understand" Valentia cocked her head

"What about all that skating stuff that you were doing?" Varinka questioned

Victor held up his hands for silence. Yes, these girls were obviously related to Victor. They were graceful, yet playful, caring, yet…..clueless?

Skating stuff?

Did these girls not realize they stood before Russia's five time world champion? Victor Nikiforov was a living god of the ice. Everyone knew him! He was practically a celebrity!...How is these girls seemed to know nothing of Victor, their own brother?

Then…..Yuuri relaxed a bit, they couldn't possibly know who he was then. That's a relief. It wouldn't do for them to compare the skater he had once been to whatever kind of fucked up gutter punk he was now.

So lost in thought, Yuuri hadn't noticed that another figure had joined them.

The figure had watched the scene from the doorway a first, leaning against its frame elegantly.

The figure uncrossed his arms and legs,and slowly descended the stone steps. His feet barely made a sound as he approached.

For a moment the figure couldn't take his eyes off of Victor, he pinned the 29 year old with a hard contemptuous glare. His eyes moved towards Varika and Valentia, who chattered on endlessly.

But none of them held any weight for his attention. Instead his attention was drawn to another figure.

He was a young delicate Japanese man, with the softest features he had yet to see on another man.…even himself.

His hair was like black silk and he wore an emerald fur lined coat, with a matching hat and black gloves.

The young man appeared innocent at a glance, but it was his hazel eyes that gave him away.

There was something dark behind those eyes….something that was seductive and unforgiving.

My , how intriguing.

Suddenly Varika saw the figure approach. Her eyes lost a bit of the twinkle that a moment ago filled it.

"oh….brother, I'm sorry we ran out so quickly" she said quietly, giving him a small smile.

Valentia lost her smile at the sight of her youngest brothers appearance.

"yes…sorry." She apologized, glancing between her two brothers.

"Please, don't mind me" said the figure with a smile "I wouldn't dream of interrupting this happy reunion!"

The figure seemed bright, but the expressions on his sisters faces told another story.

Be careful, they said without speaking a word.

Victor stepped forward, his eyes widening at the sight of his younger brother.

He hadn't seen the boy since their fathers funeral.

But this was no boy of 8. This was a 20 year old man, whom Victor knew close to nothing about.

Victor turned to Yuuri ,motioning him to come forward.

"Yuuri...this is my youngest bother ." Victor paused for a moment, as if a bit uncomfortable "my youngest brother, Vitaly."

Vitaly…..

But his name wasn't the only thing that made Yuuri barely able to stifle a gasp.

He hadn't noticed Vitaly immediately, as Victors sisters had ambushed him.

He rather expected Victors brother to look similar to Victor, but that was not the case.

It was as different from night is to day. Where Victor and his sisters had silver hair, Vitaly's was black. In contrast to his pale skin his eyes were the only indication that he was related to Victor.

Where Victor was incredibly handsome, he also carried with him a masculinity that made hearts stop. Where his sisters were pretty, they were also as bubbly as Victor.

However Vitaly was nothing if not heart stop stopping beautiful. His features were flawless and perfectly formed, high cheekbones, narrow delicate nose, sharp jawline, and sinfully full red lips that parted slightly.

He moved fluidly, with such grace that Yuuri understood that he had no normal upbringing.

This sibling was refined and held himself in a way the others did not. What was it about him?

Even his pale skin , which all the Nikiforov's possessed, resembled something akin to alabaster….Was he some kind of god?!

"Uh….hi." Yuuri said weakly

Yuuri's expression was not missed on Vitaly . The dark haired Russian's eyes flashed over Yuuri's form hungrily.

He looked over Yuuri without a shred of shame, as if he were something fine to be possessed. His icy blue eyes widened which made his already thick black eyelashes appear longer than they already were.

His red lips curled into a smirk and he couldn't help but flash a dazzling smile at Yuuri who quickly looked away, his cheeks slightly flushed.

Vitaly stuck out his hand to shake Yuuri's ,who in turn accepted reluctantly.

He had never met someone who made him feel as awkward as Vitaly did.

Oddly, he made a point of holding Yuuri's hand longer than necessary, deliberately brushing his thumb over the back of Yuuri's hand.

"The pleasure's all mine." Vitaly said in a slow sensual manner that made Yuuri stiffen.

Yuuri glanced nervously towards Victor who was busy talking excitedly with his two sisters.

Noticing Yuuri's embarrassment, Vitaly chuckled softly.

Yuuri pulled his hand away, staring at the breathtaking man in dark contemplation.

He knew this game, and he was damned if he would play it again.

.

Alexander arrived back at Yuuri's apartment and stood in the center of the room with his fists clenched.

The sheets were still stained with blood. The half eaten breakfast he made the afternoon he left, was still on the table….and for some reason the window was wide open.

The closet was nearly emptied, and Yuuri's passport he kept by his bedside table was missing.

Alexander wanted to scream in fury.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and with lighting fast reflexes he answered it.

" You better have found something" he spoke dangerously into the phone.

"Yes sir. We found a lead. Some Thai kid posted it a few hours ago on Instagram. We'll send you the link so you can confirm its actually him."

"send it now!"

Click.

Alexander glared down at his phone until a message flashed on his home screen.

He opened it and sure enough the link took him to the page of a familiar Thai skater he had seen in Victor Nikiforov's company just days ago.

In the picture the Thai boy, Phichit was with Yuuri, winking into the camera happily.

Alexander began to laugh, which then turned into an outright roar of rage.

He grabbed items around the apartment, smashing them to bits. He had never felt such a possession of fury in his life.

Oh Yuuri, he thought through his blind rage, if only you understood what you've done to me….and what I'm forced to do to you now.

Alexander took out his phone to stroke the picture it held with the tips of his fingers.

What a shame….and he's such a beautiful boy too.

.


	13. Chapter 13

Heart of Ice

Chapter 13

Inside of the manor Yuuri was stunned to find it filled with Persian carpets, oils paintings in golden frames, baroque furniture.

There were glass shelves filled with old Christian icons, ornaments, and sculptures.

The sculptures and icons were bloodless in appearance, much like most of the Russian art before the modern century.

Victor was lead inside by his sisters who wouldn't stop talking for a second. They took him to one of the drawing rooms with a grand piano and deep blue and gold curtains that hung from giant wall size windows. Beyond the windows Yuuri could see the frozen lake reflecting the dim setting sun.

"Please, allow me to take your coat and bag." Vitaly offered in the sweetest voice.

Yuuri didn't want to seem rude, especially since Victor's brother was being so polite to him.

However, Yuuri still couldn't shake the feeling of nervousness.

He handed Vitaly his bag then proceeded to take off his gloves, hat, and fur lined coat.

Vitaly's eyes widened as the layers began to peel off of Yuuri.

It had completely slipped Yuuri's mind that there was a bruise un the shape of a hand print on his neck.

Vitaly said nothing, but something flickered behind his icy blue eyes that Yuuri did not see.

His cherry lips parted, smiling, and drinking in Yuuri's form shamelessly.

"I can see you play the same sport as Victor," Vitaly commented, as he placed Yuuri's items into a nearby closet. "your body gives you away."

"I don't anymore." Yuuri said wishing he could change the subject.

Picking up on this feeling, Vitaly quickly took Yuuri's arm and lead him into the parlor where his sisters and Victor sat.

"I don't understand, why you all are here though" Victor said, looking curiously back and forth between his sisters.

"We meet here every year on the anniversary of fathers death, don't you remember?" Valentia said, cocking her head to the side.

What color was in Victors face instantly drained.

"oh yes," he muttered, shifting his gaze to the floor.

"Sounds more like you don't really give a damn, brother dear." Vitaly said sweetly, flashing a dazzling smile.

Vitaly's words caused Victor to flinch. He strode across the parlor, holding into Yuuri's hand as he did so.

"That's not it….I just …I get swept away when an obsession hits." Victor tried to explained. He avoided Yuuri's eyes as he confessed to his siblings.

He offered Yuuri a seat, and as he sat Vitaly couldn't resist kissing the top of Yuuri's delicate tattooed hand. He didn't break eye contact with Yuuri, causing the young man to shift in his seat.

Vitaly was overpoweringly beautiful to a point where Yuuri questioned if he was actually real.

"of course," Vitaly turned to seat himself gracefully at the piano, "Father was always concerned with your 'obsessive' personality. At least something came of it. I'm sure it was worth it. Shame father died before you could actually validate yourself to him . But I suppose you and he didn't quite see eye to eye during those final years anyway."

Yuuri felt aware of the commanding nature the twenty year old boy nymph held.

Just by his tone Yuuri could tell the posh boy had always spoke down his nose to others.

He held a patronizing sort of superiority over his own family, and Yuuri couldn't understand why.

However, one thing was clear.

Vitaly viewed his silver haired siblings with disdain, especially Victor, whom he apparently hadn't seen since he was eight.

Victor looked up as his younger brother who began to play the piano. There was something behind those icy blue eyes clouded.

"Alfred Eric Leslie Satie," Vitaly explained changing the subject, as his fingers slowly caressed the keys. "you could say his 'Gymnopedies' were a precursor to the ambient piano compositions we hear today. I certainly would….Such a haunting melody, don't you think Victor?... Can hear the how he must have enjoyed creating those soft repetitions? How could he not have loved them? Nothing complex. No bullshit. It imbues the atmosphere…fills it up."

Yuuri was hypnotized with the fluidity of Vitaly's fingers.

It seemed Yuuri could forgive Vitaly's rudeness with just the sound of his playing. He wasn't just proficient….he was a goddamn virtuoso.

The music that came from the piano penetrated his ears as if he were being put under a spell.

He soon forgot about the beautiful mans intense looks that made him so uncomfortable and lost himself in the music. It was hypnotic and he felt himself going under a spell.

"I've missed you brother," Vitaly's soft voice said.

It was a sweet voice that came out the impossibly beautiful brother, but it was Vitaly's flashing eyes that dispelled the illusion of innocence.

"Surely you've missed me as well? I hope so. We have so much to catch up on, the two of us." Vitaly's fingers did not miss a single note, and commanded the piano as easily as he commanded everyones attention.

"Actually, Yuuri and I came here to be alone." Victor said without a pause "and I expect you all will respect our wishes.

Both of his sisters nodded quickly, with a understanding smile, but as they began to speak reassurances of their departure in the morning, Vitaly laughed.

He continued to play and laugh. His laughter reminded Yuuri of bells.

"Oh Victor, must you really still hate me so much?" the piano prodigy laughed "Perhaps if we had the same mother ,you would care about me. Even just a little. What do you think Yuuri? Should I color my hair silver, so my brother Victor would love me? Doesn't seem to mind your dark hair though. And neither do I. Seems we have something in common, brother!…. I've always been fond of dark hair myself."

Vitalys eyes locked onto Yuuri's hazel ones and held them.

"Yes, dark hair and beauty has always been an irresistible pleasure of mine."

Victor leapt up. He crossed the room placing his hands firmly on the hood of the grand piano.

Vitaly visibly flinched, but did not waver in his playing.

"Get your hands off my goddamn piano, brother." Vitaly smiled, still holding Yuuri's gaze. "or I might have no choice but to feel jealous."

"Of course I love you, Vitaly." Victor said quietly, removing his hands "theres just so many things that have happened within the past few days…..and Yuuri and I need time-"

"your lover?" Vitaly interrupted, shifting his gaze to Victor curiously.

"I don't see how that's any of your business." Victor's eyes flashed possessively.

"Yuuri," Vitaly called, slapping his brothers hands off of his piano "I can see you and Victor wearing matching rings. Victor seems ashamed, so I'll ask you. Did the two of you get married?"

"Vitaly, enough!"

"I just want to know if I have another brother to love. Surely you of all people can understand the anticipation of discovering a brother you didn't know you had!" Vitaly flashed another brilliant smile, his icy blue eyes glittering.

Victor said nothing, but rather turned away from his brother to face Yuuri.

"Its been a long day Yuuri, why don't we head up. I can show you your room." Victor offered out his hand for Yuuri to take, but the young man mearly glanced down at it in annoyance.

"You promised to get me drunk." Yuuri snapped, shoving his shaking hands beneath his armspits.

Moment by moment the effects of the withdrawals made him lose what little patience he had. Soon, he feared, he might snap it a big way if Victor couldn't give him something to curb his addiction.

"I don't think now is the most appropriate-"

"I need a hard drink ,Victor….and lots of it." Yuuri snarled, running his tattooed hand through his hair "Get me drunk Victor. Now!"

Victors two sisters giggled behind their hands, but stood never- the -less to leave the men in peace.

"We'll be heading back to the cottage first thing in the morning, Victor." Varinka said skipping over to kiss her brother on the right cheek. "you all have fun!"

Valentia did the same to Victors opposite cheek, then linked her arm with her sister and made for their rooms.

Yuuri thought it was a damn shame, Victors sisters looked like they could be fun to drink with.

"Yuuri, you still NEED to rest, lets just go to your room first and get settled. Then after a shower I'll fix us some drinks." Victor said, leaving no room for debate.

However Yuuri wasn't taking any shit tonight.

"Hey Vitaly," Yuuri called past Victor, making the cherry lipped man perk up "wanna get fucked up with me?"

Yuuri smirked as his words causes the young man to hit the wrong note on the piano.

The beautiful young man looked back and forth between Victor and Yuuri, then smiled in amusement and inclined his head.

"That sounds delightful!" Vitaly said, spinning around the piano bench. "However, I think my brother may be right. Let me take you to your room, just so you can set your things down and get comfortable."

Victor gave his younger brother a hard look, but said nothing. Instead he shook his head and walked out of the room.

Then he stopped at the door and turned to face Vitaly.

" I DO care about you Vitaly…and I'm sorry I've been such a selfish brother to you…and I don't care who your mother was. Father loved her, and he loved you too. We're brothers and that's the end of it."

And then he was gone.

Yuuri knew when Victor became too stressed in social situations, he liked to have some time to himself. Usually it was in a pool, soaking alone.

"This family has a flare for drama," Vitaly chuckled darkly making Yuuri bite his cheek. "Although I'm sure this comes as no surprise to you…I bet you didn't even know he had a family before coming here….I wonder then how important you are to him?"

Yuuri didn't reply, but allowed Vitaly to take his hand, more familiar with him than Yuuri liked and pulled him to his feet.

Vitaly pulled Yuuri along, picking up his bag from the closet before heading upstairs.

Yuuri allowed Vitaly to lead him by the hand like a child until they reached the second floor.

"here we are!" Vitaly said opening a large mahogany door. " this one is yours, the one at the end of the corridor is mine, and Victors is right across from you"

"how convenient." Yuuri muttered under his breath.

As soon as the door opened Yuuri could see why Victor had insisted he rest for a bit.

The sheer elegance and comfort of the room drew you in and begged for you to bask in it.

The four poster bed was larger than any bed Yuuri had ever seen. It was like two king size beds were put together and dressed in the finest down blankets and pillows. The windows were covered in green velvet drapes to keep the light out and the warmth in.

The bathroom was just as marvelous and held a ground bath so deep Yuuri was sure he could submerge his whole body beneath it.

The room was perfect and outrageously extravagant in ways he had never seen before- even with Alexander.

Alexander…

Yuuri outwardly shivered and turned around only to fund Vitaly standing behind him. He looked seductive, leaning against the doorframe. It was strange seeing a man, who clearly wasn't Victor, gaze at him hungrily with Victors eyes.

"I was a child when Victor left…not sure I entirely care to get to know him anymore. I know little to nothing about him, really." He told Yuuri, stepping forward "Besides, I'd rather get to know you more. Your far more interesting than my brother anyway."

Yuuri nearly flinched as Vitaly lifted his pale hand to brush a lock of hair behind Yuuri's ear in the most intimate way.

Yuuri didn't understand this man.

But Vitaly smiled as if nothing happened then handed Yuuri a white towel and robe from the rack.

"you should soak for a bit. Take your time. I'll be downstairs in the parlor when you've finished and we can have something hard….to drink" Vitaly winked before exiting the bathroom.

Yuuri finally felt himself relax and let out a breath he hasn't realized he had been holding.

He was definitely uncomfortable, or perhaps it was his anxiety that made him feel this way.

He wasn't usually this nervous around men who quite obviously found him attractive…

But then again, none of those men looked so breathtakingly beautiful…he was unearthly to a point of scary.

Just as he suspected, Yuuri was able to fully submerge himself into the bathtub.

He relaxed his bruised body and finally had a moment alone. He had been surrounded with people trying to coddle him ever since he tried to kill himself.

Oh yes….

Yuuri looked down at his form. He felt numb looking at the bruises, as if he were looking at a body that didn't belong to him.

He felt a wave of nausea but held it down.

He needed a hit badly.

God what wouldn't he do for one!

Yuuri grabbed two fistfuls of his long hand and bit back a sob. How had he become this thing? He was losing it and just wanted to go back to Alexanders apartment where he could continue taking those pills that made all the bad noise in his head go away. He wanted to put on something tight and go clubbing, he wanted to let older men fuck him, and he wanted to forget.

He looked down at the damage Alexander had done when he discovered that Victor and he had been intimate.

Wonder what he would do to me now? Yuuri wondered without a care.

Probably fuck me until I was dead, then continue fucking me some more.

Death by sex…..hum….well as long as he could have a hit first he didn't think he'd mind.

Then there was Victor.

He wouldn't deny that he still loved the man. No, there would be no point. Yuuri hated that he still bent to the mans influence.

He felt like some kind of goddamn slave.

But Victor said he wanted to seduce him….to actually date him.

What the fuck had that been about? Was the man some kind of masochist?

No one wanted to date Yuuri, no one ever had. So the proposal shook Yuuri to his core.

After what seemed like an hour Yuuri got out and wrapped a towel around his waist.

The full length mirror was slightly foggy, but he could still see himself clearly.

Christ he looked like a damn woman. His delicate bone structure, soft features, and pronounced muscles in his ass and legs just made his image all the more clear. Perhaps without meaning to he allowed himself to take on this image for the sake of keeping his clients happy.

Especially those curious heterosexual men who had a wife and needed a release.

But he was a man, dammit. And there were times he needed release too.

He dressed himself in a long black tunic with a thin hood, so his bruised body remained covered. The extra fabric at the neck hid the purple fingerprints left by Alexander, and for the most part he felt comfortable enough.

He paired it with form fitting pants and decided to walk around in his bare feet.

He dried his hair the best he could and combed through it so it appeared neat.

Victor was right, he still exhausted. His eyes were still red, and the dark circles under his eyes made him look paler than he usually was.

Yuuri made his way downstairs when he heard another 'Gymnopedi', being played on the piano.

Yuuri welcomed it.

It seemed where Victor was a prodigy on the ice, Vitaly was one on the piano.

When Yuuri entered Vitaly motioned to a tray on one lf the tables filled with choice liquors and wines.

Yuuri went for a scotch and slammed it back. Then another, and another.

He felt warm and good and wished he had club he could escape to. He felt the sweet dizziness start to creep.

As the song finished, Vitaly stood to pour himself a glass of red wine.

"So you and my brother are lovers? Or rather were lovers?" Vitaly asked casually, leading him to a nearby love seat "I imagine you must have felt a great disappointment with him recently, am I right?"

Yuuri sat beside Vitaly, shooting back another scotch.

God that felt good.

"Why would you say that?" Yuuri asked, licking his lips of the taste of alcohol.

"The way he looks at you. Reminds me of how a lioness looks before she pounces on an antelope. That and…" Vitaly paused taking a long sensuous sip of his red wine. "And the fact that you have love marks all over your neck."

Yuuri blinked confused momentarily from the drink coursing through his veins.

"oh those." Yuuri shrugged "no he didn't do that. But the bruises on my wrists he did do…ha! Had me tied up like a sacrificial virgin and fucked me hard."

"indeed" Vitaly was interested now, scooting so close that their thighs pressed against one another. "I imagine he's never played so roughly with you before."

"nah, it was our first time with one another…I admit I had enjoyed it at the first. But after…." Yuuri shook his head, getting to his feet to pour himself another glass.

Vitaly smiled at him again, a knowing look swimming behind his eyes.

"I hardly think hes the sort of lover who can satisfy your needs. Bit selfish of him…I can only imagine your disappointment." Vitaly laughed "tell me does he make you cringe every time he touches you? Or have you just resigned yourself to submit to him whenever he wants a piece of ass? Victor has always been a selfish bastard."

Even in his drunken state Yuuri was shocked.

This man was a complete stranger, yet his words were outright insulting. Rude innuendos were one thing, but Vitaly seemed to have no filter and apparently though he was being charming

Yuuri had no idea how to respond.

"You're quite a beauty, you know that?" Vitaly told him. He stood and walked behind Yuuri, pressing himself against his backside.

He lowered his head so that his cherry lips grazed the back of Yuuri's neck.

"You must be so tired of being fucked like a rag doll." He whispered, tracing the sides of Yuuri's thighs with his fingers, but Yuuri stepped back and slapped his hands away.

"Don't fucking touch me. You're his goddamn brother!" Yuuri exclaimed in disbelief.

"So? All the more better I say! At least then we could fuck each other without anyone discovering us. After all, why shouldn't we take advantage of such an opportunity? I can just imagine how good your cock would taste sitting in my throat." As Vitaly spoke he took steps closer to Yuuri who began slowly backing away until he felt a bookcase behind him.

"I see that look in your eye" Vitaly continued, cornering Yuuri "my brother hurt you deeply. I know that look well. You see he hurt me as well. Just because my mother began as our fathers mistress. Victors mother died of a broken heart because of it, but isn't all fair in love and war? After she died my mother was taken as his wife, and my half siblings have hated the sight of me ever since. As if I killed their precious mother!"

Vitaly grabbed Yuuri's wrists, pinning them to his sides. He swooped down and captured Yuuri's lips un a deep kiss. Then pulled away to look into Yuuri's hazel eyes, wildly.

"Hes hated me since the day his mother died ,and has pretended as if I don't exist as soon as our father died. I had hoped that my siblings would come to accept me, but they never did…my own brother abandoned me, Yuuri….just like he abandoned you a year and a half ago."

Yuuri was shocked that Vitaly knew about that, or rather he was shocked that he was still so easily recognizable.

"I watched you on television that last night of your performance. It was the only time I could see my brother. And then I saw your face as you searched for him…it reminded me of my sorrow. Don't you see, Yuuri? We can share our pain together, and I could make you feel better than he ever could!"

Yuuri stared at the beautiful man and shook his head.

"I'm not fucking interested, you Russian piece of shit!" he spat. "your delusional if you think I'll agree to sleep with you!"

Vitaly's icy blue eyes darkened, his smile growing coldly suddenly.

"and you act like I fucking care."

Yuuri's blood turned to ice.

He stopped breathing, unable to comprehend what was happening.

Vitaly laughed ,and a moment later he was pressed up roughly against Yuuri. His hard cock grinding against Yuuri's.

It was so unexpected that Yuuri didn't have time to move his head to avoid Vitaly's brutal kiss. He found himself gasping for air as the dark haired Russians hands moved over Yuuri's body.

Then as Vitaly reached down Yuuris pants to grasp Yuuri's cock….. his shock gave into blind rage.

Not again! He thought wildly, remembering the day he begged Alexander to stop. How pathetically he cried out for mercy that never came.

Never again would he allow someone to hurt him like that. And unfortunately for Vitaly, he would be the first to understand this.

Yuuri twisted his wrist out of Vitaly's grasp and instantly grabbed a fist full of Vitaly's hair, bringing he beautiful boys face down hard on his knee.

There was an awful crunch, but Yuuri wasn't done.

Not even close.

As Vitaly cried out in pain, clutching his broken nose which was now flowing freely of blood, Yuuri slammed his fist into Vitaly's stomach.

As he doubled over, Yuuri took his elbow and smashed it back into Vitaly's blood stained face.

He tried grabbing Yuuri again, but he was no match for how quick Yuuri was. Years of skating had taught him nothing else, but to strengthen and stretch his muscles on his lower body.

Yuuri kicked him with all the strength he had, sending Victors brother flying back hard.

Yuuri was manic with hatred, and all he could see was Alexander in front of him- at HIS mercy! Yuuri could hardly contain his laughter. It became high pitched and mad.

Then he straddled Vitaly and dealt him blow after blow, until the once breathtakingly beautiful boy was nothing but a sobbing mess of blood and tears.

But Yuuri couldn't stop himself. And why should he? Would Vitaly had stopped molesting him? No. He would have taken Yuuri by force and he would have enjoyed every moment of Yuuri's suffering.

He deserved this.

"Yuuri!" came Victors voice through the blind rage "What are you doing!? STOP! STOP IT GODAMMIT!"

Yuuri felt Victors arms around his waist as he was lifted, full bodily off of Vitaly who was curled up on the floor crying pathetically.

Victor slammed Yuuri against the bookshelf in a similar was he had been by Vitaly only moments ago.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?! That's my brother Yuuri! You could have killed him!" Victor shouted, more angry that Yuuri had ever seen him.

Yuuri stared at Victor coldly.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Yuuri couldn't believe his ears.

"I wish I would have killed that little shit!" he shouted back, his voice quivering from the trauma of it. "He deserves worse than I gave him! The first time in my life I fight back and defend myself, and you ask me what's wrong with me?! Yes, I probably should have waited for you to save me from being raped again! We all know how well that fucking worked last time don't we? My fucking knight shinning armor!"

Victor face paled at Yuuri's words and he instantly let him go.

"What?"

"Seems like you're not the only one in your family who likes me pinned helplessly beneath them!" Yuuri hissed, hating how weak his voice sounded. " must run in the family."

"Victor leave Yuuri be!" Valentia's voice came through the door followed by her twin sister.

Varika nodded stepping into the room assessing the scene before them.

"Shes right. Vitaly's done this before….although his past victims haven't been as lucky as Yuuri was tonight." She said quietly, looking down her pixi nose at Vitaly moaning on the floor "Yuuri was in the right."

Before Victor or anyone else could speak, Yuuri fled out of the room and out of the manor without a glance back. He needed to be on his own.

He walked towards the edge of the frozen lake and walked along the bank, feeling too much adrenaline to care about the brutal cold.

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Victors voice played in his head over and over again like a broken record, and he could barely keep from crying. Instead he let out a crazed scream that echoed across the lake and forest.

Victor claimed to care about him, then a moment later betray Yuuri without a thought.

He didn't even care enough to ask for an explanation. And to think Vitaly, Victors own brother, was comfortable enough to fuck him without a thought to his own brother.

Maybe he should have fucked the little shit. Maybe he should have let Victor walk in on them.

Just the thought of seeing Victor's face as he bounced on his brothers cock would have been worth it.

Sigh.

….what the fuck was wrong with him?

On the other hand Yuuri understood the scene that Victor walked in on.

His little brother being beat within an inch of his life by the man he loved. What would Yuuri had done if he walked in on Victor beating his sister, Mari, to a pulp.

…probably the same thing.

But why did he have to scream at him so accusingly? He would have told Victor point blank what happened.

At least his sisters had enough sense to figure out what happened. Seems Vitaly had done this many times.

But this time he had chosen the wrong victim.

After twenty minuets Yuuri could no longer stand the cold and made his way back inside. Vitaly and his sisters had apparently left, most likely to the hospital.

Which meant Victor was still here. Drunkenly Yuuri glared up the stairs, ascending them slowly and purposefully.

His cock hardened with every step he took, as did his anger.

His heartbeat wildly in his chest.

As he came to the top of the stairs he made his way towards Victors room, intent in every action he took.

He opened the door without knocking and slammed it shut behind him. Victor who had sat on the bed with his head in his hands leapt to his feet.

"Yuuri, I-"

But Yuuri wouldn't allow him to speak another word. He grabbed Victor and shoved him roughly against a wall.

Then he turned Victor around so fast his head spun.

"shut the fuck up." He snarled in Victors ear.

Before Victor could open his mouth to explain his earlier actions his legs were kicked apart by Yuuri's strong thigh , and face pressed against the wall.

Yuuri made startlingly quick work, ripping off Victor shirt, and yanking his pants down so that his bare ass was forced back against Yuuri.

Victor hissed as Yuuri's fingers slid up inside of him, stretching him out. Victor submitted and pushed himself back against Yuuri's fingers.

"I'm going to fuck you Victor" Yuuri growled before he bit his neck. "this has been a long time coming…too fucking long."

He gasped uncomfortably as Yuuri slid another finger into his dry hole. It was uncomfortable, but his cock responded wanting more.

Yuuri hissed, yanking Victors head back by his hair, and shoved his fingers into Victors pink wet mouth. Victor responded by licking them for lubrication.

Again Yuuri shoved his finger deep within Victor who moaned out of pleasure.

"Don't you dare think for a moment I'm doing this for you." He hissed, spreading Victor farther apart. "this is all for me tonight- so you better fucking work that ass good for me!"

Victor nodded, and a moment later felt himself being filled up with Yuuri's thick cock.

It was painful in the best sort of way that made him hungry for more. He was poorly prepared, which Yuuri noticed and enjoyed.

"fucking Russian piece of shit!" Yuuri cursed before shoving his cock deeper into Victor "spread your goddamn ass for me!"

Victor had never before allowed anyone to penetrate him. The thought alone would have been unacceptable before, but as he was pounded harder and harder, he knew he could submit to anything Yuuri desired.

Yuuri reached around ,and grasped Victor firmly in his hand and stroked him until he nearly came. At the last moment Yuuri let go of Victor's cock. The Russian moaned and reached to touch himself, but found Yuuri had grabbed his wrists, holding them above his head.

"arch your back!" Yuuri commanded, smelling strongly of sweet scotch. "you don't het to cum- not tonight! Now move your ass on my cock before I make you suck it clean!"

Obediently Victor rolled himself against Yuuri in a circular motion, then in the opposite direction.

Yuuri hisses pleasurably then with one hand continued to hold Victors wrists above his head, and with the other grabbed a fist full of Victors silver hair. Yuuri yanked it back as he shoved his cock into Victor, exposing his long thin white neck.

Yuuri bit it again, his violent thrusts becoming harder and faster.

Victor couldn't help but cry out. It felt so good and painful. His cries rose as Yuuri pounded him against the wall relentlessly.

And then Yuuris fingernails dug into Victors ass as he cried out, cuming hard inside of Victor.

Victor loved the feel of Yuuri's bare chest against his back and the unfamiliar, yet welcoming cum dripping down his thighs.

If this was what angry sex felt like, Victor would welcome it anytime.

And damn did that boy know how to fuck.

.


	14. Chapter 14

Heart of Ice

Chapter 14

The room was warm. He was sore but more comfortable than he had been in ages.

Victor smiled, still asleep for the most part. He didn't want to move ever again.

The morning light pierced through the icy window, and lit the room in its golden glow.

Victor opened his eyes to find Yuuri's head on his chest. He looked down at the young man and kissed the top of his head.

He wished Yuuri could stay sleeping peacefully in his arms forever.

However, he knew when Yuuri woke he would have to face a difficult conversation.

The sex they had last night was mind blowing . Who knew Yuuri was capable of such a dominating sexual persona?

Never- the -less, it was angry sex, filled pain, power, and unadulterated possessiveness.

But mostly rage…

It wasn't exactly rape. He wanted it and enjoyed it just as much as Yuuri did. He didn't even feel as if he should be upset. Quite frankly Victor didn't think Yuuri had it in him to dominate ANYONE so passionately.

And to think….he ENJOYED being bottom!

What?...HOW did that even happen?!

No, Victor enjoyed being a dominate top. That would NEVER change…however, every now and then he would be more than willing to let Yuuri take control- if the young man desired to do so.

Victor would raise no objection.

Victor had felt the twinge of pain as he shifted in bed, and knew he would need a long hot bath before breakfast.

Damn was he sore!

A chuckle escaped Victors lips causing Yuuri to stir.

Victor bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself.

He looked down at Yuuri seriously now. He loved the man more than he knew how to articulate. And Yuuri had been through more than his fair share of pain.

It wasn't fair.

The bruises on Yuuri's naked body stood out vibrantly this morning. It would take another week at least before they faded.

He reached out to stroke a violent looking bruise on his torso when suddenly a tattooed hand clamped over his, gripping it tightly.

Victor looked down to meet Yuuri's blazing eyes.

"Yuuri-"

"Don't!" Yuuri cut him off as he jerked himself away from Victors warm embrace.

The moment of warm bliss was snatched away just as Victor began to enjoy it. He couldn't help but feel disappointed.

"We need to talk-"

"Like hell we do." Yuuri tore his hand through his hair as he searched the room for his pants.

"Yuuri, please!" Victor was on his feet now, holding out his hands to explain "I was wrong! Dammit! I was fucking wrong to yell at you-"

"I said I don't want to fucking hear it!" Yuuri shouted, grabbing his shirt "and as for last night- forget it ever happened!"

"No way in hell." Victor crossed his arms leaned against his doorway to block Yuuri from leaving. "You and I are having this conversation-NOW!"

"I won't listen to a damn thing you've got to say to me! Why should I? Its not a if you give me the same fucking courtesy!" Yuuri's hands shook his eyes blazing and bloodshot. He was panicking, the events of last night rearing its head.

"This has gone far enough!"

Victor spread his arms out blocking Yuuri from leaving, Yuuri shoved him hard but not hard enough to move him.

"Look, whatever you think is going on between us, just forget it! I was drunk out of my fucking mind." Yuuri shouted back, his pale cheeks reddening with anger "and as for your psycho brother? If I see him again, I'll fucking kill him!"

"I can assure you he won't be back. None of them will." Victor explained, trying to keep his voice even "I was wrong to yell accusingly at you. I just didn't know what to think- I panicked and I'm a fucking twit!"

"an utter fucking asshole-"

"a complete bastard-"

"silver haired bitch-"

Victor smirked and nodded "a Russian piece of shit, if you ask me."

Yuuri rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest. This was good. Victor had his attention.

But Yuuri didn't know what to say. He wanted to push Victor away, curse at him and scream horrible things at him….and yet he wanted to crawl back into bed and continue sleeping safely in his arms.

Suddenly he dropped his arms and sighed, avoiding Victors eyes.

"why are we doing this, Victor?" Yuuri didn't know what else to say, what more could he say after last night? "why do you still love me?"

"I told you why," Victor smiled despite Yuuri's stone frown "before I met you I was a selfish dying man. There was nothing precious to me and I loved nothing but myself…and then I found you and every moment after has been the happiest of my life. How could I not love you? Your passionate, caring, you feel so deeply that it hurts, and despite what you pay think…you're the purest person I know."

Yuuri threw back his head and laughed bitterly.

"Pure? God, are you that fucking blind?" Yuuri couldn't believe his ears "You think you've seen the worst of me thus far? Do you have any idea who I even am anymore?"

Yuuri turned away from Victor towards the frosted window to lean his head against the cold pane.

"a few weeks ago I was at a party. I was high ,and laying next to this guy. He started vomiting in his sleep and I just lay there watching him until he turned blue…I could've pushed him over. I could've cared enough to move his head just a few inches. But I didn't. I just lay there and watched him choke on his own vomit."

Yuuri let out a soft laugh, but didn't stop.

"one time after a client fucked e I drugged him just so I could call his wife to videochat her. I call her a dumb bitch for putting up with him then proceeded to suck his cock right into the camera. I could hear her baby crying in the background and her begging me to stop…."

"enough Yuuri-"

"why? Afraid I'll destroy the image of 'purity' you see in me?" Yuuri hissed "I haven't even scraped the tip of the iceberg. I could tell you stories that would make that silky hair curl."

Yuuri knew it was a hopeless wish. He wanted Victor to see him for who he really was: a foul, perverted bastard, a junkie with zero inhibitions, someone who was emotionally obstructed, and damaged beyond repair. It was the only way to save Victor from further pain. He couldn't function like a normal person, last night only further proved that much.

"I don't care about your past. I'm responsible for you now, and I'll be damned if I allow you to sacrifice yourself to your own demons any further!" Victor shouted. He wasn't angry, but the passion was there none the less. "You're mine. Now and forever, Yuuri. And you can hate me and lash out at me, but I promise you, I won't abandon you again. So stop trying to push me away!"

"Goddamn you!" Yuuri shouted back, and without conscious thought he crossed the room and threw himself into Victors arms. Their lips made contact urgently, Victors desire mirroring his.

"Goddamn you- I love you Victor!" Yuuri said angrily through his blurred vision "I love you!"

Not once breaking their embrace, Victor lifted Yuuri into his arms and carried him back to bed. He gently laid him down without taking his icy blue eyes away from the Yuuri's soft hazel ones.

"You can stop this anytime you want, Yuuri." Victor breathed into Yuuri's ear, but the young mans only response was pulling Victor down on top of him.

Victor's hands caressed Yuuri's face and neck as their kiss deepened.

He was amazed at how comfortable Yuuri was with his touch and how vulnerable he allowed himself to be with Victor.

However….

Victor slowly pulled away, looking down lovingly at the young Japanese man ,flushed with passion.

"Yuuri…I meant what I said." Victor breathed, smoothing his pale hand through Yuuri's black locks " I want to seduce you. I want to date you, and start over….so let me."

His words were soft and Yuuri could hardly speak. He didn't know what to say.

Victor continued to stroke Yuuri's hair, leaning down to kiss him tenderly, every so often.

"and what I meant by purity was true." Victor placed a finger over Yuuri's lips as he opened his mouth to speak.

"I don't mean what you've allowed to be done or have done. I mean in here," Victor pointed to Yuuri's heart then his head "your mind, your soul…they've never experienced true passion. Only a twisted perverted shadow of what it could be. You've never felt a touch you can enjoy…that's why there were so many others. That's why you submitted yourself to that monster. But not anymore, Yuuri. I can never undo the trauma that I inflicted on you, but I can try and prove my love for you everyday. I promise I will."

Slowly, hopefully Yuuri looked into Victors eyes. Those icy blue velvet eyes. He wanted desperately to believe him, and yet he was too afraid to think he deserved it.

"stop thinking." Victor said suddenly, smoothing Yuuri's furrowed brow "you'll get wrinkles if you think too much."

Yuuri snorted, turning away feom Victors caresses.

"I guess that's why your such an idiot." Yuuri smirked " and not a single wrinkle marring your face."

"you're damn right." Victor smirked back down at Yuuri.

They lay together until late afternoon in silence. Every now and then Victor would run his hand over Yuuri's thigh or kiss his temple.

And then Yuuri's stomach growled making both men chuckle.

"I suppose we should get up and get something to eat." Victor smiled rolling over onto his back.

" and you're sure your brother won't be back?" Yuuri asked nervously.

"Oh, I made sure of it." Victor smiled with a sinister gleam in his eye.

Yuuri wanted to pry further but instead nodded and sat up.

"So how the hell are you even related to that slimy faggot?" Yuuri sighed turning to sit on Victor's lap "and why does he have such a superiority complex?"

Victor sighed, wrapping his arms around Yuuri.

"I guess its because my father loved him the most, and doted on him." Victor shrugged " I didn't have much of a relationship with my brother. You see we have different mothers and my father was a bit of a womanizer."

"He said something about his mother being a mistress or something?" Yuuri was intrigued.

A painful expression passed over Victor's face as he nodded.

" my mother and father were still married when my father took another woman. My mother found out of this, but by that time Vitaly's had already been conceived. My mother sank into a deep depression and never came out of it….and then one day she didn't wake up. Overdosed on antidepressants. A month later my father married Yanka, Vitaly's mother."

This was the first time Yuuri felt as if he were seeing the real Victor Nikiforov.

As hard as Victor pushed himself into Yuuri's life, this moment was the first time he was allowed into Victors.

"my father loved Yanka more than anything, and when Vitaly was born he seemed to forget about me ,and my sisters. Yanka was sweet. I never hated her. But she and my father spoiled Vitaly rotten. He was sent to posh schools, given etiquette training, piano lessons, showered with all the privilege money could buy….when I last saw him I could tell he was developing into someone who looked down their noses at people, and demanded the attention of everyone. I just thought that this was how snotty eight year olds acted. I saw it as a phase that he would grow out of eventually. I see now that its only gotten worse."

"should've broke his jaw along with his nose." Yuuri sighed uncrossing his arms "so what happens now?"

"Now? Well, Vitaly will be cut off from the money that comes from the estate I control. He'll be in therapy if he wants to see so much as a penny. And I think Ill cut off funding for his drivers, housekeepers, his chief, and gardener- perhaps then he can learn to take care of himself." Victor finished, tapping a finger to his lips as if he forgot something.

"No, that's not what I meant. I mean what happens now…to us?" Yuuri rolled his eyes

"Oh" Victor blinked sheepishly " well I still stand by what I told you …I want us to date."

"looks more like a one night stand from where I'm sitting" Yuuri snorted, on Victors lap.

Victor shrugged "we obviously can't keep our hands off each other. Not that I'm complaining."

"well you should be!" Yuuri snapped "I was an asshole last night!"

"Again, not complaining. Besides I know how you get when you drink. I'm honestly still surprised you remember." Victor smirked

"how could I NOT remember my dick shoved up you-"

"Yes, neither can I." Victor smirked raising a hand to silence Yuuri "but I will say as nice as that was, I still like to be the dominant one."

Yuuri and Victor shared a chuckled before Yuuri let out a long sigh.

"you know Yurio will kill us if he finds out."

Victor snorted, falling back into the bed naked.

"not me! I was perfectly innocent this time until you barged in and took what little innocence I had left-"

"oh shut up!"

"I'll never be the same again! My precious flower has been defiled!"

"precious flower my ass!"

"I was but a blushing boy-"

"says the man who strapped me to a bed and banged the lights out of me!" Yuuri laughed

Victors eyes widened at Yuuri's light laughter. He didn't think he'd ever hear that laugh again. It had been so long.

It seemed to surprise Yuuri too who stopped to lift his fingers to cover his mouth.

Victor smiled at the innocent gesture, and wrapped his arms tighter around Yuuri.

"I love you, you know." Victor smiled.

Yuuri nodded but said nothing.

There was so many emotions running wild inside of him. He wanted to say so many things, but the words wouldn't come.

No, he wasn't ready to talk about those feelings just yet, much less acknowledge they existed.

That was a road he wouldn't be able to walk down for quite some time.

But Victor seemed to notice and seemed perfectly okay with that.

"Lets take a hot bath together and then get some breakfast." Victor suggested "the tub is big enough, don't worry!"

Yuuri rolled his eyes following behind Victor.

"its not a tub, it's a damn pool. Seriously, how much money do you actually have? Competitive skating doesn't pay that much-even with as many sponsor's as you have. This place is a little ridiculous."

Victor shrugged nonchalantly.

"Dunno exactly…somewhere in the hundred millions if you were to convert it into American dollars."

Yuuri stared wide eyed at Victor who filled the tub for what seemed like minuets, then lifted his foot to kick the Russian face first into the bubble bath.

"You spoiled little rich boy!" Yuuri followed behind, splashing in the warm water, intent on covering Victor with as many pink suds as he could.

Their laughter rang throughout the manor. And for the first time in ages Yuuri felt a weight lifted off of his chest.

Maybe this place wasn't so bad after all….

None of them noticed Victors phone buzzing and lighting up on the bed. Or the notifications and news alerts that began popping up back to back.

They didn't notice the vibrating phone calls from Chris ,Yurio, Yakov, or …..Ciao Ciao.

The phone stayed in a constant buzz until after an hour of Victor and Yuuri splashing and playing in the tub.

Their laughter echoed through the manor unaware of the horror that was taking place beyond their happy world.

.

The officer had just left Chris's apartment. He hadn't expected anyone to knock on his door, and had just settled in for the night.

He had made it back home safely and was about to chexk his Instagram when the there was a knock at his door.

An hour after they left Chris was still sitting in the middle of the room in silence.

He didn't want to believe ther words.

No…no this wasn't real.

He was having a nightmare.

And then he glanced down at the picture they had given him to identify.

Only then did the horror of what had happened rush over him.

Only then did he began to scream hysterically.

Chris dialed Victor number again and again. Still no answer.

He was on the floor rocking himself back and forth, heaving in desperate sobs.

This couldn't be happening….no please…. Someone pick up!

After twenty calls Chris cried out in frustration, throwing the phone across the room and crumpled in a heap on the floor.

He screamed and ripped at his golden hair until he thought his throat would tear from his screams.

Victor…Yuuri…..God, please pick up!

.

Yurio stared at the officer in front of him unable to speak.

Yurio was still clutching the photographs in his shaking hands.

They needed him to identify…..identify?

No…

His whole body seemed to go into shock, and his grandfather Nicholi could only grab his grandson from behind, covering his horror filled eyes with his callused hand.

"Don't look Yurochka!"His grandfather shouted into his grandsons ear. "Don't look at it my boy!"

But it was too late.

Yurio gasped ,and shook violently before going limp in his grandfathers arms.

His hand uncurled around the terrible photograph as if fell slowly to the ground.

It landed face up….

… with the mangled body of Phichit Chulanont twisted ,and butchered across the ice rink in Thailand.

His mouth, half of which was missing, was opened in a silent scream.

And carved into his forehead were two words.

…..'HEY SUGAR'.

.


	15. Chapter 15

.

Chapter 15

It was on every sports new networks, on mainstream media, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram- which was the worst.

Victor and Yuuri were met by the same law official that had met with Yurio earlier.

Chris, Yurio, Victor, and Yuuri had been the last ones to see Phichit alive.

So of course there was an investigation.

Just after landing in Thailand, Phitchit had been abducted, tortured for hours, and butchered beyond recognition.

Apparently he had lost nearly all his limbs before he actually died….there was still a piece of his jaw they couldn't find.

And then his remains were littered across his home rink like trash.

All four men reported that it was Alexander who had done it. But unfortunately his alibi was clean. He had been in American at a board meeting at the time. Over twenty board members witnessed on his behalf.

And that was it.

Alexander Lom-Crof was nothing more than your well to do businessman who gave to charities, ran a clean business, and was as good as they came.

Case closed on Alexander.

"Why couldn't you all have just left me alone?" Yuuri said in a low voice to Victor the night after.

"Because we care for you- I care for you!" Victor said crossing his arms around his chest, hugging himself.

The picture of Phitchit's mangled body had affected Victor quite severely as well.

"Phichit cared about you, and he had no regrets in doing so!"

Yuuri felt himself start to tremble. He backed up out of his reach until the back of his knees hit the sofa, breathing rapidly.

"His arms were torn out of their fucking sockets!" Yuuri sank into the sofa, his voice distant "he was butchered…and he was alive as it happened! Even I know he must have regretted ever meeting me…in the end. And so do I….I wish I hadn't met any of you."

There was a roaring in his ears that wouldn't go away.

"You should have let me fall." Yuuri said through his hands. He didn't see Victors response, but his lack of response told Yuuri that he was not expecting to hear that.

"Never" Victor whispered, his voice shaking with emotion "lyubov moya, never."

Yuuri sucked in a ragged breath into his arms, burying his head deeper into them.

His brain felt locked in gear and wouldn't slow down.

A tiny voice in his head of rationality told Yuuri it wasn't his fault, and to find comfort in Victor…

But it was so tiny that hie overwhelming grief triggered him into a dead silence he couldn't draw himself out of.

It had been over a month since Phitchits death.

His poor mother refused to have an open casket ,and instead had Phitchit cremated.

Yuuri went into a violent rage when he found out.

"She burned him! That bitch burned his body! Theres nothing left of him now, don't you see?! HES GONE!"

Yuuri had all but lost his mind when he saw the picture.

There was no funeral. Just a gold urn sitting alone in attic somewhere in Thailand

Meanwhile, Chris and Yurio had moved into Victor's lake house to be together.

They cried together ,and told funny stories about Phitchit, they shouted and fought each other until someone bled, but in the end they held one another tightly…always in tears.

Everyone except Yuuri.

Yuuri lay on his back staring into the canopy above his four poster bed.

He knew every inch of it by now.

He ate very little over the past few weeks. He lost a significant amount of weight and muscle mass. He just laid in bed all day, unmoving. He hadn't spoke to anyone since he had seen the picture if Phitchits body on the ice.

He refused everyone's company ,and slept day in and day out. When anyone tried pulling him out of his unresponsive stupor Yuuri would scream until his throat started bleeding, and he wouldn't stop until someone slapped him.

He was as good as catatonic to world and rationality.

At night Victor lay by his side cradling Yuuri and kissing his head.

Yuuri welcomed his constant presence, especially when the nightmares came, and they always did.

In one dream Phitchit glided gracefully across the ice. He flipped into the air and landed with ease.

Sounds of ghostly applause echoed through the dark empty arena.

Then Phitchit would stop and turn to Yuuri.

Blood poured from his mouth through the portion where a chunk of his jaw was missing.

His skin was yellow and pale green, and his eyes were milky and lopsided.

"Promise you'll watch my performance when I make it to worldssss" Phitchit's voice whispered without emotion

He took a long, thin rattling breath through his mutilated mouth.

"promisssse me Yuuri…. just like you did when we were in our dorm together. Remember Yuuri? Reeeeeememberrrr?..."

And then Phitchit screamed.

Yuuri would wake still hearing those screams only to realize it was his own.

Still, Victor was there to hold him through it, and kiss his temples. Victor rarely left him in those weeks.

"lyubov moya" he would whisper over and over again until Yuuri would calm down.

He couldn't understand what Victor said, but it calmed him none the less and he took comfort in those words.

In another dream Yuuri was in the room of mirrors again.

This time the mirrors were empty. His own reflection didn't reflect back. There was nothing but darkness behind the glass.

This frightened Yuuri more than anything.

There was nothing in the mirrors…

No anger, or fear, no happiness, or flaw. There was nothing.

He could hear a song playing…and yet it wasn't a song at all. The song was warped and wrong, so very wrong.

It should have been, 'Stay Close to Me'…but it wasn't.

He ran through the room, desperate to find an image in a mirror, but there was nothing.

And then movement caught his eye, but as he turned to meet it, a large hand shot out of the mirror.

The hand grabbed Yuuri and pulled him inside of the mirror.

It was Alexander, and he was grinning like monster.

"Hey Sugar!" he growled and pulled him into the darkness with him.

Yuuri didn't scream, but his body jerked awake much like it did when he dreamed of falling.

"I've got you, Yuuri. I've got you" came the smooth voice of comfort.

He grasped the Russians arms that held him from behind and tried to calm himself down.

His heart was hammering through his ribcage as Yuuri tried to keep his grip on reality.

"He killed Phitchit," Yuuri whispered in a hard cold voice "and hes going to get away with it."

Victor held Yuuri tighter to his chest.

"He won't Yuuri. I'll make sure he pays for what he's done….and I'll keep you safe, lyubov moya" he promised, whispering quietly in Yuuri's ear.

Yuuri knew that Alexander himself hadn't done the deed with his own hands, but he also knew he had connections.

Alexander had connections everywhere and it was only a matter of time until he caught up with Yuuri.

How many more of his friends would suffer before Alexander found Yuuri?

With his money and connections Alexander had found Phitchit and tore him apart without so much as lifting a finger.

And that only days after he had left him.

He would find Yuuri eventually.

…but not before making him suffer. Phitchit was only the beginning.

Yuuri's gaze caught the hamster key chain on his bedside table. The worn little thing Phichit had given him, his last gift.

"My mom gave this to me before my first competition. She said it would bring me luck and it would take away my fears." Phichit had said to Yuuri

"I took away his luck," Yuuri half laughed half sobbed, sounding quite out of his mine.

And perhaps he was.

Victor didn't understand, but he didn't need to. He knew Phichit had given Yuuri a gift the last time they saw him, and how important the moment was for him.

"He remembered the frozen strawberry lemonade…he remembered such an insignificant thing about me. I myself forgot." Yuuri said, pressing his aching eyes into the pillow.

"What a stupid thing to remember….such a stupid thing." Yuuri cried, his fist tightening around the bedclothes. "he had stupid dreams! He didn't even want the gold! What a stupid son of a bitch! He just wanted to spread his love of skating across Thailand! He wanted to open an ice show! That's all he wanted! That's….t-that's all he ever wanted…to show his people the beauty the ice could give."

Yuuri wished he could stop crying, but his body wouldn't let him. He shook so hard it almost made the week he had withdrawn from the drugs look like fun.

He was clean of the drugs now, and could think and feel clearer than he had in ages.

The pain was all consuming and he wished he could make it all go away again with a single pill.

But that would be shaming Phitchit's memory. He had to feel the pain….he HAD to let his anger take over him.

That was the answer.

Slowly he pulled himself from Victors arms and sat up.

Then like a light had gone on behind Yuuri's eyes he froze.

His hazel eyes widened and suddenly he was on his feet.

"Yuuri?" Victor called in a worried tone "Yuuri, what is it? Whats wrong?"

Yuuri didn't answer him. He couldn't. If Victor knew the thoughts that began taking over Yuuri's mind he would surely try and stop him.

Instead Yuuri turned to Victor, who was now sitting up in bed and shook his head. He looked away, unclenching his fists.

"Nothing…its nothing." Yuuri whispered in a thin voice "I was just lost in a thought…I'm going to shower now."

Victor perked up at Yuuri taking an interest in grooming himself.

Over the past few weeks he had to force feed Yuuri and give him baths, and dress him. He had been in such a state of shock that nothing would move the young man.

It scared the hell out of Victor seeing him like this. So the offer to give himself a bath was music to Victors ears!

Perhaps Yuuri was slowly coming back to life!

"would you like me to help you-"

"no" Yuuri cut him off as he made to pull some fresh clothes from his wardrobe. " I can manage….but I'm….kinda hungry."

Victor was on his feet walking towards the bedroom door.

"I'll prepare something while you bathe!" Victor said

Yuuri didn't bother to answer. He turned on his heel and entered the bathroom, shutting it behind him.

Slowly he stripped, tossing his pajamas on the floor. He stood naked before the floor length mirror, staring hard at his reflection.

He had gotten thin. He would have to eat, and build up his muscle mass again. Victor could help him.

His face was parlor and dark circles were stained beneath his eyes.

God, he looked like shit.

He found a cabinet to the left with combs, a blow dryer, perfumes, and a pair of silver scissors he took the sharp scissors, spinning the handle around his finger.

Yes, he felt so controlled by his own rage that he appeared almost calm.

Alexander would find him. He would have his friends killed: Yurio and Chris….he would kill Victor too.

That thought alone was enough to drive him over the edge.

If he didn't find Alexander first….

No.

He had to find the man. There was no other option.

Yuuri stood before the mirror with a calm collection he hadn't felt in a long time. His shock was slowly wearing off, and was replaced with hatred and detachment from right and wrong.

His lack of conscience should have disturbed him, but it didn't.

His thoughts took a heinous turn as he grabbed a comb with one hand and began cutting his long hair with the other.

In the end he choose a messy quiff style which was slightly longer at the top so a few stands hung over his eye. He somehow managed to look tampered, yet disheveled in a 'morning sex' type way.

Unlike his messy, choppy haircut he had when Yuuri first met Victor, this one was more wild yet controlled.

In total he cut about 15 inches off, yet still managed to look slightly feminine. There was no getting around his soft features and delicate body type.

In the end he took a bath all by himself, for the first time in weeks, dressed himself in his custom form fitting black leathers and boots, and stood before the mirror again.

His eyes still held a hollow far away look, his cheeks were still slightly sunken, and he was as pale as ever….

However, there was a manic glimmer behind his eye, and a tight expression of control that he had lacked before.

He stood straighter ,more confident in the path he had to take alone.

There was no other path before him.

It was the last bit of innocence he had left, and was more than ready to sacrifice it.

It would take some planning and time, but he would make sure Alexander understood who he had crossed.

Unlike his dream where the reflections of himself were missing, he found a new one in front of him now.

This one didn't cry, or dance, or beg for a pill like the pathetic husk he had once been…this reflection was hard.

This reflection was the one who killed.

Images of the middle age blond filtered through his mind, tunneling his vision.

Alexander….

"Oh sugar," Yuuri whispered staring at his egregious reflection "I'm going to kill you…very, very soon."

.


	16. Chapter 16

Heart of Ice

Chapter 16

Yurio, and Chris sat across from one another playing a game of chess at the kitchen table. Chris smiled taking Yurio's bishop, leaving his black king unprotected on the left.

Yurios brow was furrowed, but he didn't lash put like he usually did.

There was something that changed in Yurio's personality. It was more somber and less angry than it had been before…

Before that awful picture.

Victor was finishing the tray of breakfast he had made up for Yuuri with pride. He even added a small vase of water with a rose in it. His orange juice was in a wine glass with a slice of orange sitting on its rim.

He made a chive frittata, with a side of Canadian bacon, and potato pancakes. He finished spreading butter over two pieces of wheat toasts ,and smiled down at his work.

He was thrilled that Yuuri had an appetite. He had lost so much weight within a month, and it frightened Victor to see Yuuri look so frail.

None of them noticed Yuuri leaning against the frame of the doorway, watching their domestic antics.

He was quiet ,watching Chris throttle Yurio at chess, capturing his queen.

Checkmate.

Yurio hissed leaning back in his seat in defeat. His blue eyes roamed over the room, landing and widening when they found Yuuri watching him.

Noticing Yurio's surprised expression, Chris turned. His mouth fell open like a gaping fish.

Victor was the last to lay eyes on the transformed young man before him. He held the tray of breakfast in both hands, which froze as he turned to meet the Japanese man.

Yuuri had cut his hair in the most romantic, disheveled style. A few strands of black hair fell over his hard hazel eyes. He wore his form fitting leather black pants, lace up boots, and a black finely tailored jacket with leather gloves hanging out of his pockets.

Those clothes…..

He stood leaning against the door for a moment before he blinked, cocking his head to the side.

"I want you all to train me." Yuuri said shortly, with none of the frailty it held the previous weeks "train me on the ice again."

A loud clatter and the sound of broken cutlery rang through the kitchen as Victors grip on the platter slipped.

The contents of the beautiful breakfast spilled across the floor, but no one gave it a second glance, except Yuuri.

Victor's hands were still positioned in the air as if he were still holding the platter. Yuuri stepped into the kitchen looking down at the ruined breakfast and sighed.

He bent to pick up a slice of toast and rose to take a bite out of it.

"Hungry." He mumbled chewing slowly.

Yuuri swallowed and took another bite of his toast, as he tossed himself down on one of the Victorian armchairs, draped one leg over the arm, and leaning his head on the elbow of his other.

He didn't meet their silent gaze, but instead stared outside the frosty windows. The lake was frozen solid.

"Well?" Yuuri asked in between bites "will you or won't you?"

Unsurprising, Yurio was the first to open his big fat mouth.

"Tck! Its about damn time," Yurio growled flicking his king piece over in defeat.

Chris nodded, throwing Yuuri the most seductive smile he could…however, his smile didn't quite reach his eyes which were dull. He lacked a certain sparkle behind his large blue eyes, that would never fully come back.

It was at this time that Victor stepped over the ruined breakfast, having snapped out of his shock.

He smiled pleasantly down at Yuuri, and shook a long white finger in his face.

"Yuuri, starting today WE are your coach," Victor smiled all the more pleasantly "However, if you think for a moment you're stepping one skate onto that ice before you've put on some weight you're sorely mistaken!"

There was the old Victor he knew.

Chris sorted behind his hand, turning away to hide his amusement. Yurio cracked a genuine smile. He leaned his chair back so the two front legs were lifted off of the ground.

"Not quite a piggy anymore" Yurio said, cocking his eyebrow "from piggy to twiggy. And you still look like shit- but I'm gonna fatten you up whether you like it or not."

Yurio slammed the chair back down and stood, making his way towards the refrigerator.

"Its katsudon piroshkis, and complex carbs until your scrawny ass builds up!" Yurio snapped pulling sliced pork from one of the drawers. "and no more skipping meals or sleeping in! And the next time you go more than a day without a shower, I'll drown you in my used bath water!"

Chris turned back slightly more composed , resting his chin on his hand.

"we need to start from the bottom, then after the basics we can work to create a high-difficult program" he said, giving Yuuri a mischievous wink "its going to take lots of hard work and pain, but if you can seduce us on the ice, you can do anything off it. That's my motto"

"Tck!" Yurio hissed between his teeth, from the open fridge.

"So Yuuri?" Victor asked in a quieter, more serious voice "tell us what you really want?"

Yuuri stared at Victor for a long time before shutting his eyes and releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I want to eat katsudon with all of you" he said quietly, much like he had almost two years ago "I don't know how long all of you will stick around or how long my body will hold up, after everything I've done to it…but I want to be strong again! I need to be!"

There was desperation and anger in his tone.

"Two years ago I wanted to skate because I loved it. Then it changed into something else. Victor was the one thing I wanted to hold onto and I skated to satisfy him…I knew I was the only one who could," Yuuri said, his voice turning cold "but now…..now it's a strength I need if I'm to survive. I won't allow myself to become weak again. I won't sink so low as to try and kill myself. Survival is the only thing that matters, and protecting those I love."

"you were never weak, Yuuri" Victor said, taking a seat "just lost."

"Regardless," Yuuri stood before the three men before kneeling in front them.

He sat on his knees with his head bowed.

Then slowly he lowered his hands to the ground and bowed so low that his forehead touched the cold marble floor in traditional dogeza.

The three men were shocked at such a display. Even in Japan, an act like this would rarely be seen. But they understood its significance.

There was such humility and sincerity in Yuuris prostrate form, and his words as he spoke.

"Please become my coaches, and forgive me….forgive me for the pain I caused." Yuuri still bowed before them until Yurio approached him, kneeling in front of him.

The blonde Russian pulled Yuuri up, only to find a pair of hard hazel eyes filled with unshed tears.

"You didn't do anything" Yurio said in a quiet voice , giving the thin Japanese man a shake "so theres nothing to forgive."

Yuuri looked up to see Yurio also holding back tears. He was shocked to see such a reaction from the hard teen, but said nothing to correct him.

Before he could form another thought, Yurio pulled himself up, smacking the side of Yuuri's head as he did so.

"Just fucking eat." He snapped, reverting back to himself "or I'll kick your scrawny little ass."

The kitchen roared with much needed laughter. And soon all four men sat down together and ate large bowls of pork katsudon.

Had Phitchit been there with the men, there was no doubt his laughter would have been the loudest of them all.

In a way its like he still was.

.

Yuuri was up by 4am every day. He ate his fill of complex carbs, whole grains, vegetables, and trained harder than he had in his life.

"we'll add another three pound weight to your ankles." Chris said tightening the velcro around Yuuri's ankles.

"Hes already running with the ten pound weight on each ankle. Three more may be too much, we don't want to push him harder than necessary." Victor said thoughtfully with a finger to his chin.

"well lets take it up one pound a day" Yurio said, stretching himself into a split "thirteen pounds will be his goal for the end of the week with a total of nine kilometers a day. Now get down here with me Katsudon! You look stiff as hell! "

Yuuri focused on controlling his breathing as he ran around the lake. It had been over a weak and he still found his stamina lacking, regardless of what Victor, Chris, and Yurio thought.

His muscles were screaming, but Yuuri just pushed himself harder. He had destroyed his body, and now he had to start from the bottom.

Yuuri was able to push his limits, even when the others urged him to slow down. His hatred ,and inclination to cause pain, motivated him better than anything else could.

When his rage became too much, Yuuri would blank out. He heard nothing but the roaring in his ears and saw nothing but images of Alexander filter through his head.

The others looked at Yuuri with such pride that he was thriving to live, and become stronger.

Yuuri wanted to scream at them.

'Stop looking at me like that!.….I'm not a good person. I'm depraved, possessive, violent, and without a shed of mercy.' Yuuri thought savagely 'I'm going to do something terrible ,and theres no one who can stop me. None of you can do a damn thing to stop me!'

"Another kilometer and we can break for lunch!" Victor panted through his knitted face mask to protect himself from the dry icy air.

During lunch Yuuri ran through a list of Alexander's private haunts. He owned quite a few underground sex clubs, and of course there was the drug money he laundered through his hotels.

Unfortunately for Alexander , the middle aged man was a creature of habit. He had a type A personality; competitive, aggressive, structured ambitious. In other words, he was predictable.

Yuuri thought on this as he took a moment to spear his steamed broccoli with his knife. He took a bite off the end savoring the flavor, unaware of the worried glances he was receiving from the three men eating with him.

"Yuuri?"

Alexander's bank account number was—

"Yuuri.."

He spent every third weekend a month with his family in Missouri. The address was—

"YUURI!"

Yuuri's head snapped up, he hadn't noticed how tight his expression had become, nor did he hear his name being called.

"Huh?"

Victor narrowed his eyes, lifting Yuuri's chin up to meet his ,with one long white finger.

"No more training today. You seem distracted," Victor ordered, caressing Yuuri's jaw with his thumb. "Yurio will help stretch you out, then a shower and some relaxation."

Yuuri nodded, then turned to pull himself away from Victors touch to finish his meal.

"Or better yet, come into town with me so I can buy you a new wardrobe!" Victor clapped excitedly "Those clothes disgust me, and I promised to take you shopping!"

Well fuck you too" Yuuri cursed, stabbing another broccoli with his knife "I happen to like black leather!"

"You look like a gutter punk." Yurio snorted, shoveling another spoonful of potatoes into his mouth

"I dunno," Chris shrugged with a smirk "I like the slutty look on him!"

"its not like I bought any of these clothes, you know." Yuuri snapped " but they're all I have, what do you want me to do about it?"

"Take them off?" Victor smiled fiendishly. "I wouldn't mind at all."

Yurio glared across the table at Victor, who leaned towards Yuuri, resting his chin on his hand.

"Old pervert!" the blond Russian accused, throwing one of his potatoes at Victor, who ducked beneath the table, with a laugh, just in time "keep your hands off the pig, or I'll kick your sorry ass!"

Chris and Yuuri shared a laugh over the Russians who began arguing in English which soon gave away to Russian, until both were incomprehensiblely shouting and making exaggerated hand gestures.

"Neit!" Yurio shouted grabbing Yuuri by his upper arm to pull him out of the dinning room "and to make sure, I'll be sleeping with him until you get a hold of you damn cock, and start thinking with your head!"

Yuuri's head snapped up at that "wait, whu-?"

"Lets go!" Yurio dragged Yuuri from the dinning room, towards the stairs, cursing in Russian as he stomped.

"Honestly, I don't know what you see in that geezer! You need to kick him in the balls if he tries making a move!" Yurio demanded as they reached the top of the stairs "he doesn't know when to back off, and he thinks its fucking cute!"

"but it is cute-"

"Shut it pig!" Yurio yelled, clamping his hands over his ears "theres nothing cute about him! Ugh! He pisses me off!"

Yuuri laughed at Yurios antics as he was shoved none too gently into his room, followed by a red face Russian punk.

Later that night after both young men were washed up and dressed for bed, did Yuuri realize how tiring his training had made him.

He was beyond exhausted and could hardly keep his eyes open.

Yurio had slipped into bed next to him, texting someone every few minuets. At last the blond Russian put down his phone and sighed.

Yuuri quietly observed Yurio's furrowed brow, and troubled expression. Every now and then a flash of emotion would cross his baby face, and it seemed as if Yurio was on the verge of tears.

After a few minuets, Yuuri glanced over again.

Yurio was still staring at his phone, worrying his lower lip pink. His eyes seemed distant, like he was in deep thought about something.

"What you thinking about?" Yuuri asked, finally, giving Yurio a gentle nudge with his knee.

Yurio glanced up, breaking his thought. He still chewed his lower lip , obviously anxious about something.

"Nothing." He shook his head, burying himself beneath the covers.

Yuuri yanked them down so his face peeked over in annoyance.

"I said its nothing- so leave it alone pigglet!" Yurio said with snark "mind your own business!"

"nope." Yuuri smiled, giving Yurio a poke on the shoulder "Just tell me."

"go to hell." He said without much venom. "just go to sleep."

"if you won't tell me I'm going to tell you every dirty thing Victor and I have ever done!" Yuuri threatened with a dark smile "every detail!"

Yurios eyes widened in horror, sitting up on his side, propped up on his elbow.

"You wouldn't!"

"So I had him pinned against the wall of his room, and yanked down his pants so his back arched and his pert bare ass-"

"FINE!" Yurio cried, slapping his hand on the mattress "just shut the hell up!"

"okay." Yuuuri grinned like a hungry wolf "spill!"

Yurio was quiet for a moment, tugging on his lower lip. He seemed embarrassed about something.

"Its stupid." He began, falling over on his back "but I've been….seeing someone for the past year. Sorta"

"you? Dating?"

"shut up! I'm not dating anyone…not really. I mean…" Yurio struggled to find the right words "I thought we were just friends. We hung out and had lots of fun together. We've been friends for about two years now. That's all I thought it was."

"So whats her name?" Yuuri smiled at the boys lack of aggression. He was exposing himself, and looked so vulnerable.

"His name…" Yurio corrected

Yuuri sat with his mouth hung open in shock. That Yurio was dating ANYONE was a shock. But to hear him admit it was a boy, made the story all the more intriguing.

"Its Chris isn't it?!" Yuuri gasped dramatically, covering his mouth with his hand.

"WHAT?" the blond Russian snapped lividly, sitting up "No fucking way I would ever date that Swiss Miss! God, I have higher standards than that Katsudon!"

"Sorry, it was a joke" Yuuri smiled as Yurio flopped back down "So this guy. Whats his name?"

Yurio shut his eyes and sighed.

"Its Otabek Altin, the Kazakhstan skater" Yurio said quietly.

"Otabek? Oh, I remember him now. Hes the one who won bronze a few years back. The one who has that emotionless face-"

Yurio hissed moving himself closer to Yuuri , on the bed, kicking him in the shin hard.

" hes not emotionless! Hes just an introvert!" Yurio said narrowing his eyes " and besides, I like his stoic nature. Its nice to be around someone who doesn't act like a grinning idiot."

"okay, okay!" Yuuri winced, holding his shin "I get it, you like the strong silent type. Its not like I have any right to judge. I haven't had much of a love life…so whats the problem? You looked like something was wrong."

Yurio sighed, worrying his lip again

"Well. At first I didn't think we were dating or anything, like I said. I mean we held hands, but that was something we did when we were alone. It wasn't a big deal. I liked holding his hand" Yurio shrugged, looking away.

Yuuri's heart clenched at the blond Russian's innocence, he smiled and nodded for Yurio to continue.

"So then a few months ago he kisses me. He did it in public, and it wasn't a peck either!" Yurio blushed at his confession "I mean it was deep, and in the middle of the theme park we were at. Then he takes my hand and leads me behind his rollercoaster ride….he pushed me against one of the metal pillars and just kisses me the whole time! I didn't even know what to do!"

"did you like it?" Yuuri asked with a smile.

Yurio shrugged, picking at his fingers to distract himself.

"I dunno, I guess..yeah."

"so whats the problem?" Yuuri pressed quietly, hoping the blond wouldn't clam up.

"I don't know okay? I mean…I don't know anything about this kinda…stuff!" he bristled, slapping the bed in frustration "I liked him kissing me, but I didn't even know what to do! How do I kiss him if I don't even know what to do! And now he says hes going to visit Russia, and he wants us to be together. I'm just freaking out, okay? God, I sound like an idiot!"

"No you don't, Yurio." Yuuri said sincerely "you sound like someone in the beginning of an exciting relationship. But let him know to slow down if you're not ready for doing other…stuff."

"that's just it!" Yurio said sitting up again " I WANT to do other stuff! But I'm too freaked out to look online at videos, or read stuff like that. What if he kisses me again and thinks I don't like him because I'm frozen like a rock? What if he wants to …to do it?"

"woah, okay slow down." Yuuri held up his hands "first off you need to talk to him. Let him know whats going on, just like you did with me. If you both want to have sex, then theres nothing wrong with that! The first few times might be awkward, but that's normal. The important thing is that you guys care about each other, and trust each other….everything else will come later. And if you need help with what lube to use ,or what size dilators you can start off with, I can help you figure that out."

"Oh good God, my ears are gonna bleed!" Yurio sighed, shaking his head.

They lay in a comfortable silence for a few minuets before Yuuri rolled over ,and sat up to face the blond Russian.

His face brightened with a mischievous glint.

"So what if I could help you?" Yuuri asked seriously, earning a confused look from Yurio " What if I could help you with your kissing problem?"

Yurio's jaw fell open in shock, his blue eyes wide and unblinking.

"You've lost your mind pig." Yurio breathed, swallowing hard.

"oh shut up! Its not like it'll mean anything, and I can teach you how to do it without eating his face off!" Yuuri snorted "I can show you how to relax and ease into it slowly. Its just a matter of learning how to respond and timing. It'll be easy."

"So…you want to teach me how to kiss?" Yurio asked still in shock.

"I want to teach you how to let go." Yuuri corrected with a small reassuring smile. "just pretend I'm a robot or a dummy to practice on!"

"no need to stretch my imagination there" Yurio said, flicking Yuuri's forehead.

"Just trust me okay?" Yuuri sighed.

Yurio sat for a moment, chewing his lower lip before he nodded.

"Okay."

"okay?"

"I said okay, didn't I?!"

Yuuri smiled, nodding his head.

"okay, then lay back." Yuuri commanded with a snap of his fingers, motioning towards the bed.

Yurio hesitated for a moment before slowly lowering himself back onto the pillows.

His hands were tight and shaking slightly.

"When you're with Otabek, look into his eyes ,and no where else. Look into my eyes, Yurio." Yuuri said In a breathy whisper "imagine how much you want him, can you do that?"

Yurio looked into Yuuris eyes and began to relax, his trembling stopped and his body began to relieve of tension.

Yuuri straddled himself over Yurio, pressing his hips against the blonds, receiving a surprised gasp of arousal.

"Yes, let go. Just like that. Imagine Otabek overpowering you- dominating your senses" Yuuri whispered, leaning over the panting Russian to breath into his ear "imagine his cock against you, just like this-"

Yuuri began to grind against Yurio gently, but enough to evoke a soft yelp in response to him.

He could feel the Russian's heart pounding wildly against his chest and smiled.

Yuuri traced the Russians cheek with the tip of his nose till he reached the boys mouth.

"Start off slow and sweet." Yuuri instructed in a voice heavy with passion "gently brush your lips together in a kiss like this"

The sensation was soft like two petals brushing against one another. It was innocent and tender. There was nothing rushed about the kiss, and was as light as a whisper.

Yuuri pulled away just enough to speak, although their noses were still touching.

"But now you've given Otabek a taste, and he's become hungry for more" Yuuri smiled, feeling Yurios member stiffen against his "now he'll want something deeper, would you like something deeper too, Yurio?"

In a drunken haze of passion, Yurio nodded lazily.

"Then part your lips slightly, and loosen them. Make the muscles in your mouth fully submit to him." Yuuri instructed softly.

Yurio obeyed his command and yielding himself completely.

Yuuri slowly kissed Yurio again, easing his mouth open little by little with each kiss.

His lips submitted and allowed for Yuuri's tongue to trace the inside of the Russians lips. He was carful to flick his tongue against the other playfully, and made quick work deepening the kiss.

Soon both young men were in a passionate embrace, grinding against one another with hot desire.

Yurio had his arms around Yuuri's neck, and legs wrapped round so that his ankles crossed one another.

Then after what seemed like an hour of kissing and grinding, Yurio let out a sweet noise and shuddered against Yuuri in pleasure.

Yuuri smiled down at his friend, knowing he had reached completion.

With their clothes still on they lay tangled in each others embrace, both boys smiling and comfortable.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to take it that far" Yuuri said, although pleased with the situation.

Yurio snorted, giving Yuuri a playful nudge.

"Well I just came in my pants against you, so I guess that makes us even" he laughed quietly, closing his eyes. "So much for being a robot dummy, huh?"

"Nah, I'm still a dummy." Yuuri teased, brushing back Yurio's blond hair.

"Mhn," Yurio nodded with a small smile "thanks pig."

His voice was heavy and sleepy and after another moment the blond Russian kitten was sound asleep against him.

Yuuri smiled, he could almost hear the young man purring against him.

Of course Yurio would give him hell tomorrow for what happened, probably even threaten him if he ever spoke about what happened.

Regardless, Yuuri was happy to help…very happy.

It was enough to see Yurio happy. He wanted all of them to go on to live full and happy lives. Seeing how Yurio blushed when he talked about Otabek made Yuuri realize how much there was to fight for.

And that's why he had to train himself harder than before. His friends would always be in danger if he didn't act soon, and Yuuri could only hope he could save them all before it was too late.

He held Yurio, his dear friend, tighter to his chest.

He had to become a monster to save the ones he loved. And he would destroy Alexander no matter what he had to endure. His life was nothing without the ones he loved.

What better reason was there to fight, if not for love?

He loved Yurio and Chris….and Victor, who he loved more than he was able to confess.

Yes, he would love Victor and only Victor until the day he died.

With that, the thought of killing didn't seem so bad.

But he knew it was, deep down Yuuri knew the monster would have to become.

It was only a matter of time.

.


	17. Chapter 17

Heart of Ice

Chapter 17

Yuuri took the liberty of ordering all of his clothes online, rather than waste a day of training to shop.

The idea of shopping with Victor was a tempting one. The last time they shopped together, Yuuri had bought the matching gold rings. They stood before the cathedral in Barcelona as a choral choir sang a beautiful hymn on the stone steps.

It had been one of the best nights of his life.

Yuuri splayed his hand out before him, admiring the glint of his finger in the light.

He couldn't help but smile at the memory of Phichit shouting out his congratulations on his and Victors marriage.

He remembered how his applause gave away to everyone following his lead. The look on Yurio's face was priceless.

And then Victor said they were engagement bands, that they were waiting for Yuuri to win the gold before they got married.

Of course being in Russia, any notion of such a thing was out of the question.

Yuuri turned back to Victors laptop and continued to order insulated boots, pants, coats, as well as a few dress shirts and slacks.

As he placed his order, Yuuri also used this opportunity to order a long blond wig with gentle curls, a pair of black pumps with a five inch heel, and a form fitting blood red dress with a slit on the right side. He ordered foundation, lipsticks, mascara, eyeliner, concealer, green contact lenses, and a contouring pallet with brushes. Lastly he had imitation breast padding , and a lace bra placed in his order as well.

He remembered a few years back an Italian skater calling him a 'closet girl'.

Yuuri smiled at the memory. Well, I best use my assets to my advantage, now shouldn't I? He thought before adding a pair of thigh high nylons and garters to his order.

Minako had taught him a long time ago how to dance, walk, and uphold himself like a woman. It was second nature to him, and being a former professional skater meant that his movements were always graceful and fluid, even if he didn't intend to be.

The items would be mixed up with his other clothes so they wouldn't draw any attention upon delivery.

Yuuri smirked to himself, quite satisfied with the outfit he had chosen.

Yes, it was perfect…..and who knows maybe he would find the look more appealing than his leathers?

A knock came on Yuuri's door, then cracked open revealing Victor, who mouthed—

"Is Yurio here?"

Yuuri rolled his eyes and motioned for Victor to enter.

"No, but if he were you'd be in trouble for teasing him the other day." Yuuri commented as he snapped the laptop shut.

The night after Yuuri and Yurio had their 'lesson' on kissing, Victor crept into their room the next morning to find both boys tangled in each others arms.

Apparently it had been hilariously amusing, and Victor couldn't help but laugh at them.

Yurio awoke with a shock, realizing their compromising position, he toppled off the bed and hit the floor hard.

Victor laughed even harder, and was chased all around the lake manor in their pajamas

They really were innocent, Yuuri thought as he placed the laptop aside.

"Whats up?" he asked swinging his feet off the bed.

"We're going on a date tonight!" Victor announced, his icy blue eyes wide with excitement.

Yuuri smiled. Inside his heart was breaking. Victor was so full of life and passion, everything was brighter when he was around. And all Yuuri could think of was his own future.

He accepted his fate, which sadly didn't include walking off into the sunset hand in hand with Victor.

And yet with the limited amount of time left to him, Yuuri forced himself to conceal his anguish.

He smiled brightly.

"I can't wait!" he said happily.

Victor plopped down next to Yuuri, gazing at the boy with a look of pure happiness.

"Brilliant!" Victor exclaimed, with a clap of his hands "we're going to travel to the city tonight, the Russian Ballet is going to be preforming! Roberto Bolle will be preforming in 'Excelsior', its actually quite exciting! Then I have reservations at a little restaurant, and after we're going dancing! Theres a club not to far from the restaurant and I figure we both could do for a little evening of risqué frivolity!"

"You just want to get me drunk and naked, don't you?" Yuuri snorted, but was actually excited about going on a proper date for the first time in his life.

"No, I want to get ME drunk and naked- you have no idea how overdue this is!"

"Considering the first time we were properly introduced, you were naked in a steamy hot spring, I have slightly more than an idea." Yuuri laughed, wishing he could turn back the hands of time to that moment and start all over again.

.

That night Victor dressed himself in a pale blue suit. Sharply cut classic, pale blue suit, tailored with experimental details that looked quite Russian. He wore a Depara Zigzag scarf, which was luxurious and extra long. His shoes were a soft brown leather which had prints of various Russian Christian icons all over them. His hair was combed back and styled in a way Yuuri had never seen before.

It was all very posh, and Yuuri couldn't help but drink in every detail. He looked like someone who just walked off the Milan catwalk.

Victor was naturally quite masculine looking, and lean, yet there was an avant garde respect in his dress that reflected his culture and art.

Yuuri was dressed more androgynous than usual. He wore a pair of black form fitting pants with a silky thin , open fringe poncho sweater that reached his knees. Underneath he chose a sheer long sleeve shirt. As per usual he laced up his knee high boots and paired the look with a black leather strap choker.

To say Victor had approved of his attire was an understatement. The man had to restrain himself from burying his face in the crook of Yuuris neck, at the sight of Yuuri's long neck and soft clavicles.

Not t mention all the training Yuuri had dedicated to was paying off. Perhaps in a day or so he would finally allow Yuuri on the ice again.

His sickly appearance was long gone, which blossomed into a well sculpted shape that looked more feminine than before, but also stronger.

Victor tool Yuuri's ring clad hand in his own, grabbed their coats and fur hats, and walked out of the lake manor and into the crisp Russian air.

In the towncar, Victor and Yuuri had a glass of wine as they made their way through the countryside and into the city.

Yuuri forgot how beautiful the view was. Russia was truly a wondrous place. No wonder civilizations desired to conquer it in the past, it really was a motherland to behold. And yet this land also was as deadly, and all those fool enough to try and rape her were always crushed with her powerful ice. What an enigma, indeed.

"What are you thinking about?" Victor asked quietly, his breath smelling of sweet wine.

Yuuri leaned into him and rested his back against Victors chest. Outside the sky began to change into shades of pink orange and purple. The evening was fast approaching.

"I was just thinking about how happy I am at this moment." Yuuri said, tracing his lower lip in deep thought " and yet... at the same time I deserved everything that's ever happened to me. I just want to stay in this moment with you so badly, because I know if I died I would definitely go to hell."

"I'd come after you." Victor said seriously, his brushing Yuuri's ear "I swear I would."

Yuuri laughed quietly, turning his head to capture Victor's lips.

"I know you would." Yuuri smiled, kissing Victor again. "but then again if you were in hell with me, I don't think I'd mind it at all."

Whether it was the wine, or Yuuri's inability to keep his emotions in check he kissed Victor harder, wishing this moment could last forever.

"Thank you for coming back for me….I never thought I could actually ever feel this way again." He said in a broken whisper, squeezing Victors white hand tightly.

He could feel Victor shaking his head as he squeezed Yuuri's hand back "Thank you for forgiving me for being such a fool. I swear I'll make up for all the pain I've caused you for the rest of my life."

Yuuri sighed not wanting his mind to drift. "I'm done with our past. It doesn't matter. What matters is what we make of the present. This moment isn't so bad, I'd like to make more of them ,in fact."

"me too." Victor smiled into the crook of Yuuri's neck.

The ballet was stunning. Roberto Bolle's slave dance was intoxicating, and Yuuri could see Victor thought so as well just from sliding his hand in between the mans legs.

Dinner was perfect. Victor pulled the doors open for Yuuri as they entered the most extravagant restaurant he had ever seen.

"it looks like a small castel!" Yuuri exclaimed as there feet echoed against the stone steps of the lobby, which was draped in deep reds and gold tapestries and icons.

"that's exactly right, this was once a palace of a lord, which the family converted into restaurant. The upkeep must have been unbelievably expensive. Using it for profit instead of living in it is actually pretty smart."

Victor pulled out Yuuri's chair, then proceeded to take the bottle of wine from the waiter, in black tails, and pour a glass for Yuuri and himself.

They raised it towards one another and drank deeply.

"I have something for you." Victor smiled, patting his lips with the lace napkin beside his plate.

"I already feel like I'm being spoiled. I don't think I could handle anything else." Yuuri shook his head but still looked rather excited.

Perhaps there was still a child left inside of him after all.

"whether you like it or not, Yuuri" Victor smiled as he pulled out a long black velvet box from his inner jacket pocket. "I'm going to make sure you are treated like a prince. And since we are in a palace, after all, it is only right that I come bearing you tribute!"

Yuuri blushed furiously, feeling undue awareness of himself and what Victor possibly saw in him. Self conscious didn't seem to cover it.

Victor presented the open box to Yuuri who gasped at the sight of the gold metal….

It was his gold metal.

"How did you-?"

"you agreed." Victor said quietly, with a quiver in his voice "you agreed to marry me once you won the gold."

Yuuri held the heavy box in his hands , unable to tear his eyes away from it.

"I know we're starting over. And I still want to take things slow….but I also know I want to marry you more than anything in the world." Victor sighed, reaching to grasp Yuuri's hand. "So please, tell me….will you marry me still, when you're ready?"

Yuuri took the metal out of the box and dangled it with shaking hands in front of himself by the ribbon.

He was speechless. He hadn't actually ever seen the metal, and feeling the weight of it made it all the more real.

He had been a champion.

Victor reached from where Yuuri dandled the metal in front of himself, and picked up the gold plate.

Slowly, without breaking eye contact he brought the gold to his lips and kissed it.

A lump had formed in Yuuri's throat that made it nearly impossible for him to speak, but he did.

"You're the only one in this world I would ever want to marry." Yuuri said through an unexpected sob "lets….lets find a church now. Lets get married right now ,Victor. I don't want to wait until its too late! Lets get married tonight!"

Victors breath caught in his throat. He hadn't expected such a passionate reaction out of Yuuri.

His heart wanted to burst out of his chest. He wanted to leap onto the tables and proclaim his love for Yuuri.

How was it possible to feel this happy?

And then suddenly his smile began to fade from his face. Victor blinked and let out a sigh. He shook his head, then looked back up into Yuuri's expecting eyes.

"unfortunately this great land has quite a way to go before we can actually walk hand in hand in a courthouse. My beloved Russia is ruled by men who believe homosexuality to be a mental illness. People are ,quite often, attacked on the streets by law enforcement. And there are no laws which prevent discrimination against us…but Yuuri," Victor whispered, squeezing the young mans delicate hands "I would march to the nearest courthouse with you in my arms, if I could."

"you WILL marry me, Victor." Yuuri demanded, squeezing his tighter "You want to make me happy? Then you'll find a way. I don't fucking care what you have to do, or where we have to go. Make. It. Happen. I won the gold, now its your turn to keep your promises!"

"I will." Victor vowed, bringing Yuuri's hand to his lips to kiss. "I swear I will."

They ate, holding each others hand over the table, as if daring anyone to challenge them.

An orchestra played on one of the balconies as other ladies an gentlemen rose from their tables to waltz with one another.

Yuuri admired the women in their long evening gowns and the men in fine suits and tails.

He seemed to be in the middle of a story which was not his own, but it was.

They were buzzed when they left and completely satisfied with their dinner.

Victor even lead Yuuri into a slow seductive dance to a violin piece. And because both men were naturals when it came to dancing, it was no wonder that the women and even men looked upon them enviously.

They were beautiful, chic, and moved their bodies with such fluidly motions that all eyes were captivated by the pair.

"I think its time we leave this atmosphere for another," Victor said seductively, lowering his hand down the mans back. "Somewhere we can find hard music and even harder alcohol."

Yuuri pulled away to beam at Victor.

"Lets go. Now." Yuuri demanded, practicality dragging Victor out the door.

The pulse of the nightclub was intoxicating.

Lights flashed and the music vibrated so loudly it almost hurt, but Yuuri loved it.

He was reminded of the life he had lived, hopping from club to club to find clients, and cheap drugs.

Now, as he rocked himself against Victor, he felt nothing but pure lust and love intermingled. He was intoxicated by it.

Victor leaned his sweaty forehead against Yuuri's ,as they danced among the scantily clad youths, and breathed in his scent.

God, how he wished he could marry the young man right now. It was moments like this that he truly hated how conservative and backwards his own country was!

Yuuri belonged with him, forever by his side…

And yet even as he danced with the young man, spinning him around in his arms, Victor felt as if Yuuri was keeping something dark inside of him. A secret of some sort that he refused to confess, even as drunk as they were.

He could see a sadness that he couldn't place, but knew he had to be on edge whatever the cost.

Yuuri was keeping something very important from Victor…but what was it, and why did he have to hide it?

Yuuri had been hurt far worse than anyone should ever be. He had suffered a great deal because of Victor, and it ate at him everyday.

He felt he could never be redeemed, and yet he would give up everything to try!

Yuuri swayed his body, wrapping his arms around himself, slowly bringing them up over his head, which was thrown back.

Yuuri danced like magic, turning and turning to the music as of he himself had created it.

His lips parted, and drowsy hazel eyes locked onto Victor with a wild passion that made Victors heart skip a beat.

Yuuri fell into Victors arms. He offered his lips, he offered his body, as if he did not care what Victor did to him- and Victor was so tempted to rip off Yuuri's shirt and run his fingers over the young mans skin, which had the resilience and perfection of a baby's…

Minus the tattoos which coveted much of his skin.

All of Yuuri engrossed him, the lovely skin, his slender graceful arms, the beautiful face like a painted angel.

He was such a creature.

He couldn't lose him! He would rather die that lose Yuuri again!

Never again.

It was nearly five in the morning before they arrived back at the manor: exhausted and sated.

Both men leaned against one another as they walked into the foyer and up the steps towards the second floor.

Both men entered Victors spacious room and headed towards the shower to wash the dry sweat and stench of liquor from their body's.

Victor, as tired as he was, washed Yuuri lovingly taking in every inch of the young man.

"Tell me," Victor said quietly over the gentle pouring of water "what are you keeping from me, Yuuri?"

Yuuri didn't answer him. Instead he leaned his cheek against Victors chest and sighed blissfully.

" I don't want this night to end." He mumbled, ignoring, Victors question.

Victor sighed, turning off the water. They finished washing, dried themselves, and slipped into comfortable pajama pants and white cotton shirts.

The sky was still dark and filled with stars outside his window, as he sat on the seal and leaned his head against the icy pane.

"Everyday I'm with you seems so unreal." Victor said quietly "I keep imagining Ill wake up and you'll be gone. One moment your hot, the next tour cold, and then there are times I get a glimpse of the old you. I wonder sometimes which is the real you…"

Yuuri came to sit on the other wnd of the window seal, facing Victor with his knees raised to his chin.

"I'm still me, and yet I'm not. Just like the sky is never quite the same shade of blue from one day to the next." Yuuri said quietly looking up at the starry sky from out the window. "Fucking hell…I need you Victor ,in every way. I try and keep all my darkness away from you because the truth of it is, I need your light. But you don't need my darkness, which is why I won't give it to you…ever."

Victor could feel tears prickling his eyes, whether it was emotion coming from his drunken state or his feeling he had kept bottled in…he didn't quite know.

"I want it. If you suffer, I also want to suffer. If you die, so will I!" Victor shouted, grabbing Yuuri by his shoulders roughly "don't leave me in the dark. I don't know what you're planning, but please don't leave me behind. I won't fucking allow it!"

Before Yuuri could protest he scooped the boy into his arms and crushed him with a deep kiss. It was a savage kiss that made Yuuri cry out in both pain and pleasure.

Victor could feel his member hardening against Yuuri's, which only sparked him to rip off the young mans cotton shirt and throw it on the floor.

He pulled at Yuuri's hair back, exposing his delicate neck, and raked his tongue across it , causing Yuuri to moan and writher against him.

Yuuri's reaction, although intoxicating, snapped Victor out of his lust filled enchantment.

"Yuuri," he breathed, shaking his head "I want to do this properly. You're worth the world to me, and I'll be damned if I ever make you feel less than the prince you are. I love you, Yuuri Katsuki, and I WILL make you see your worth! Just please…please tell me."

Yuuri slumped against Victor, his member still painfully hard against him, and shook his head.

"please….Victor please, just touch me again." Yuuri pleaded, clutching Victors suit jacket in his fists. "Don't make me think of anything else but you. I only want you!"

Victor shuddered at Yuuri's pleas, it took everything to hold back his dominate side that begged Victor to take the boy on his knees.

"we don't have to go all the way, just love me…please." Yuuri begged, looking strait into Victors blue eyes, conveying all his emotions into one smoldering look.

Once Yuuri uttered that single statement, Victor knew couldn't deny Yuuri anything. He threw caution to the wind, unable to deny himself either.

In one fluid movement, Victor lifted Yuuri into his arms and deposited him gently onto his bed.

He straddled the young man and grinded against him gently.

Yuuri withered beneath him, arching his back at his gentle touches. He took Yuuri's lips in a desperate, hard, claiming kiss which was sure to bruise them both in the morning.

Yuuri's legs came around to wrap around Victor, grinding against the Russian hard. To see Victor in the throws of passion because of him was something that made Yuuri want to fly to the moon and back over.

It was Victor who noticed how frantic and possessive Yuuri's kisses were. It was almost as if Yuuri thought Victor might somehow slip away at any moment. A part of him feared over such claiming passion, and another part took it with much gusto.

He still wanted to know what secret Yuuri was keeping from him, and yet in the end all that mattered was that Yuuri was with him. He would make damn sure that never changed.

After a night of making desperately passionate love, over and over again, the two lay facing each other.

They studied each others expressions, and stared deeply into each others eyes for what seemed like ages.

Something flickered behind Yuuri's eyes that made his heart lurch in fear.

In response he clutched Yuuri to his chest possessively, wanting to keep him safe from the horrors of this world, yet unable to do so.

"I won't let you sacrifice yourself," Victor whispered, which sounded like more of a plea "I don't know what your fighting, but your not alone. Depend on me Yuuri…I told you before….I won't let you sacrifice yourself anymore, Yuuri- do you hear? Never again."

Victor placed his fingers under Yuuri's chin , drawing him nearer to capture his lips.

The kisses they had shared before were amazing, but nothing made Yuuri feel like this one had. He could believe, even if it was just for a moment, that we was safe and nothing bad would ever happen to him again.

Coupled with the sound of Victors voice- did anyone in this world have a voice as singularity sexy as Victor Nikiforov's? He couldn't help but surrender to the moment of utter peace he felt. Something which up until now was nothing but a hopeless fantasy.

Yuuri smiled as tears rolled down his cheeks and into Victors chest. He wished life had been different for him. He wished he could allow Victor to protect him, but it was impossible.

Alexander was out for blood, and he knew the man well enough to know he wouldn't stop this massacre until he had Yuuri in his clutches- never mind the bodies that piled up on the way.

There was no other path to take, but the devils path.

Still, Yuuri sighed and pretended for a moment life wasn't so cruel. He smiled through his tears and relaxed enough to fall asleep in Victors arms…. Even if it was for one last time.


	18. Chapter 18

Heart of Ice

Chapter 18

Yuuri was suppose to have had his first session on the ice that day.

He was suppose to step onto the ice and skate until his calves and thighs burned with wonderful pain.

He was suppose to join the others and allow them to guide him back to where he truly belonged.

However, it was not to be.

In the dead of night Yuuri packed his clothes and other essentials he would need.

His body was running on auto drive as he swiped one of Victors credit cards, quietly promising to replace all funds he borrowed. He felt dirty doing something so deceiving towards Victor.

Of course he knew they would never be married. Other night, when he had demanded they marry, it had been more of a hopeless dream, a dream that begged to be heard.

He had to bear his soul , and give Victor the last sweetness he was able to give anyone. It was his one last gift.

He thought of Chris and Yuuri, laughing in the kitchen and playing chess into the wee hours of the morning.

He thought of all the meals they shared together, and the close-sometimes sexual tension between all of them.

It was like having a family again…a quite dysfunctional and unpredictable one.

Yuuri stood above Victor's sleeping form, wishing he could rouse the man and demand to be held one last time.

Alas ,Yuuri shook his head.

Carefully he leaned over the bed, without touching it and planted a soft kiss against Victors silver hair.

"bluer than velvet were his eyes" Yuuri breathed in a ghostly whisper, turning to walk out of the bedroom and carefully shut the door behind him.

He walked through the manor like a bodyless spirit, descending the stairs taking two at a time.

He glided quickly past the foyer, and out the door to face the cold Russian air.

His taxi was just pulling up, ,and as per his request had its headlights dimmed.

"Where to?" the driver asked in Russian

Yuuri didn't understand, but he didn't have to. He knew the Russian word for airport and slid into the back seat with his bag and coat.

They began making their way down the stone driveway, and it took everything Yuuri had to keep himself from looking back.

A single tear rolled down his cheek, as he masked his pain with a stoic expression.

He would protect the ones he loved, no matter what the cost.

But goddamn , did it fucking hurt.

He wanted a future too! He wanted to grow old with Victor ,and get fat eating Katsudon. He wanted to skate! He wanted to live!

It wasn't fucking fair!

And even if he did come out alive…. There was no way he would ever be the same again.

Stop it, Yuuri thought roughly wiping away his tear, if you don't do this the same thing that happened to Phitchit will happen again.

Only I can end this, he thought grimly, but with a conviction that wouldn't be shook.

The others wouldn't wake up for another four hours at least, and by the time they discovered that he had left, it would be too late.

Yuuri would already be on a plane back to America. There would be nothing anyone would be able to do.

.

Chris yawned as he stumbled down stairs, clad in nothing but a pair of tight red shorts.

He had always admired how good JJ looked when he wore his after competitions in the locker rooms, it was a good look.

Everyone still seemed to be asleep, which was fine by him. He was always an early riser.

When Phichit had been alive, they always enjoyed talking with one another as the sun broke through the horizon.

He missed the boy…

"look! the sun is rising, Chris!" Phichit had said at finals one year.

They had both decided to sit by the pool on the rooftop of their hotel to watch the spectacle.

"Did you know the sun is 109 times as wide as the earth?" Phitchit asked, bouncing on his heels "its also composed of all sorts of colors, but we can only perceive it as being almost white to our eyes. Makes you feel kinda important."

"and Vhy is that?" Chris had asked, as he put on his shades

"because we're sorta like mini suns ourselves. We have so many beautiful things that make us special in our own way. Sometimes we can't see it ,or don't know it, but its there. Most of the time we think 'hey, theres nothing special about me, I don't matter to anyone, what good am I?', but in fact we end up being someone else's sun, full of vibrant colors, and warmth. Don't you feel important, Chris? I think you're very important."

Chris thought on Phitchit's words as leaned against the window facing the front driveway.

The sun was already peeking over the tops of the trees, bathing the ground in bright light.

Yes, he missed Phitchit with all of his heart. However, he understood that the people we love, who have passed, do not remain buried in the ground- or in an urn hidden in an attic- but rather within our own hearts.

Chris felt Phichit was with him still.

Chris stood at the window for a moment before something caught his eye.

There were fresh tracks in the snow, leading from the front door to the middle of the driveway.

For a moment he thought perhaps Yuuri had woken up to start his training extra early. It wasn't unusual for the young man to come back from a run just as everyone was waking up.

As Chris was about to turn to make himself another cup of coffee, he noticed the single pair of tracks stopping near what could only be tire marks.

He stared at the tracks for a moment before walking out of the house without his coat and bare feet.

He walked faster and faster until be was running down the driveway, coming to a halt at the tire tracks.

Someone had left a few hours ago, the snow hadn't yet covered the tracks well enough for him to believe otherwise.

Dread filled his thoughts as he hurried back to the manor.

He didn't notice how cold his feet were as he raced through the foyer, up the stairs and slide to a halt outside Victors room.

Slowly and quietly he peeked inside. Victor was sprawled out on his Alaskan king size bed, sound asleep.

He shut the door, then turned facing Yuuri's door.

He hesitated.

Wasn't he being too paranoid?

His mind shouted 'no!', and with that thought he opened Yuuri's door only to find the young mans bed neatly made, and his wardrobe wide open….and empty.

Even the keychain Phitchit had given Yuuri, which always sat at his bedside table was missing.

Chris stood in the doorway unable to process what he was seeing.

But it was undeniable.

Yuuri was gone…again.

.

Yuuri pulled a couple thousand dollars off of Victors card, at a random atm , then had his driver drive in the opposite direction for a few miles before heading to the airport.

He lit himself a long black cigarette, popping it into his mouth, and inhaled the delicious taste.

With his other hand, Yuuri began to dial a number he hadn't saved but knew by heart.

He listened to the dial tone connecting him long distance.

"Ayo!" the chipper female voice sang through phone.

"Jinx? Its me Yuuri." Yuuri said, taking another drag.

"Oh wow! Hey I haven't heard from you in ages, baby! Whats shakin?" Jinx asked, pausing for a moment when a male voice called her name in the background. "Hold up Joey, I'm talkin to a friend- Sorry Yuuri, so whats up?"

"I needed to ask if you're still a member at Temple of Flesh?" Yuuri asked, flicking his cigarette in an ashtray next to his elbow.

"The bdsm fet club? Yeah, were going to have our yearly fetish ball in a few days, actually! I'll be doing a bondage exhibition this time around, and fire dancing! I haven't seen you in months- please say you'll come!"

Yuuri chuckled at the young girls enthusiasm, but sobered as he focused again.

"I'd like that." Yuuri said quietly "but I need to ask you something in confidence. You can't tell a soul you spoke to me either, okay?"

"No prob, my lips are sealed!" Jinx swore "so what it it?"

"Has Alexander stopped by? He usually visits the third Friday a month."

Jinx paused thinking " Alexander….Alexander, Alexander….hum…oh! You mean that tall blond guy? Drives a black Lamborghini? Looks kinda like my dad?"

Yuuri took another long drag from his cigarette, his fist clutching his phone tightly against his ear.

"yes." Yuuri hissed shortly.

"Oh yeah, he still comes. He likes the dungeon girls quite a bit. Sometimes he goes home with them. Why you ask?"

"never mind that, I just needed to be sure he hadn't broken his routine yet." Yuuri said quietly.

His eyes flashed towards his duffle bag containing his newly bought clothes.

…all of them.

"well, let me know when you're up for a visit! You've always helped me out of tight situations, next time you're in town I'll treat you to some bomb italian food!" Jinx laughed, ignoring the male voice calling her name.

"Okay Jinx, I'll see you around. I missed you too."

"See ya babe!"

Click.

Yuuri turned off his location on his phone and shut the whole thing off . He couldn't risk Victor or the others finding him.

Things were already in motion, and the last thing he wanted was any of his friends involved.

As he reached the airport, Yuuri tipped his driver and pulled his coat around himself. He buried his face in the fur lining and made his way towards baggage check.

The last time he was at an airport waiting to take off, Phitchit had been alive.

He took his phone out of his pocket and opened his Instagram account. His last picture was from before his last competition.

In it Victor knelt to lace his slates as he smiled down at him.

Lacing a skaters skates was a big deal. No one other than the skater did such things, because no one but the skater knew how tight or lose to tie them.

Even the slightest discomfort in the shoes could make or break a performance….

And yet Victor knew Yuuri so well that lacing his skates was something of a pregame ritual for them.

Yuuri smiled at the old post.

He had been so sheltered from unpleasant realities, and difficulties back then. He missed how things had been.

In truth Yuuri forgave Victor a long time ago. Deep down he knew everything he had done with his life was his own fault.

People were abandoned all the time, and still came out victorious.

Not Yuuri. He hadn't allowed himself anything but crippling depression that lead him into a life of drugs, prostitution, and a relationship that ending up destroying even more of the things he loved.

At the end of the day there is only you, and your reflection. The choices you make are your own, and nothing anyone says ,or does changes that fact.

Once he boarded his plane, he was happy to see he had a whole row to himself. Within thirty minuets they were in the air and ten minuets after that the seatbelt sign flickered off.

Immediately Yuuri rose and closed himself inside of the cramped bathroom at the back of the plane.

He opened his phone and dialed another unnamed number.

It only rang twice before a timid pretty voice answered the phone. The voice was like a coo of a dove, and in the background Yuuri could hear a childs voice.

"is that daddy?"

"shhh sweetheart, mommy is on the phone- hello?" came the timid voice.

"Hellen, I'm sorry for calling you out of the blue like this. This is Hellen, is it not?" Yuuri asked, picking at the lose string on his pants.

Surprisingly ,he wasn't nervous- or at least not as nervous as he thought he should have been ,speaking with Alexanders wife…

"It is, how can I help you?" Hellen asked after a pause.

"My name is Yuuri…I was your husbands lover." Yuuri said gently to the woman.

There was a pause that seemed to last ages.

"I know who you are to Alexander. Why are you calling me" she asked curiously, without a trace of anger or sadness in her voice.

But Yuuri already knew how Alexander treated his wife, so her reaction came as no surprise. He almost wish it did.

"I know he's hurt you, badly." Yuuri said sympathetically "I know what he's done and who he is. I know that he's forcing you to stay in your marriage against your will…and I know he's using your daughter as collateral. And I know you want to be as free as I do, I can help."

There was a pregnant pause for what seemed like ages. For a moment, Yuuri wondered whether Hellen had hung up on him. Then came a soft muffled sob, as if she were trying to hold her mouth with her hand.

"He's probably hurt you worst of all, Hellen…I'm so sorry." Yuuri whispered into the phone, wishing he could give the woman more comfort.

"I can't leave… he'll find me, you have no idea the people he knows- hes a monster!" she cried bitterly "If your smart you'll stay in hiding. Alexander is still trying to hunt you down- I hear him on the phone when he visits. God, I hate it when he comes! I hate him!"

"I know Hellen, I hate him too…more than you know—"

"I DO KNOW!" she practically screamed, overcome with hysteria "he recorded it! He had his hit guard kill that boy! I…I saw him watching it- he made me watch it with him! Do you understand what I'm saying!? HE MADE ME WATCH!"

Yuuri felt as if he'd been punched. He was blinded by fury and hate.

The bastard recorded Phitchit being tortured to death. He watched it for his own sick twisted amusement.

Whatever reservations he had had fled him faster than a bat out of hell.

"I'm going to make him pay…" Yuuri's cold voice hardened, almost frighteningly so "its going to happen very soon Hellen. I'm going to save us, all of us. But I won't do it until I've destroyed him completely. He needs to know what fear means. I'm going to take everything from him…and I've got the means to do it. I just need you to trust me. Can you do that Hellen?"

"I'm afraid." She cried, but managed to lower her voice.

"Where is your daughter, is she okay?"

"she went outside to play on her swing…I don't let her see me like this." She sniffed, finally getting her breathing under control. She wanted to be strong for her daughter, and Yuuri was in awe of her strength as a mother.

"I don't want you to be afraid, Hellen. But I want you to follow my directions, do you understand?" Yuuri asked seriously " I need to know I can trust you."

" Yes, just please help me and my daughter- please!"

Yuuri sighed.

"Alright. What I want you to do is pack a big purse full of only the essentials. Your daughter can carry a backpack full of hers: shot records, birth certificate, school records, ect. Pack your passports, and all identification you have-okay?"

"okay."

"I want you to meet me at Los Angeles International Airport at 12:15 pm tomorrow. I'll have two first class tickets for you. Around that time I want you to tell all of your friends and family you're going on a vacation with your daughter. Tell them you'll be visiting a hot springs in Japan. Leave a note for Alexander saying that you'll be gone for a few weeks, and add something like -'please remember to pick up some groceries', or 'call the houseman for some house repairs' , or even 'I'll miss you, don't work too hard, see you when you get back, lets go to out for dinner when we get back home'" Yuuri suggested "just make it believable."

"a hot springs?"

"Yes, it belongs to my family. They'll take care of you. Speaking of which," Yuuri smirked "I'll be making an account to transfer funds into yours. It shouldn't take us long, and theres a bank at the airport so it shouldn't be a problem."

"funds?" Hellen asked skeptically "what funds?"

"I spent a lot of time with Alex. I know his habits, his enemies, his interests and obsessions. A little thing like his account number to his main personal account wasn't exactly hard to come by. He's a cocky, overconfident, carless bastard."

"mmh" Hellen agreed

"Trust me, Hellen. Before the week is out, everyone will know what kind of evil son of a bitch he is. And by that time it'll be too late."

.

Yuuri spent another five minuets on the phone with Hellen going over small details.

He wasn't going to leave her penniless, and he certainly wasn't going to give Alexander the satisfaction of hurting anymore innocent people.

Yuuri made his way back to his seat and sighed. He rested his elbows on his knees bowing his head. It was strange not having long hair to curtain his expression.

Yuuri bit his lips, clutching his phone between his hands tightly.

He would make this call as quickly as he could, then shut off his phone for the remainder of his flight.

He dialed a number he knew by heart, and waited…

Ring

Ring

Ri—

"Hello?"

Yuuri breathed into the phone, tears springing to his eyes, blinding him.

He shuttered and took another breath to calm himself.

"Hello? Anyone there?"

Yuuri squeezes his eyes shut letting the tears fall onto his knees, then opened them slowly

"…mom?"

.

Victor was on the phone with the detective who helped him find Yuuri in the first place.

He'd been able to tell Victor where Yuuri spent most of his time, and with who. He learned that Yuuri had sold himself at risqué clubs, was an addict, and who his acquaintances were, which eventually lead him to Yuuri that fateful night.

Victor knew there was something Yuuri was keeping from him, and he knew it must have something to do with Alexander Lom-Crof.

Everything terrible did.

Not that he believed for a moment that Yuuri would go back to that monster… but rather he was more worried that Yuuri would try to take justice into his own hands.

So much about Yuuri had changed. He was unpredictable, prone to violence when threatened, yet his heart was still as fragile as ice.

That never changed with skaters, no matter how long you've been off the ice.

And if Victor knew one thing about Yuuri, it was how guilty he felt over Phichit.

He was going to sacrifice himself, and Victor would be damned if he would let that happen.

"I know he took you're card, but he only withdrew once. However, I can tap into their security grid, and review the cameras to see which way he was headed." Anton, Victor's agent, explained " the airport system will be a tad harder to enter, but give me a few hours….and a few thousand more and I can cut that time in half."

Victor growled, pulling his hair in frustration.

"Just do it, I'm transferring the money now!" Victor snapped.

"Great, also I'm guessing he really doesn't want to be found." Anton commented.

" and why do you say that?" Victor asked the man in annoyance.

"Because he took the battery out his phone, and when he puts it back in its not for long. I can't get any sort of trace on the number when he's using it under five minuets before taking the battery out again."

Victor rubbed his face with his free hand in annoyance.

Meanwhile Yurio was typing away on Yuuri's laptop pulling up his search history.

"why the fuck did he buy a pair of heels?" Yurio asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. "and a dress? He fucking bought an entire makeup set?...what the hell is this? Oh…wait! Hey geezer!"

Victor glared at Yurio, still on the phone with his detective agent.

"He bought his tickets online- he's going to LA." Yurio shouted over his shoulder at Victor.

Chris came through the kitchen at that moment shaking his head.

"he's left nothing telling behind, his bedroom is empty except for most of his old clothes" Chris explained.

He leaned over Yurio's shoulder eyeing the heels with a cocked eyebrow.

"Size 11? Vell at least he has good taste." Chris mutter "whatever he needs these for one things for certain."

"Whats that?" Yurio asked

Victor moved to stand next to Chris so he too could see the screen.

Chris leaned over Yurio, taking a closer look at the items purchased.

"vhatever he needs all of this for, buying a form fitting red dress and a pair of pumps like that will definitely help him attract the attention of anyone he vants…. His legs in that short dress and those nylons? That's an outfit no man can resist. He vants to be seen."

Victor nodded, but couldn't figure any of it out. What was Yuuri planning?

"Hello? Anton, I'm not sure about this ,but keep an eye out for anyone wearing a tight red dress, black pumps, and long blond hair." Victor said through his cell "we think he may be headed to LA."

"Los Angeles?...man, that means trying to crack into the Americans security." Anton laughed in disbelief "Do you have any fucking idea how bad of an idea that is? Those fucking Americans already think we fucked with their goddamn election! Putin and that fuck-head Trump are already at odds with one another! Yeah, let me just paint a huge fucking sign on me that says I' DID IT'!"

"Anton"

"I mean, I'm not saying I actually did- or know of anyone who did, but this is serious shit! God, you really are an unbelievable bastard for even suggesting-"

"Anton"

"A Russian break into an AMERICAN AIRLINE SECURITY GRID!-"

"ANTON!" Victor shouted through the phone, making his agent on the other line snap out of his rant.

"Break into it and find Yuuri. I'll transfer three hundred thousand dollars now, and another three hundred thousand when you find him!" Victor shouted, refusing to take no for an answer "and just to show you how serious I am-"

Victor took his phone and opened his account through his app, transferring all three hundred thousand into Anton's account.

"holy shit." Anton whispered on the other end "well, I guess I'm about to tap into the Americans system. Call you back in thirty minuets."

Yurio and Chris looked at Victor as if he was insane.

"did you just transfer $300,000 dollars into the account of some jackass?" Yurio asked incredulously "with the push of a button?"

"He just did that." Chris nodded in awe.

Ignoring their comments, Victor turned on his heel, intent on getting to his room as fast as he could.

"Vhere are you going?" Chris asked following him out of the room and up the stairs.

"I'm going to get him, obviously." Victor said angrily, shoving his phone into his pocket "and don't you dare try and stop me!"

"Lom-Crof vill kill you if he finds you." Chris said seriously, grabbing Victor by his elbow "if he doesn't have your limbs ripped off first."

Victor yanked his arm away.

"I'm going after Yuuri!" He said firmly ,in a voice louder than necessary "I don't care what it takes. I love him! I don't care about anything else, but Yuuri! I never have! My life is nothing without him- and I'll be damned if that evil bastard touches one hair on Yuuri's head!"

Chris nodded, flashing Victor a small smile "Good. Then bring him back safe, or I'll throw you on the ice, and skate over your neck vith my blades."

.

When Yuuri landed he was beyond jet lagged. He found a small mom and pop inn that took cash instead of card payment. He paid for his stay then traveled back to the airport to wait for Hellen.

The conversation with his mom had been painful. She couldn't stop crying and begged him to come back home, which he promised he would.

However, he was uncertain he would ever see her or Japan ever again.

Lastly, he asked her to look after Hellen and her daughter when they arrived, not bothering to explain anything regarding them, only that they were his friends.

It was around 11:40pm in LA, when Yuuri spotted a small blond woman clutching the tiny hand of her daughter who looked around the airport I wonder and awe.

Hellen seemed quite nervous and she held onto her bag and daughter.

When Alex spoke to his wife, or rather yelled, through the phone he always called her fat or ugly…

Rather this woman was a beauty queen. There was no other word for it. Her skin ,her shape, her long blond hair- there was nothing plain about this woman. She was stunning, and Yuuri couldn't understand any man who would abuse or be unfaithful to such a nymph.

He preferred men, to be sure, but even he questioned his sexuality at just glancing at the woman.

Her daughter was just as beautiful, and reminded Yuuri of a tiny angel.

When Yuuri approached her, she jumped pulling her daughter closer to her side.

"Hellen?" Yuuri asked as gently as he could, as if trying to calm an injured animal.

"Y-yes, I'm Hellen. You're Yuuri I'm guessing?" she muttered timidly.

Yuuri smiled warmly at the woman, he could only imagine what hell she must have lived through. Her body language suggested she anticipated being attacked at any moment, and so did her beautiful eyes.

"I don't want you to worry about anything Hellen." Yuuri said in the most reassuringly strong tone he could "I want you to enjoy your time at the hot springs. No one will try finding you there, and my family is waiting for both of you."

"I did everything you told me to." She said adjusting her bag on her shoulder.

Yuuri seeing her discomfort, took her bag ,and her other hand in his.

"I'm sorry Hellen. I'm so sorry if I ever hurt you…and I'm sorry you've had to bear everything in silence." Yuuri said quietly "I have a thousand dollars I'll put in your bag, just in case. You won't need it while you're with my family, they'll take care of everything. And by the end of this week we'll be free. Do you trust me Hellen?"

Hellen looked stronger after hearing Yuuri's words and nodded.

Hellen was the perfect name for such a beauty. Hellen of Troy couldn't have been more lovely.

Then she looked into Yuuris eyes with a long hard stare, lowering her voice so that her daughter was unable to hear her.

"His main body guard did it to that boy, the one with the bald head and face tattoo. He's the one who killed him." Hellen breathed as if she'd been running a marathon "Yuuri, kill him. Please kill him…I can't bear it anymore!"

Hellen withdrew her hand and shoved it deep into her purse, before pulling out a usb drive and thrusting it into Yuuri's hand.

"He had everything stored as a backup on this. The video of that Thai boy, videos and pictures of other people he's hurt, emails containing threats and blackmailing, and private documents from his bookkeeper which prove embezzlement. Its all there. Do what you can with them."

Yuuri could hardly believe his ears. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, indeed.

"And Yuuri?" Hellen whispered, shaking her long blond locks "pain isn't an evil. I've survived this long believing that…but that doesn't mean you allow it to continue when you can do something to stop it. So Stop Alexander, and continue to pursue a life worth living through the pain you've experienced. I feel so weak right now that I can hardly stand it, but my daughter has taught me to learn from pain and not to become consumed by it."

By this time Yuuri wanted to shut his ears. He needed his hate and anger. He needed it now more than ever because it was the only thing keeping him going. And It would be the only thing that helped him kill.

"Thank you for this," Yuuri said in a hard voice, placing the usb drive inside of his dufflebag. "Now lets get you both on that plane."

Hellen smiled for the first time, and it was stunning. There was hope in her eyes, and the sudden expectation of peace.

Yuuri envied her, but quickly squashed that feeling down into the farthest depths of himself. He didn't want any expectation of anything, and hope was the last thing he needed.

.

When Yuuri got to the hotel the first thing he did was strip, take a hot bath, and fall down into bed.

He lay there trying not to think about anything. He tried clearing his mind, but his anger was taking over again.

It came to a point where Yuuri lay, gripping his pillow so tightly his knuckles turned white. He felt all hallowed out, void of every emotion except hate.

Hate.

Its what motivated him to train, thrive, and seek revenge.

How is it that wishing for death, at one point, became the necessity for understanding how good ,and precious it is to live?

And yet ,as Yuuri lay shaking with rage, a thought came over him.

Perhaps happiness and peace weren't meant to be everyone's God given right. Instead, maybe it was more like one of those palaces in a fairy tale with a fire breathing dragon guarding the front gate.

You have to fight the dragon if you want happiness and peace. You might get burned, you might lose a limb, or even your life….but wasn't it worth it to at least try?

As Yuuri thought of these things his eyes began to feel heavy, and soon enough he was asleep.

.

Jinx stood on the platform above the crowd of club member who applauded and admired her bondage rope performance.

Two women and three men dangled artistically against the intricate patterns of bondage rope from the hooks on the ceiling.

The dark seductive music within 'Temple of Flesh', plused like blood.

Men and women in leather collars, fishnets, corsets, gimp suits, chains, with floggers and leashes attacked to their hips, danced against one another, and curved their bodies to the music.

In the 'viewing room', men in suits and women in tight dresses sat drinking wine in front of a giant glass wall, while a man in a wolf suit ferociously fucked a woman in a 'little red riding hood' cape and dress.

In one corner you could get your shoes polished while watching bdsm erotica on flat screens, in another you could be locked in a cage which was hoisted into the air and spun.

Everyone genuinely enjoyed themselves, everyone knew the club's safe word, and abolutly everyone understood the weight of consent…..everyone except Alexander.

The middle aged blond man sat in the VIP booth upstairs, watching sweltering dancing bodies bellow with a hungry, yet furious glint in his hard blue eyes.

He took another shot, motioning for one of the many girls around him to light his cigarette, with a snap of his fingers.

Pissed off didn't even begin to cover how he felt. Nuclear was perhaps a better word.

He was tempted to drag one of the girls back to his hotel, if only to release some of his frustration. The idea of sticking his lit cigarette into one of their creamy thighs seemed a tempting one.

The club glowed blood red amidst the flashing lights.

All week had been one shit storm after another. Never mind that he couldn't find Yuuri. The IRS was demanding to conduct an audit on his books, his wife hadn't answered any of his calls in three days, and somehow the media received compromising pictures of himself with other young men in bed.

Not only that, but to top it all off the Cartel found out that he had been stealing their men and utilizing their resources in the drug fields.

At first Alexander believed his wife was somehow involved, but that dumb frigid bitch didn't know anything about his connections to the cartels.

It had to be someone closer, and it didn't take Alexander very long to conclude who that might be.

He threw back his tenth shot and scanned the lower level like a wolf among sheep.

He was going to kill Yuuri in the most painful way. It was going to hurt and last a very, very long time.

On stage two poles were placed on either side of a young man, clad in latex shorts. He had piercings and tattoos all over himself, which reminded Alexander of Yuuri.

The young man smiled devilishly as his arms and legs were spread apart and strapped to the poles.

Yes, Alexander thought as the boy was flogged over and over again, something like.

He could picture Yuuri hung on poles with his arms strapped, helpless to stop Alexander from doing anything he wanted.

He wanted Yuuri at his mercy.

It was at that moment that his thoughts were pulled away from how much he would enjoy disemboweling Yuuri, by a woman who had just entered the club alone.

Alexander watched her slink towards the dance floor, moving fluidly against the older men that welcomed her.

Her long blond hair hung at her hips in waves, her tight red dress and fishnet nylons flattered his athletic shapely legs and hips.

In his drunken haze, Alexander tried to figure out what it was about the woman that drew his attention to her.

Even a blind man wouldn't have been able to deny how beautiful she was.

Unaware of his own actions, Alexander stood, shoving aside the trashy girls that surrounded him roughly.

"Marcus!" he snapped to one of his guards, pointing towards the blond goddess " that woman, bring her to me."

There was no room for argument or refusal. Not that there ever had been.

He wanted the woman who reminded him of someone he longed desperately for….who was she?

He could only see the side of her face, but just then she turned to look right at Alexander.

"My my, aren't you a heavenly creature?" Alexander whispered aloud, as he gripped the wrought iron railing.

Her neck craned, exposing a long lovely swan-like neck. H dress fit perfectly, exposing a pair of long shapely legs any woman would die for.

Slowly, without breaking eye contact, the mystery woman walked through the throng of people, and towards the staircase where his body guard was descending.

Alexander swayed from all the alcohol coursing through his body, tightening his grip on the railing.

His guard spoke a few words to the woman who flashed a seductive smile and nodded.

Slowly the woman in red ascended the stairs until she reached the top.

With the wave of his hand the other girls slid off the leather couch and shuffled downstairs and out of sight.

Alexander could see her face clearly now, and it gave him such a familiar comfort that it took all he had to keep himself from fucking her right there against the railing.

Such a unique beauty. The woman was Asian with mint green eyes, with cascades of long blond waves that spilled down her back and over her petite shoulders.

Without introduction or warning, Alexander tugged the beautiful woman's arm until she stood in front of him. He brushed her hair away from her shouldes and moved it to one side. He pressed his nose against the curve of her neck and inhaled.

"That smell….I must know you from somewhere." He said, swaying slightly "where have we met?"

The woman smiled, and Alexander couldn't help but stare at her cherry red lips. In his drunken state he grabbed the woman by the nape of her neck and pulled her forward. His lips captured hers roughly.

For the briefest of moments the woman stiffened at his touch, but then melted into his kiss.

He smelled of brandy, and felt almost feverish from it. He blood felt hot, and his body responded to the woman against him almost immediately.

The woman continued to smile as she pulled away. She was looking down as she took him by the hand and began to walk backwards towards the staircase.

"Come with me." She whispered in a husky velvet voice that made Alexander's hairs stand up on end.

Alexander let out a breath with a hiss.

It was quite dark within the club, but the red glow and flashing lights made the womans gaze all the more seductive.

She was looking at him from out of that darkness. He knew this woman, and yet he had never seen such confidence and power and beauty in any woman he had ever met before.

Something about her made him want to lash out at her, yet he knew his eyes were full of some lustful glitter.

"Alright beautiful one," Alexander muttered following the woman down the stairs "I'll play cat and mouse. Its my favorite game."

They walked towards the back rooms you could rent for the night. The sounds of men being caned with long flexible toys caused them to moan or cry out in both pleasure and pain.

Some of the men cried out loudly, others moaned and whimpered softly. A few submissive women could be heard crying out from behind different doors. All the sounds collided with the music to make a symphony of exquisite control.

When they reached their dungeon room Alexander lean against the wall while the woman unlocked the red door.

Inside there was floggers, canes, a large bed covered in clean black sheets, and a giant wooden cross with straps for the wrists and ankles to bind a person to it.

It was a St. Andrews Cross.

It forced anyone bound to it I to a spreadeagle position, while being sexually teased.

Alexander felt a strand sort of arousal looking at the cross and its leather straps.

Usually it was he that bound women to such a device, but whether it was the drink coursing through his veins, or the blond Asian woman in front of him, one thing was for certain.

He wanted to be at her mercy.

As if reading his mind- or perhaps his eyes, the woman smiled and grabbed a thing leather flogger from the wall where it hung, and pointed it directly at him.

"Strip, and lean against the cross." She beckoned him boldly. "I want all of you, every inch."

Oh yes, this is exactly what he needed! So rare and delicious and utterly sinful!

He obeyed, stripping off his finely tailored clothes and toss them aside carelessly. As he unbuckled his belt, the woman pulled a leather gag from the wall. It had a red ball in the center and metal latches on either side.

She toyed with it, admiring it as most women might admire a pearl necklace.

Who was this woman?

Obediently, he strode towards the st. andrews cross, and leaned against the hard wood.

The woman was beautiful. This wasn't a figment made up from the drink.

"bold as well as beautiful." He said to her as she strapped the leather binds against his wrists and ankles tightly. "Tell me woman, whats your name?"

The woman smiled again as she brought up the leather gag, which she buckled just as tightly around Alexander's mouth.

For a moment all he could do was catch his breath. His heart hammered with anticipation.

And then she stood back.

"Woman?" she questioned with a small laugh...

And then in an instant her beautiful smile was gone, and in its place was menacing sneer.

Slowly her hand reached for her blond hair. Alexander found himself fascinated by her hand. It was larger than he expected a normal woman's hands to be.

And then in one swift movement she ripped at her hair, which slipped off her head and onto the floor, revealing black short hair that fell over the side of her face.

Alexander's eyes widened.

The woman chuckled darkly at his expression before sitting down at the edge of the bed and began wiping off her makeup with the edge of the sheet.

She kicked off her black pumps next, causing Alexander heart to race even faster…he had never seen a womans feet as long as hers.

"It seemed you haven't changed a bit. Not a single thing from your schedule has been altered." She said, as her voice became deeper and huskier "still go to the same clubs, drink the same amount of booze till you become a sloppy mess, you even try and fuck the same type of woman. Must be something to do with fucking women who remind you of sluttier versions of Hellen. Who, I believe, is actually a saint in disguise to have put up with you for as long as she has."

And then ,as the last of the makeup came off and the final eyelash and contact lenses were taken away, did Alexander understand.

"Surprise" Yuuri smirked slipping in his black boots, and leather jacket.

Alexander's body convulsed violently against the wooden cross. He made a struggling noise against the gag, but it only blended into the sounds coming from the surrounding rooms.

Even if he screamed against the gag or fought the binds, had anyone walked past the room it would just sound like they were thoroughly enjoying themselves.

His limbs tore against the straps in fury, his head thrashing from side to side.

"Now," Yuuri smiled , pulling from his pocket a small plush hamster keychain, which he dangled in front of Alexander "lets have some real fun, sugar."


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Heart of Ice

Viktor Nikiforov had quite a privileged childhood. He thought of these things as he speed through the streets on the back of his Harley.

He was born the eldest of four children, which meant his father had invested much into him.

Victor would one day be head of his family. He would run the estates, manage every aspect of the Nikiforov finances as well as those connected to them.

Now, as the head of that name, Victor felt a surge of power as he road through the streets of L.A.

There was nowhere on this earth he could go without an ear or an eye.

He learned this gradually as he searched for Yuuri after abandoning him, almost two years ago.

It seemed a lifetime ago now.

He hadn't realized the full weight his name carried until that moment.

Perhaps his power was something his brother had both envied and hated about Victor.

Victor shook thoughts of his brother from his mind. He didn't want to think of Vitaly now.

His contacts found out Yuri was staying at a small bed and breakfast. They tracked him down just like last time.

His other Russian connections smuggled him an unmarked gun without serial numbers. Something he paid a pretty penny for.

His connections from L.A. took him to an underground hidden fetish club, Temple of Flesh.

Apparently Yuri had made an appearance multiple times that week to converse with the clubs owner, Jinx.

Victors phone vibrated inside of his jacket pocket. He answered it instantly, brushing his silver locks away aside against the wind as he did so.

"Speak!" He snapped over the roar of his motorcycle, without breaking his speed.

"He's at the club now. It was extremely difficult to tell if it was him, but its just as you said. He's dressed as a woman…a quite attractive one at that. I can see him speaking to a tall blond. Middle aged, wealthy looking, and drunk out of his mind."

"Follow them!" Victor commanded his American contact.

Victors blood ran cold, knowing full well who the blond middle aged man was.

"And if they try to leave, stop them by ANY means necessary."

"Yes, sir." His contact responded, then paused a moment "…Yuuri is taking the blond into one of the back rooms… The middle aged one can barley keep his balance, not much of a threat-"

Victor's lip curled into a snarl.

"You would be surprised. Now follow them." Victor sped faster as he rounded the corner twenty blocks from the club "I should be there in less than 15 minuets, if you see, or hear anything suspicious, then do what you must!"

Victor ended the call and took off as fast as his Harley could go. The gun in his inner jacket pocket slapped against his ribs hard, but Victor didn't care.

No one was going to hurt Yuuri ever again, nor would he permit the man he loved to commit an act he could never take back.

He would take it all on himself.

Perhaps then the ghost of his mistakes would be satisfied with this payment.

He knew he would never be worthy of Yuuri, or any forgiveness….there was no chance for Victor, nor a world in which he could be happy without Yuuri.

Victor promised he wouldn't let Yuuri sacrifice himself. There was still goodness and innocence and love in Yuuri, goddammit.

Alexander Lom-Crof had all but destroyed Yuuri, and it was time Victor ended it.

Victor pulled the hood of his coat over his head and braced himself against the rushing wind on his Harley.

.

"Now," Yuuri smiled , pulling a small plush hamster keychain from his leather jacket, which he dangled in front of Alexander "lets have some real fun, sugar."

Alexander roared against the binds, jerking so hard that the cross wobbled threateningly.

From the surrounding rooms came the muffled wanton cries of ecstasy and pleasure. The purring sounds of begging, pleading, screaming- all blended together.

Such a perfect atmosphere to play in.

Yuuri took a metal chair, dragging it across the floor , planting it right in front of Alexander. He took a seat, straddling the chair coolly, as he draped his arms over the back.

Yuuri took his time lighting his cigarette before he leaned forward ,and began unbuckling the front of Alexander's trousers.

"You know I really used to enjoy doing this. Sucking your cock usually meant getting some pills." He said holding the cigarette between his lips "but I think I'm gonna enjoy the outcome of this even more. Tell me Alexander, has anyone been able to make your cock as hard as I can?"

Alexander's eyes were wide, staring at Yuuri's cigarette with open fear.

Yuuri chuckled as he took a long drag from his cigarette and blew it up towards Alexander's face.

"Answer me Alex, or I'm gonna put this cigarette out on your cock." Yuuri threatened with a sweet smile. "has anyone been able to make you as hard as I can?"

Alexanders eyes never left the cigarette in between Yuuri's fingers as he shook his head fervently.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you, sugar." Yuuri chuckled moving the tip of the cigarette so close to the head of Alexander's penis that he could feel its heat.

Alexander yelled a muffled "nuh!" against the gag, which only made Yuuri chuckle darker.

Then without hesitation, Yuuri took Alexanders member into his mouth and began sucking his length just the way he knew Alexander liked.

Yuuri relaxed with throat muscles allowing the thick member to slide down easily.

Yuuri clenched his throat so that a wicked pleasure squeezed the sides of Alex.

Alexander's eyes had gone positively feral with heat, and his breathing had become harsh.

Yuuri twisted his head, his tongue lapping the area beneath his penis wickedly.

Alexander's body jerked and trembled against the binds, but Yuuri didn't stop...not until Alexander was throbbing painfully hard.

Only then did Yuuri pull away.

But Yuuri wasn't smiling anymore, nor did his expression resemble any humanity.

It had gone horrifyingly void of expression.

And then…

Then Yuuri brought the tip of his lit cigarette down on the head of Alexander's erect penis, extinguishing it against the swollen tender flesh.

Alexander let out an inhuman roar against the gag, tears of pain streaming down his face.

Alexander's eyes budged from his skull, still glazed with intoxication.

Yet through his intoxication, he began to sober. Pain did that.

His body thumped wildly in agony, yet the blood still remained pulsing through the veins of his hard cock.

Alexander breathed in the smell of the cigarette and his own burnt flesh, and heaved as if he was about to vomit.

Yuuri didn't move when Alexander did sick himself.

The vomit that didn't seep out the sides of his mouth, Alexander was forced to swallow.

The gag had done its job well.

Yuuri pulled out another cigarette and lit it, watching as Alexander was forced to swallow his own vomit that hadn't trickled down his chin, without expression.

The man made an anguished sound which didn't sound human, as he heaved again.

"Whats wrong sugar? Does it hurt?" Yuuri said in a deadpan tone, repeating the exact words Alexander had once said to Yuuri while he raped him "shhhh, its alright-c'mon baby take it, shhhh…make daddy proud."

Tears of pain, hatred, and humiliation streamed down Alexanders cheeks, making Yuuri cock an eyebrow.

"I didn't know you were capable of tears, Alex." Yuuri sneered "Stop blubbering. It doesn't suit you, and its pathetic."

Yuuri took a long draw from his cigarette, and sat back to admire Alexander's still hard cock ,which twitched with pain.

With his other hand, Yuuri spun the hamster keychain around his index finger.

"I don't look back anymore… to what we were. If I look back I am lost." Yuuri said quietly, as he took a thick rubber band from the inside of his jacket pocket.

He gave it a sharp snap before cupping Alexanders balls and wrapping the band tightly around his sack.

So tight Alexander felt the blood flow being cut off.

Alexander's body lurched forward a few inches, but remained strapped firmly against the binds.

Yuuri sighed, as he wrapped the band tighter around Alexander.

"castration is a tricky thing… I once knew a sheep farmer back in Japan who would press his hands between a male sheeps legs until the testicals descended, then ripped off the testicals with his teeth. It was fast and quick. The sheep healed after a few days. Animal associations recommend using a band to tie the testicals until they lose blood flow and fall off, but the farmer told me it was a long excruciating process, that debilitated the poor animal…not to say we'll be here for days. No, I'd say a few hours should suffice to make them purple enough to do away with them…your lucky you already have a child. Shes such a pretty blond baby, just like Hellen."

Alexander froze at the mention of his daughter and wife.

"Don't worry, Alex. I'm going to take good care of them for you." Yuuri smirked darkly, hoping Alexander thought the worse.

Of course Yuuri was telling the truth, he would make sure Hellen and her daughter were taken care of. They deserved to be happy and free too.

Then after he was finished with his cigarette Yuuri stood and dropped the stub on the ground crushing it with the heel of his boot.

He looked up at Alexander to see the man had frozen in terror as he pulled a knife from his pocket and began tracing the mans chest.

He paused for a moment, glancing into Alexanders blue terror filled eyes.

"I'm going to enjoy this almost as much as you must have enjoyed watching my friend be dismembered. And when they find your body, everyone will know exactly what you really are."

Alexander cried out against the gag, but Yuuri ignored him as he began carving into the mans chest viciously.

"I…A-M…A…M-U-R-D-E-R-I-N-G…..R-A-P-I-S-T…P-I-G" Yuuri spelled out slowly.

Alexander screamed causing Yuuri to growl before sticking the blade of the knife beneath the gag and into the corner of Alexander's mouth.

The blade rested inside of Alexanders cheek for a split second feeling cold and sharp….

Then Yuuri ripped through the thick skin with a hiss.

The blade sliced though Alexander's cheek making a crude, bloody, half smile.

The mans muffled cries were choked by his own blood, making Yuuri wrinkle his nose in disgust

"I'll gut your intestines out like the sadiatic pig you are if you don't shut up!-"

However, Yuuri was interrupted by a loud crash as someone kicked down the door behind him.

Yuuri turned, gripping the blade tighter as a strange man entered.

The man wasn't one of Alexander's body guards.

Yuuri had no idea who the man was. He also didn't appear to be a threat to, but instead was looking at Yuuri was panic and concern.

"Katsuki? Are you alright? I need you to come with me, now." The man breathed heavily, then paused to glance behind the Japanese man at Alexander's soiled body hanging spreadeagle against the wooden frame that held him.

"My God…" the man breathed as he took in the horror.

Yuuri narrowed his eyes, ignoring the gasp of horror that came from the strange man.

"Victor sent you?" it wasn't a question.

The man nodded, still looking slightly sick.

"Obviously, now lets get out of here before you really fuck up your life! Victors minuets away, we have to go!" Victors associate snapped.

Just as Yuuri was about to respond, when another figure barged through the door.

Yuuri thought it was Victor, but it wasn't.

It was one of Victor's body guards….

Fuck…fuck no. Not this one!

Yuuri had seen enough of the video Helen had given him to know exactly who he was.

This was the guard who killed Phitchit…who dismembered his friend and butchered him like an animal.

And now he had a gun pointed at the back of Victor's associates head.

Before the man could turn the gun went off.

Blood splattered across the floor and Yuuri's face.

Victors associate fell to the ground with a giant hole blown out the front of his face where his eyes had once been.

"Well, well well! Lookie who it is- we've been looking everywhere for you, boy!" the guard in black laughed before seeing his boss behind Yuuri "Fuck Alex!…hold up boss!"

Before Yuuri could fight back he was hit by the butt of the guard's gun and blacked out.

.

Yuuri didn't know where he was. Except he was cold, and it was dark.

"He's awake! Get the boss!" a rough voice growled to another.

"Haha! Oh this is going to be one hell of a shitshow!"

The sound of doors banging open made Yuuri's eyes snap open.

He wasn't bound or gagged.

On the contrary, he was free to move and slowly sat up.

His head was pounding where Alexander's body guard had hit him with the butt of his gun, but that wasn't Yuuri's main focus at the moment.

…instead it was the slow uneaven footsteps that approached Yuuri with purpose, that had his complete attention.

Breath. Stay calm. Focus….Breath…

Alexander limped over towards Yuuri from the burning pain he no doubt felt between his legs.

Had he been in any other situation, Yuuri would have smirked at the sight.

Instead pure hate towards Alexander numbed him to any other feeling.

Yuuri had him! He had him within his grasp! Victor had interfered, and now he was going to die….slowly and painfully.

At that moment he hated Victor as much as Alexander.

Both men had brought him nothing but pain and misery.

Even as he thought it, Yuuri knew deep down it wasn't true.

Where Alexander only wanted to destroy Yuuri, Victor wanted happiness and growth from him….there was really no comparison. And yet as he knelt before Alexander all Yuuri could feel was regret that he had ever met either man.

This was the end, wasn't it?

With a crude smirk on his face, Alexander stalked towards him like a hunter. His blue eyes glittering like saphires. He halted his steps to tower over Yuuri.

Demon, Yuuri thought glaring up at the man.

Yuuri shivered at the sight of Alexander's crude smirk elongated by the rip in his cheek.

Oh yes…he sliced it open, didn't he?

They were inside of what looked like an old abandoned warehouse with a tin roof.

And it smelled like old blood.

Yuuri remained unmoved, but inside he knew this was where Alexander would kill him.

His guards watched eagerly to see Alexander strike the first blow.

There was only three guards, Yuuri noted with distaste. He recognized one vicious looking guard as the one who had killed Phitchit, and pistol whipped him.

The guards buzzed with excitement as they anxiously watched.

And then Alexander motioned for Yuuri to rise.

He did, only because he hated how helpless he looked kneeling at Alexander's feet.

Meanwhile, leaning hidden in the shadows, Victor concealed himself, careful not to be caught.

He had arrived at the club just in time to find Alexander's guard carrying Yuuri's unconscious body over his shoulders followed closely by a haggard, yet furious looking Alexander.

Chaos reigned over the club at the sound of a gun blast, which had taken out his American contact.

Victor felt a pang of guilt, but swallowed it down so he could focus.

As Alexander limped behind his guard out the back door, Victor noticed blood seeping through the front of Alexander's shirt.

They formed jagged letters that Victor couldn't make out, but he knew Yuuri had been the cause of it.

Victor ran outside to hop onto his Harley, pulling up his hood to cover himself, and sped off a distance behind the SUV that held Yuuri and Alexander.

Now Victor remained silent in the background of the warehouse, wanting desperately to run to Yuuri and rip him away from Alexander, and yet he knew he had to remain patient.

He clutched his gun within his coat pocket, but remained firm. There were about fifteen guards within the warehouse, with guns of their own, no doubt.

Victor's heart could hardly take it as it beat so frantically, he thought it might give him away.

He could shoot Alexander, but then his other men could turn this place into an inferno of bullets, and he'd be dead and so would Yuuri.

He had to wait.

For a long time Alexander and Yuuri stood facing one another.

One standing like the menacing God of death and the other like a fallen nymph.

Then to everyone's surprise, Alexander opened his arms and stepped forward to envelope Yuuri into his embrace.

Victor wanted to gasp at the sight of Alexander touching Yuuri.

It was a strange sight. Yuuri no longer wore his wig, but the sight of him wearing that red dress and smudged makeup, while his arms hung limply at his sides was surreal.

He didn't return Alexander's embrace.

He looked sick.

Before anyone could understand what was happening, they saw Alexander's hand snake up Yuuri's neck and through his black hair.

Alexander pulled hard, ripping Yuuri's hair so violently that his neck snapped back, forcing Yuuri to look into Alexander's eyes.

Yuuri didn't let a single sound leave his lips. He wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of hearing him scream ever again, least of all Alex.

"I would slit your throat right now ,and fuck it till you were dead" Alexander spat, jerking Yuuri's head farther back "but that's not gonna cut it… You better fucking believe by the time I'm through with you, you're gonna wish I had killed you like I did that other little brown Asian fuck!"

Alexander released Yuuri and stepped away from him, motioning to one of his body guards to take Yuuri in the back, leaving another guard with Alexander as he ordered his remaining guard to circle the warehouse as a lookout.

"Break him, but don't kill him. Not yet. I want to see him reduced to nothing." Alexander ordered the guard who killed Phitchit and now had Yuuri in his grasp "I want to be the one who kills that little bitch!"

Laughter followed behind the guard who took Yuuri to the back, leaving Alexander alone.

Only then did the blonde fall bonlessly into a nearby chair, attempting to focus through his still drunken state.

It was obvious that Alexander was in a significant amount of pain, which he refused to show his men.

Before he made a move to stand, Alexander noticed someone had remained behind.

He opened his mouth to demand who had balls enough to defy him, when suddenly the man stepped out of the shadows.

The light reflected off the mans silver hair, and murderous icy blue eyes.

Alexander , though still in pain, doubled over, barking with laughter. There was no way that son of a bitch could be this stupid.

"well- well-well! Victor Nikiforov, just the man I wanted to kill!" Alexander laughed darkly "You really are a devoted one, aren't you, sugar? I think I'll kill you first just to see the look on Yuuri's face-"

"I don't think so." Victor interrupted, allowing a smile to curl the side of his mouth.

Victor stepped forward boldly until he was feet from Alexander, displaying the same crazed confidence as the other man.

The look in Victors icy blue eyes told Alexander he was ready to risk everything. He was a man with nothing to lose.

"You won't be hurting anyone ever again, and I'm going to make damn sure of it!" Victor hissed before lunging at Alexander, bringing the unsuspecting man down hard, and wrapping his hands tightly around his neck.

He put his entire weight on Alexander's neck ,and basked in the sight of the man gasping for air with eyes filled with terror.

….that is until Alexander's body guard ripped Victor off, and threw the Russian across the floor with a heavy thud.

Seriously, how many fucking meat bags does this asshole have for hire?

Victor shook off the guard , but was unable to reach for his gun before the man attacked again. He was as quick as a viper and struck just as hard

Without a second thought Victor took Alexander's body guard by the back of his neck and slammed him into his knee with a sickening crunch.

Still, the man was strong and threw himself away from Victor as fast as he could.

Despite this, Victor was already around the man. He had the body guard's thick neck squeezed in the crook of his elbow.

Still the viper- like man fought.

Victor may have been quite lean, but he also had powerful muscles that could easily lift 200lbs over his head from years of skating. He had perfected muscle memory for sequences no ordinary man could keep up with. He had open joints and flexibility and stamina that made him a wold champion….and there was no fucking way in hell a thug like this would best him physically!

It all happened in an instant.

One moment the man was struggling, the next Victor flicked his wrist down and from the inner cuff of his sleeve dropped a razor sharp knife.

He may have had the gun inside of his coat, but he was also Russian, which made him paranoid enough to also arm himself with a blade wherever he went.

He spun it in one hand and jabbed the tip against the body guards throat so that it was held firmly against the skin without doing much damage.

He nicked enough to draw blood, but not enough to actually cause fatal damage.

The burly body guard froze, his hands flying in the air in surrender.

"I yeild!" the man shouted in a panic, seeing just how close he was to death.

Victor sported a bloody lip which was beginning to run down his chin. He held the man in his grasp with a wild look in his icy blue eyes.

His eyes locked onto Alexander's who still sat watching the show in glittering amusement.

Slowly Alexander started to clap, chuckling darkly.

"Who would have guessed you'd be such a fighter- the last time you faced my guards you didn't seem to have much in you…but I suppose losing a valuable possession can do that to a man. I can sympathize." Alex said, standing to his feet, wincing in pain as he did so.

"Yuuri isn't a thing to be possessed, and you have no claim over him!" Victor shouted, pressing the blade deeper into the guards neck. "Either tell me where Yuuri is, or I'll kill him ,and then I'll kill you!"

Alexander burst out laughing. He doubled over slapping his thigh as his voice echoed off the walls.

The slit in his cheek re-opened and blood began trickling out, staining his already blood stained chest.

Then Alexander's hand slid into the inner pocket of his jacket and pulled out a gun.

"Cowardly little cunt. Couldn't even take down that silver haired fairy. " Alexander signed in irritation, raising the gun lazily, but with intent.

Victors icy blue eyes widened and suddenly the blast from the gun exploded through the room.

The bullet hit Alexander's own guard square in the center of his head.

... and a moment later his body slid out of Victors grasp and hit the floor with a thud.

Blood pooled around the guard's head.

The man was dead.

Victor reaches for his gun, but as he drew it out Alexander pointes his gun at Victors hand and shot

Victor screamed as the bullet went through his wrist, causing him to drop the gun.

He cradled his wrist, which lay limp like a dead bird. He clenched his jaw against the pain, but quieted his cries.

No, no, no, no! This wasn't happening!

"Oh, Victor," Alexander chuckled taking a step forward "you brought a knife to a gun fight. And on top of that it was all in vain! Your gonna die here, sugar. And there ain't anyone who'll find your body where I'm gonna put it….maybe in a vat of acid, till your bones turn to shit. That's whats gonna happen to the great Victor Nikiforov."

Victor swallowed hard.

Alexander raised his gun and pulled the trigger twice.

.

Yuuri was taken into a frozen locker in the back of the warehouse.

The guard, whos name Yuuri discovered was Rhett, had both of Yuuris wrists twisted behind his back.

Once they were inside, Rhett leaned against Yuuri's backside, dipping his nose to trace the crook of Yuuri's exposed neck.

"You have no ide how long I've wanted to get you alone," Rhett breathed down Yuuri's neck "I never wanted to kill you, boy. Nah, if it were up to me I'd keep you chained up in my bed…in that dress like a bitch."

Yuuri was released only to be thrown into an icy wall, hard.

Yuuri was shaking with rage. Had this been three months ago, he was certain he would be shaking with fear…but not this time.

Yuuri turned to face Rhett.

This was the man who hacked off Phichit's arms and legs. Pure, sweet Phitchit who never hurt a fly, was slaughtered by this man.

And then as if Yuuri's hatred couldn't be stronger, Rhett buried his hand in his pocket and took out a small plush hamster keychain.

Rhett smiled and leaned in closer, mocking Yuuri's anger.

"Play nice with me and I promise to give it back!" Rhett laughed cruelly.

That did it for Yuuri. He didn't care how big the man was, and how defenseless he felt without a knife or gun. He had his hands and that was enough.

Yuuri lashed out and slammed the palm of his hand upwards into Rhetts slightly deformed nose.

Yuuri heard the satisfying crunch of the bone snapping, and punched it again with his other fist.

While Rhett was caught off guard by the unexpected ferocity and strength from the slight Japanese young man, Yuuri struck again.

Rhett doubled over clutching his bloody nose, and roared terribly.

Yuuri kicked the man as hard as he could between his legs, causing the large man to fall to his knees.

Rhett must have not been accustomed to his prey fighting back. Perhaps he saw how submissive Yuuri had once been with Alexander, and he thought Yuuri being small was no threat.

But no one could match Yuuri's stamina when it cane right down to it. He was stronger than he looked. He proved this on the ice, and he was about to prove it again.

Rhett tilted his blood stained face up to see where Yuuri was, but that was another mistake.

Yuuri flattened his fingers, and held them together. He noted with a smile that he still had rather long fingernails, as he jabbed into the mans eye sockets as quick as lightening.

Yuuri kept his focus. He knew if he relented just a little that Rhett would kill him.

Better to kill than be killed.

Yuuri let his own darkness consume him.

Rhett lunged at Yuuri, half blind, and tried to punch him in the stomach.

Yuuri caught Rhetts hand and pulled it away from him and rammed his head into Rhett's face just like he had done to Victor's brother, Vitaly.

Then Yuuri dove his hand around Rhett and pulled the gun, which had been tucked into the back of his jean pants.

As he pulled back, everything slowed down. Yuuri aimed the gun at Rhetts gut and pulled the trigger.

At the same time Yuuri heard the sound of two more gun shots being fired outside of the frozen locker.

Rhett fell to the ground. The shot did not kill him, but definitely left him debilitated.

While Rhett screamed, Yuuri stepped over him, grabbing the hamster keychain from the guards hand, and made his way out of the locker.

"I have no idea how long it takes for the body to get hypothermia or how long the body can survive in the ice." Yuuri said in a colorless tone, as he made his way out, before stopping at the door "but I can assure you, its going to hurt like a bitch."

Yuuri felt nothing as he slammed the heavy door shut, and bolted it.

He could hear muffled screams from inside, but his expression remained dead to any emotion.

He walked away, feeling number than he did before, but all the more motivated because of it.

It was almost over.

.

One bullet shot into Victor's his leg and the other through Victors shoulder, causing him to scream in pain and fall to the floor hard.

He took short rapid breaths as if he was having trouble breathing. He brought his good arm to his wounded shoulder, and bit down on his lip to keep himself from screaming.

Alexander took another step forward as Victor scrambled back as far as his injured body would allow.

His heart pounded, adrenalin rushed through him, and he realized at that moment he was going to die.

His eyes met Alexander's in defiance. He raised his chin, ready for the final blow.

A great sorrow filled Victor's heart.

He was going to die, and so was Yuuri, and there wasn't a damn thing he could do to stop it.

His promise to protect Yuuri wilted away like a dying flower, and suddenly he thought of all the beautiful moments with Yuuri.

Dancing with Yuuri at the banquet with his blue tie around his head, drunk on champagne.

Yuuri whispering to Victor the night after he was given his gold ring. "Can I tell you a secret Victor?"

"I love secrets" Victor whispered back, smiling at Yuuri as he inched closer to the young man in bed.

Yuuri closed his eyes and smirked "The truth is, I'm not a good person."

"what? Of course you are Yu-"

"No I'm not. I have bad thoughts….and I know they're bad, but they also feel good too."

"what do you mean?" Victor asked, but suddenly his hand was caught my Yuuri's, who gazed hungrily at Victor.

"Secretly…I want to be hated as the man who took Victor Nikiforov from the world! I want everyone to hate me for it! I want to be the only one who can satisfy you! I want to be the only one who knows your love!"

"Yuuri-"

"No, Victor. I want it all….but more than that I want to surpass your wildest imagination. So don't ever lose faith in me, I'll prove that I'm worthy of you."

Victor thought of all those memories of Yuuri on the ice.

And everything on the ice had been love…

Then suddenly the sound of a gun blasted through Victors ears.

Only it wasn't Alexander's.

No….Alexanders gun didn't go off.

Victor saw blood shoot out if the side of Alexander's neck and the blond man fell to his knees.

Alexander dropped his gun and clutched his neck, gasping and choking in the most horrific way.

Then Victor saw a small figure emerging from the shadows.

The figures expression was stoic.

"Yuuri?..." Victor whispered in disbelief.

The silence was deafening. Then Yuuri began to walk towards Alexander, gun firm in his hand.

Realizing what was about to happen, Victor tried lifting himself up, but was reducing to dragging himself pathetically towards Yuuri.

"Yuuri- Yuuri what are you doing?!" Victor cried out desperately "Don't do this, please! Yuuri drop the gun!"

Alexander coughed up blood clawing back away from Yuuri, who looked both possessed and emotionless.

Yuuri still wore the form fitting dress, however he wore his black leather jacket over it, and instead of pumps he wore his usual knee high boots which hit the ground heavily with each slow step.

His makeup was smeared, making him appear deranged yet beautiful.

"You hurt Victor…" Yuuri said without emotion, his face vacant of life "you had Phitchit murdered….you raped me…"

Alexander was shaking now, his hand slipping in his own blood, which he lost much of.

Seeing Yuuri's unforgiving stare Alexander panicked. He fumbled for the gun he dropped, but Yuuri kicked it away with a flick of his ankle.

Victor's heart raced in panic, forgetting his own wounds.

He couldn't let Yuuri lose himself like this!

"Yuuri! Yuuri, please stop!" he cried, his voice growing hysterical "this isn't who you are Yuuri!"

Alexander cried out in uncontrollable fear as he kicked himself back clumsily.

"N-no! Stop!" Alexander choked. "Yuuri, stop just listen!"

No longer was he the menacing beast of nightmares, instead he became a pathetic whimpering mess.

Yuuri aimed his gun at Alexander's legs and shot twice. One bullet penetrating each leg.

"AHHHHHHH! God! S-stop! PLEASE!" Alexander begged falling back in utter agony.

Yuuri's expression never changed. It was void in the most terrifying way, it was inhuman.

Victor dragged his body frantically across the floor.

"You can't Yuuri! Give me the gun, you don't have to do this! Yuuri!" Victor screamed painfully through his tears " I promised I wouldn't let you- NO YUURI STOP! YUURI!"

And then the gun went off with the most ungodly explosion, causing Victor to choke back a sob of horror.

A thin whisp of smoke rose from the fired gun which had been aimed at Alexander's head.

His head ,which had been blown back by the force of the bullet entering his skull, and coming out the other side.

Alexander's head hit the floor with a sickening crunch.

The silence that followed was deafening.

Yuuri stood as still as a statue. It was as if everything in the world had vanished, and the only things left were Yuuri and Alexander in that room.

Yuuri suddenly dropped to his knees, letting the gun slip from his fingers and clatter to the ground.

Victor watched frozen as Yuuri stared down at Alexander's lifeless body for what seemed like ages.

Then he crawled the last few feet until he reached Alexander's side.

Tears rolled down his face as the horror of what he had done crashed down on him.

It was done…

Yuuri gasped trying not to hyperventilate. His senses flooded with hysteria, and he could barley keep himself from screaming.

And then through his tears he began to laugh.

It was high pitched ,and hysteric, and filled with madness and sorrow.

Mad laughter filled the warehouse and pierced Victors ears.

Yuuri fell over the Alexander's body as he laughed and cried, clutching the bloody fabric on his chest.

Only then did Yuuri's laughter dissolve into sobs.

He gasped as he sobbed against the chest of the man he hated most in the world. He cried bitterly for everything he had lost, and what he had done.

He cried until his throat threatened to tear , and his mind felt ready to break.

He could hear Victors frantic voice, but barely took notice.

He couldn't hear or sense anything, but madness as he looked down into the dead and lifeless eyes of Alexander Lom-Crof.


	20. Chapter 20- The End

Heart of Ice

Chapter 20

.

Victor managed to crawl himself over to Yuuri, and grab the young man fiercely to his chest, despite the blood loss.

Blood loss, which was gradually making him feel lightheaded and dizzy. Victor tried not to think about that, instead he held Yuuri tight as he cried like a boy.

He groaned, and moved to lay down as if all he wanted to do was sleep. To sleep and never wake up.

Victor placed his white hand on Yuuri's shoulder.

"Its time to go Yuuri." He said with a shudder.

He curls up, soaked in blood pushing away Victors hand.

"I don't want to go."

"You have to darling…please."

Yuuri wrapped his arms around his head and sobbed liked a child." I can't… I don't know how. He's always been there. And now he's gone. I killed him…I don't know if I'm strong enough. I can't go."

"you can and you will." Victor whispered, his heart breaking at seeing Yuuri so broken. Victor takes Yuuri by the shoulders and shakes him firmly.

"Listen to me. You have been through more than any person should have had to go through. We both have! But we survived!"

"I didn't want to survive… I don't want to try anymore, Victor. I'm too tired." Yuuri whispers "Can't I just stay here till I'm old? Just let me stay here till the world disappears."

"Don't you dare give in yet." Victor said harshly in Yuuri's ear "not after everything!"

Yuuri tightened his hold on Victor and let his dead head weight fall against the Russians shoulder.

"Yuuri, listen to me. You need to get out of here, now." Victor said quickly, fumbling inside of his coat pocket for his keys. "Take the motorcycle and go to the address on the keychain. I have enough money at the flat to get you back home. You need to leave before the authorities come- YUURI!"

Victor grabbed Yuuri's shoulders and shook him roughly, giving the young man a slap across the face.

"LISTEN TO ME YUURI!" Victor screamed in Yuuri's face, snapping the young man from his tunneled hysteria "Take my keys and get to the address on them- you need to leave now!"

As Yuuri held his red cheek his eyes widened , staring over Victor's shoulder at something.

Victor jerked around in time to see Alexander's last guard, who had been outside , standing stock still at the horror show he had walked in on.

This time Victor didn't hesitate.

Victor grabbed Yuuri and buried his face to his chest to block out what he was about to do.

Victor withdrew his gun and shot the man in the chest three times. The guard fell to the ground and was dead within minuets.

More blood. More death...

After another minuet, Victor pulled Yuuri away and looked at him seriously.

"Take it Yuuri." Victor breathed gently, but desperately.

"Y-you're hurt." Yuuri whispered, shaking his head "not gonna leave you...no."

"This isn't up for discussion. I'll call an ambulance after you leave."

"I said I'm not fucking leaving! So shut up about it already!" Yuuri cried, shoving Victors keys back into his pale hands.

He was trembling and looked as helpless as a child.

But Victor was silent and didn't accept them back. His breathing had become labored, and his eyes slowly began to drift out of focus.

"V-victor?" Yuuri said in a small voice, reaching out to touch the side of Victors pale cheek.

But Victor didn't answer right away, instead he fell forward but caught himself with one shaking hand.

"Victor-"

"If you don't leave, I'll let go." Victor whispered, bowing his head "I'm so close to letting go, I can barley keep myself awake. I'll let go and bleed out until I die. Its so easy to let myself die…knowing I failed to save you."

"You didn't-"

But Yuuri's words were cut off as Victor lurched forward to capture his lips in a deep kiss.

Victor heard the muffled exclamation of shock as the blissful fire of their kiss overtook Yuuri, and he allowed Victor to dominate his mouth.

Yuuri moaned, and Victor cursed his own wounds that prevented him from moving closer to Yuuri.

Yuuri broke away first ,shaking his head. His eyes were bloodshot, and he looked very close to another break down.

"Take the keys…and I promise I'll call someone as soon as you leave. I'll see you again….I swear." Victor breathed heavily, still hot from the kiss "There's a plane ticket on the bedside table of the flat, money, and clothes. Everything is there for you. You must go- now!"

Yuuri's hands shook violently as he took the keys. Tears rolled down his cheeks, but he said nothing as he stood and took a few steps away from Victor.

"If you leave me again I won't forgive you this time. I'll hate you till I die if you break your promise." Yuuri said in a small broken voice.

Victor gave a small laugh and nodded.

"Go Yuuri…I love you."

Something desperate and vulnerable flashed behind Yuuri's hazel eyes…

"I love you Victor." There was nothing else Yuuri could say.

And then without looking back Yuuri ran from the warehouse as fast as he could.

Victor waited until he could hear the sound of his Harley roaring to life. Then when the rumble drifted in the distance, Victor let out a breath of relief.

He held his shoulder wound with one hand, and brought out his cell phone with his free hand, and dialed a familiar number.

Please God, Victor thought shutting his eyes, let Yuuri get back home safe….and if its not too much trouble, let me get back home safely too.

.

Doctor Jude Strauss wasn't a bad doctor.

In fact, he believed himself to be a very good one!

He spent twenty years in the ER, another twenty-five most of his life working the trauma ward, and currently he spent his days in retirement…for the most part.

Lately he had been offering his services to extravagantly wealthy patients who wanted complete anonymity. Either because their wounds came from 'unconventional' means which they did not want the authorities to get wind of.

Often he was on call, and would offered services you couldn't receive with anyone else.

Essentially, he was paid to administer treatment off the record, keep his mouth shut, and do his job.

His reimbursement was substantially more than he would have made in a year working Trauma.

So yes, Dr. Jude Strauss was very good.

And currently fast asleep on the sofa in his study with medical journals and wine littered over his coffee table.

That is, he was fast asleep until his phone rang.

"Shit…. not now." Jude cursed, reaching blindly for his phone.

He jammed his thumb down on the talk button and groaned into the phone.

"Whaaat?"

A rattled pained breath came from the other end, but Jude remained unmoved and annoyed.

"J-Jude….I need you now. Its Victor." Victors voice pleaded

"Jesus, this isn't about that little Japanese junkie again is it? Because I swear to Christ I'm not waking my team to deal with another raped kid!" Jude growled, pinching the space between his eyes. "I did that as a special favor to-"

"I've been shot Dr. Asshole, so unless you don't want double of your usual pay, I suggest you get off your ass and h-hustle the fuck down h-here!" Victor hissed through the obvious pain he was in.

Dr. Jude Strauss could tell how weak Victor was not only by his breathing, but his cadence.

"You sound like you've lost a lot of blood." Jude said as he stood and headed down the hall towards his basement.

He had a refrigerator full of blood, plasma, and other such necessities for times like this.

"I wonder if its even worth the drive. Might be dead by the time I get there." Jude half joked as he gathered his equipment.

"I got a bullet in each leg and another in the shoulder." Victor snapped "Just move your ass. I'm sending you my location."

"Whats your blood type again? I still feel foggy from the wine."

"shit…I'm going to die." Victor muttered on the other end "and Its AB+."

"huh, AB personality traits; Cool, controlled, rational, sociable, intelligent and adaptable." Jude listed off as he made his way back upstairs. "personality flaws; Critical, indecisive, unforgiving…with a slight split personality. Besides O type, yours is probably my least favorite."

"Are you coming or not?!"

"Hush- I'm already in the car. Looks like you're about twenty minuets away." Jude smirked "Just don't waste my time and die before I get paid."

"Your bedside manner is truly a thing to praised" Victor sneered.

"I think so too," Jude agreed with a chuckle "now stay on the line with me and talk about something- anything. Just stay awake."

"Not exactly in the mood for small talk."

Jude rolled his eyes "You're a shit patient. Just tell me how your day has been, I'm sure that's a conversation starter."

To Jude's surprise, Victor actually laughed. It was strained, but still a laugh.

"Well I guess it starts with Yuuri."

Jude sighed shaking his head.

"Doesn't everything?" Jude said in a bored tone "So what's your mischievous little rent-boy junkie been up to? Was he the one that put a cap in you?"

"He did NOT shoot me!"

"Like I even care. Okay, so 'it starts with Yuuri', please continue your latest drama."

When Yuri got back to the flat he was immediately accosted by two figures who grabbed onto him tightly.

"You stupid little piglet! Do you have any idea how worried we've been?!" snapped an angry Russian voice in his ear.

It was angry, and yet Yuuri could feel the blonde Russian's tears soaking into his shoulder.

"Why would you just up and leave like that? Aren't we your friends?! Can't you even trust us enough to depend on us?!" Yurio Plisetsky clung to Yuuri even tighter. "y-you stupid little loser! You…"

But Yurio stopped noting the blood on the Japanese boy's hands and clothes. His blue eyes widened with horror.

"Yuuri..."

Chris shut his eyes and reached out to pull Yuuri into a fierce embrace.

Everyone was silent until Yuuri pulled away, shaking his head.

"He made me leave him there…he-"

But Chris held up a hand to silence him.

"He can take care of himself, Yuuri. Right now ve need to get you cleaned up, and head to the airport." Chris said quietly with an eerie kind of calm.

"But he was shot! He could die! We need to go back!" Yuuri cried. "What if he-"

Suddenly Chris was no longer calm. He moved in so quick that Yurri didn't notice how close Chris was until he was standing inches away from his face.

His hand shot out, as quick as a viper, grabbing Yuuri's wrists hard and pulling him close again.

"You listen to me now- for once in your life you vill LISTEN!" Chris shouted causing Yuuri to pale "Vhatever mess Victor is in, he can handle it! If he came back and found out you had put yourself in harm's vay again…I-I don't think he could take it!"

"And do you think I could take it if he dies?! He wasn't suppose to be there, I was in control- I had them exactly where I wanted them!" Yuuri shouted back, his hysteria mounting again "Why did you come? You all should have just stayed the fuck away-!"

SMACK!

Chris landed the blow against Yuuri's cheek. Yuuri stumbled back holding the side of his face.

The slap brought him out of his shock.

Chris looked at if he wanted to hit him again. Instead, he reached out to grip Yuuri's shoulders, his golden blonde head falling against his chest in defeat.

"D-don't you see how much ve all love you, Yuuri?" His voice broke, and then his shoulders began to shake. "Vhen they took Phitchit- vhen ve saw what Alexander did to him…ve died. Victor trusts us to take you home Yuuri… and even if we never see him again ,we can do this for him at least."

Yurio stepped forward to place a small hand over one of Chris's hands. The blonde Russian was gentle as he pulled Chris off Yuuri.

Yurio stepped forward, gently taking Yuuri's chin in his hand to lift, so that they're eyes met.

Yuuri Katsuki saw a storm of emotions behind those blue eyes. And then the blonde Russian did something Yuuri hadn't expected. He pulled him forward so that their lips delicately touched. It was platonic, and gentle, and safe.

Yuuri felt the Russian boy's breath mingled with his own. It was comforting and calmed Yuuri down.

When he pulled away there was a look in his blue eyes that left little room for compromise or argument.

"Get in the fucking shower." He said taking Yuuri by the hand "You're going home, away from all this mayhem. No more tears. Now go shower or I'll strip you myself."

And then to their surprise, Yuuri Katsuki obeyed.

The trauma of what he had been through was evident in very line creasing his face. Yuuri looked far older than the last time they had seen him, and they felt helpless watching him walk away.

Chris and Yurio watched Yuuri stumble towards the shower, holding a white towel and fresh clothes. His eyes were red rimmed and wide with obvious shock. He looked so pale and shaken.

They hated being so hard on him, especially knowing it was a possibility that they would never see Victor again.

Still…

What happened to the two of them?

What had Yuuri done that caused him to look so shattered?

They had seen the blood, they had seen the bruises, but they didn't ask. They didn't ask because they knew what the answer would be.

Alexander was gone.

And Yuuri had been the one that killed him. His haunted eyes said as much.

.

Yuuri carefully closed the bathroom door with a click. He pulled his blood soaked clothes off, tossing them carelessly to the floor.

Victor's blood is all over my hands, he thought, staring at them.

His eyes were empty.

Victors blood…

Or was it Alexander's?

Alexander's dead face swam to the forefront of his mind. Yuuri instantly, shoved a fist against his mouth and fell to his knees beside the tub.

He quickly twisted the fosset to turn the water pressure on high, then proceeded to empty his stomach in the toilet. The sounds of the running water masked the sound his gagging.

He killed a man, and not just any man either. He killed a corporate king, a man of power and influence, and yes, even a father. Alexander was a monster who deserved to die, but actually seeing his aristocratic face void of life…

His unblinking eyes glassing over, his pupils dilating, his mouth going slack.

What had Alexander said? What words had he used to beg for his life? Yuuri couldn't recall.

He couldn't believe Alexander was gone, and yet despite that he felt nothing.

Nothing…

Not hate, or sadness, or joy…he felt sick, and desperately wanted to sleep and never wake up.

He flushed the toilet and stood; shaking, and pale.

Nothing

Because of him, Victor might already be dead…so whats the point?

Because if you die you might just go to Hell…and Victor would surely be in Heaven. You would burn in Hell for all eternity with Alexander right next to you, and he would laugh.

Probably say something like "Hey sugar, didn't I tell you I'd find you?"

Yuuri stood on shaking legs and stumbled into the shower. The water was hot, a trail of blood ran down the drain. It beat against his back and as it did all Yuuri saw was Victors face.

Yuuri turned his head and glanced over by the sink. His filthy leather jacket lay in a pile, and from his side pocket dangled a plush hamster keychain.

"My mom gave this to be before my first competition. She said it would bring me luck, and it would take away my fears…" Phitchit s voice whispered in Yuuris head like a ghost

The shower filled with thick steam until the heat became almost too oppressive.

"I'm sorry you had to die, Phitchit. I killed you." Yuuri whispered in a dead voice "I'm….I'm just so sorry."

He had tortured

He had killed

He had lost everything.

Yuuri didn't feel angry or scared anymore…he felt nothing and as it turned out nothing was worse than anything he had ever felt before.

"I'm sorry."

And as the thought crossed his mind Yuuri felt his knees buckle and hit the porcelain tub hard.

"I'm so sorry…"

He couldn't cry or scream or laugh. All he could do was rock himself under the stream of water until the hot water ran out .

"I'm sorry Victor."

.

It was all over the news by the next day. Alexander Lom-Croft was exposed. Hollywood insider networks were given multiple videos of the billionaire sexually assaulting young girls. The police were given enough video evidence to find Alexander guilty of murdering Phitchit, running a drug ring, trafficking underage teens, and rape. The board of directors, who ran Lom-Croft Suites in Alexander's place ,found evidence of embezzling for years…coincidentally all of this was exposed around the same time.

An anonymous Samaritan had sent in the evidence, and then disappeared like a ghost.

Everywhere you looked on TV, the radio, online, Alexander Lom-Croft was there. It had been the biggest thing to happen to American since the election.

You couldn't go anywhere without hearing about the scandal.

And then hours after the news broke, the bodies were found. There had been three remains found in an old warehouse….

Which someone had set fire to.

There almost wasn't enough remains to make a positive DNA match, but in the end they had found Alexander, and two other bodies.

It was like something out of a horror movie.

The Lom-Croft corporation was in ruins, and were was his long suffering wife?

In Japan.

Ignorant and innocent of all crimes connected to her husband. Helene Lom-Croft and their only child were given quite the sum of money following his death, and for the most part were left alone.

Night and day the news ran with the story.

Until one day…no one cared anymore.

.

One year

.

Two years

.

Three years

.

Four years

.

Five years later…

"Your super sexy sisters tell me you've been dealing with a significant amount of pain. I'm glad they're here to watch over your sorry ass. I see you've done incredibly well with your PT, but you requested to stop attending? Within a few more years, who knows, you might not need a cane to walk with at all." Dr. Jude said as he lit a cigarette at the kitchen table "You're doing good. Progress, even a little, is always good. So stop bitching and moaning. You will continue your therapy."

Victor glanced down at the cane in his hand and sighed.

Victor stood by the kitchen window looking out across the frozen lake. He remembered first learning how to glide across the ice. He remembered falling countless times and how many times he forced himself to get back up.

He was never a quitter. He was ambitious, determined, focused, and stubborn.

But listening to his doctor ramble on an on…some days he just wanted to give up.

On the kitchen television was the Winter Olympic games, namely the mens singles skating.

Yuri Plisetsky spun into the air on screen. His landing was flawless and his execution was unmatched.

He had risen to be considered a living legend for winning five consecutive World Championships, four straight Grand Prix Finals, and numerous European championships. Not to mention his finalist Olympic debut.

Victor smiled sadly at the vision Yuri Plisetsky had become. He was proud of the little kitten, and yet…

"Now could you please describe the pain?" Jude asked, taking a low draw from his cig.

"Nothing has changed in the past five years Jude. Its either stabbing pain, or numbing. We've done numerous MRIs to determine nerve conduction, but its time we face the truth of the matter." Victor said slowly, gripping his cane so tight his knuckles began to turn white. "I can barley walk twenty feet without feeling like my lower body is being stabbed with a hundred knifes. I haven't stepped onto the ice in years, and I doubt that I ever will again."

"that doesn't mean we stop your physical therapy! I get it, you've lost everything!" Jude ground out "You want to hate the world? Fine! But don't you dare throw away all the hard work I've done for your sorry ass!"

"Fine." Victor turned, wishing for once he was left alone "I'll reschedule my next appointment. Happy now?"

Jude scoffed, flicking his cigarette in an ashtray. "I've already scheduled you an appointment for next Monday at 10am."

"Fuck off." Victor snapped, limping towards the kitchen table. He threw himself into a chair and snatched the half smoked cigarette from Dr. Jude.

"Its always good to see you too, Victor." Jude smirked as he stood to slip on his large wool coat "don't forget your meds, I'll write you a prescription for something stronger, just don't get hooked like you did last time. I swear to God I'm not pumping your ungrateful stomach again- got it?"

" That was one time."

"better be the last time!"

"that was four years ago. I was having a hard time…I just…I just missed him." Victor shrugged, crushing the bud of his cigarette. "needed to get him out of my system."

The smell of the burning tobacco reminded him of Yuuri. He didn't even like to smoke, but somehow it comforted him. At night when things got hard he would smoke to ease himself out of fits of anger and resentment.

Most days he just wanted to forget Yuuri all together, but he couldn't.

"Yeah, well just take this shit responsibly or I'll take your meds away and screw both your sisters!" Jude threatened, walking out of the kitchen, then called over his shoulder "at the same time!"

A moment later the front door opened then slammed shut, leaving Victor alone.

This is the way it had been for the past 5 years.

Alone…

Yuuri had been taken home to Japan. He needed to see his family, to heal, and remember who he once was.

There time together was over.

Victor accepted that.

And yet…

Victor could feel a tingling numbness in his toes. He stood and decided to take a short walk by the lake.

He grabbed his burgundy fur lined coat, hat, and gloves and slowly limped towards the door.

He could hear the announcer on the television announce Yurio's scores and smiled as he walked out the door and into the snow.

He felt so proud of the blonde, and wondered if Chris was watching it too. He hasn't seen Chris is over a year, but the man called him nearly everyday.

Victor looked over the frozen lake, he felt broken as he looked over the smooth surface.

He didn't know if he would ever skate again, without Yuuri he didn't have the motivation to try.

The air was dry, but Victor liked how fresh it felt.

The numbness in his leg gradually went away and he felt a more confident about walking a little farther.

And then Victor saw him.

He stopped dead in his tracks and stared at the figure in the distance.

Victor couldn't move.

The young man was graceful as he approached with delicate strides. His cheeks were rosy and full, his lips pink and wet. Behind his blue rimmed glasses was something Victor hadn't seen in a long time.

His eyes.

The young mans hazel eyes met his own icy blue eyes. They held had a sadness behind them, but also a soft warmth of love and recognition too.

Victors expression didn't change , but he felt tears hot streaming down his face.

His throat constricted painfully, but Victor welcomed it.

The young man was healthy and strong in appearance, but also gentle. He wore tailored deep blue slacks with a matching suit jacket that fit like a glove. Underneath, he wore a light grey button down without a tie, and pearly white cufflinks shaped to look like roses.

This young man was unrecognizable since he last saw him….but Victor knew the Japanese man better than anyone.

Victor took a step forward, then another, and another until he was limping towards the young man as fast as he could.

The pain in his leg began to stab unbearably, but he didn't care. He dropped he cane and ran.

The young man began to run towards Victor as well, and as they collided, Victor pressed his open mouth against the young mans lips and kissed him deeply.

They fell into the snow bank, kissing one another viciously, almost painful enough to draw blood.

Victors heart raced, and he could feel Yuuri's heart against his chest, racing just as fast.

Victor continued to claim the young mans mouth.

"I'm back Victor. I'm home." Yuuri said in a voice filled with raw emotion "I'm home."

Together, they lay in front of the frozen lake, tightly pressed against one another. The cold wind was bone chilling and pierced through their coats.

And even though it was in the dead of winter in Russia, they could feel their hearts of ice melting against one another.

There were no tears, no angry words or resentment, no joyous words of comfort. None of that was needed.

Victor didn't care that there was five years of lost time. He didn't care how broken or damaged they were. He didn't care that he might not ever skate again, or where Yuuri had been for so long.

There had been too much pain, too much suffering. They had clawed their way out of hell and lost so much along the way. There was no innocence left.

But that didn't matter. They had survived. That was all that matters.

They had survived.

Their embrace was enough to let both of them know everything was going to be okay.

And it would be.

Slowly they stand, hand in hand. Victor swallows back his tears and squeezes Yuuri's small hand in his. Together the turn back towards the lake manor and take their first tentative steps forwards toward whatever future has in store for them.

Victor turned to Yuuri as the morning sun began to rise. He smiles a small sad smile and pulls the Japanese man closer.

Yes, everything would be okay.

.

The End


End file.
